Seperating over a dog ?

Mojisola

Bella79 wrote: »

He did discuss getting the pup with me, and he did say he wouldnt get it if i didnt agree, but i knew how much he wanted it so i gave in and let him have it. he does walk them and clean after them, but i still cant cope i feel im being silly for letting the dogs bring me to this, but i really do not want the pup, bless him i dont think its fair keeping him, im sure he will pick up on how im feeling towards him. I suppose its my own fault for saying yes to my dh. he says i know how much he loves the dogs and how heartbreaking it would be for him to get rid of the pup and he doesnt want to be with someone who would do that to him ?

Did this just happen with the new puppy or is it a pattern of behaviour within your relationship. He says he really wants X, you don't really but know how much he does so you give in?

If it is, then that's not very healthy.

Alternatively, zaksmum suggestion about a hidden agenda could be right. Could he be finding it really difficult to cope with your depression but would feel a heel walking away from you because you are ill and so has created a situation where, if he were to leave, he could justify it to himself? It could even be unconscious on his part if he's a good husband in many other ways.

Not everyone can cope with illhealth in a partner. Would he consider talking to anyone about his feelings?

shegirl

I wouldn't say it's a hidden agenda or anything.Maybe he is just tired and fed up of dealing with things,wishes you were better and is struggling to cope and sees his pup as his little 'light' to help him when he is finding life pretty !!!!!,because while you are struggling he is struggling too...maybe he feels a little bitter aswell?

Just something to think on.I don't think going on about 'hidden agendas' is particularly helpful but that's just me!I'd suggest talkign to him and finding out why it's so important and what is really going on as whatever affects you affects him too and maybe he feels he's coping with everything and is being forgotten?

People also say things they don't mean when they are upset or angry,so he may not mean it.If he does I'd bet my life it's not just due to the pup,but not a hidden agenda either,maybe it would be the 'final straw' for him and he hasn't been planning anything or wanting to leave but now this has happend he feels like he's had enough

pinkclouds

Mojisola wrote: »

Ask him if he honestly wants the dog more than his wife and children. If the answer is yes, then let him go. He won't be worth fighting for.

Agree with this. You cannot value a dog over a human being - let alone your own family.

property.advert

Get the dog picked up and put hubby in the cage.

zaksmum

property.advert wrote: »

Get the dog picked up and put hubby in the cage.

Best suggestion so far!:o

spendingmad

On a practical note is there anywhere like this ( www.doggiedaycare.co.uk ) were the pup could go whilst OH is at work (obviously get OH to take/pick up pup) even just for a few weeks to give you a break.

Otherwise get them a kennel outside and stick them outside during the day, let OH deal with them in the evening. If you are still not coping get a neighbour to report the dogs for noise pollution (if they bark/whinge) and the council can come and have a word with OH . If he's playing dirty why can't you

Padstow

Has he ever blackmailed you before over anything? If this were a family dog of five years I could understand, but it's a new puppy, whose breeder is willing to take him back.
You think things could calm down when the pup matures? It could actually get a lot worse, as two dogs battle for top place. Big dogs at that and a small child in the mix.
They need to be taken to training class. Hope your husband is willing to take them!

I made a rash decision rescuing a dog who is a pain in the neck in so many ways. The thought of another ten years of it makes me miserable, so I empathise with how you feel.
Frankly, if your husband is willing to leave over this, he's not in the marriage for the long haul. If he gets his way and keeps the pup, he will use the same tactic whenever he likes, 'cause it works.
Return the pup and call his bluff.

welshmoneylover

I feel for you I really do cos you're caught in the middle.

As a suggestion, can you consider paying a dog walker to look after the puppy for an hour a day to give you a break. I know it's only an hour but that's better than nothing at all.

Good luck, I love dogs. Personally if I had to chose my dogs or my OH, she'd have to go :rotfl:

RacyRed

2 years ago my dh brought a large breed dog it was a joint decision and i was onboard with it all, we already had a dd and although initially it was hard training the dog having a baby etc we now have a lovely family pet.

when we initially got the first dog i wanted to get rid of her as she was soo hard work but we didnt and we now have a lovely dog, but its taken 2 years !, i cant cope for another 2 yrs for this pup to mature

He did discuss getting the pup with me, and he did say he wouldnt get it if i didnt agree, but i knew how much he wanted it so i gave in and let him have it. he does walk them and clean after them, but i still cant cope

He has always been like this over the dogs, his attitiude has never changed i always knew it would cause major trouble if i brought up getting rid of the pup, he says if he walks its becuse he doesnt want to be with someone who would hurt him so much by taking the dog away when i know how much he loves them, he says he doesnt ask for much (doesnt drink,go to pub or anyhting) but he loves having his dogs. i feel so bad

I know theres no one else involved he just loves animals so much and beleives dogs are for life and thats that.

i sometimes struggle to cope with simple actions like getting up,dressed cooking a meal it seems overwhelming on a bad day my dh works ft

.

I'm seeing this differently to other posters.

You sound very unwell and it sounds to me as if your husband must be giving you quite a bit of support while you struggle with your illness?

You agreed to the first dog, then wanted to get rid of her.

You agreed to the 2nd dog and now want to get rid of it too.

You agreed to the second dog knowing that you are currently ill and had problems coping with the first one.

Most of all, you know how attached your OH gets to the dogs before you agreed to the 2nd one.

I'm sorry but I don't see him as selfish in this. I read him as tired and frustrated, maybe because your family life is affected by your illness, so wants the dogs as something he can rely on. Although it isn't your fault, does your illnesss mean he doesn't quite know what kind of atmosphere he will come home to after a day at work?

To me the ultimatums read as a cry of desperation, not selfishness.

I think the suggestions made about getting some practical help to care for the dogs during the day, leaving you to concentrate on your DD, are really sensible. That way your hubby gets to keep the dogs, you have some of the pressure lifted from you and hopefully your family life will improve for you all.

shegirl

RacyRed wrote: »

.

I'm seeing this differently to other posters.

You sound very unwell and it sounds to me as if your husband must be giving you quite a bit of support while you struggle with your illness?

You agreed to the first dog, then wanted to get rid of her.

You agreed to the 2nd dog and now want to get rid of it too.

You agreed to the second dog knowing that you are currently ill and had problems coping with the first one.

Most of all, you know how attached your OH gets to the dogs before you agreed to the 2nd one.

I'm sorry but I don't see him as selfish in this. I read him as tired and frustrated, maybe because your family life is affected by your illness, so wants the dogs as something he can rely on. Although it isn't your fault, does your illnesss mean he doesn't quite know what kind of atmosphere he will come home to after a day at work?

To me the ultimatums read as a cry of desperation, not selfishness.

I think the suggestions made about getting some practical help to care for the dogs during the day, leaving you to concentrate on your DD, are really sensible. That way your hubby gets to keep the dogs, you have some of the pressure lifted from you and hopefully your family life will improve for you all.

That's exactly how I see it! I'm quote surprised by all the other opinions to be honest.Does nobody think of how the rest of the family feels and how they have to deal with everything too?