Seperating over a dog ?

RacyRed

cte1111 wrote: »

Feel shocked that someone who is quoting from the bible in their signature is being so un-Christian to the OP who is ill and suffering.

I'm really disturbed by the turn this thread has taken. If you have ever suffered from depression then you will know that advice to 'get a grip' is cruel and hurtful. It's not that easy.

I was trying hard when I first read this thread to see the husband's POV as my initial reaction was that he was being absolutely awful. I guess others are finding it easier to see his rationale so that was interesting.

To the OP - I can entirely understand why you can't cope with a lively puppy. They are hard work to train and look after, it's not just walking them but bringing them up and generally dealing with their need for entertainment and discipline 24 hours a day.

Have you been able to talk to your OH further about this? I hope you are able to reach some resolution. Perhaps you would be able to write down exactly what it is that you are finding hard to deal with, so your OH will understand more.

I don't think anyone has suggested that the OP get a grip. Many of us are very familiar with depression and its effect on both the sufferer and their families.

What has been pointed out in the 2nd half of the thread is that the OP's current stance is being less than considerate to her OH, given the choices she personally made. The accusations of selfishness and of having a domineering attitude being made towards her husband may be well off the mark and very cruel.

As the OP appears not to have logged on again since the thread became more balanced, it is unlikely the more recent posts will have any effect on her.

We have to live with the consequences of our actions and decisions, it is how life is, and the OP made her decision and agreed to getting the pup with her eyes wide open. Her other thread is testament to that.

BubblyMumbles

If you chose to have another dog then you have to be responsible for it, it's a huge commitment, but then the OP knew that as she already had a dog. You can't just give it away when you feel you can't cope, illness or no illness.

If you choose to have a child and then find that hard to cope with, do you just give it away as well?

Mojisola

BubblyMumbles wrote: »

If you chose to have another dog then you have to be responsible for it, it's a huge commitment, but then the OP knew that as she already had a dog. You can't just give it away when you feel you can't cope, illness or no illness.

If you choose to have a child and then find that hard to cope with, do you just give it away as well?

Much as I love our dog, he is not the same as my children!

Dogs do not have to be kept whatever the situation. In fact, if I couldn't care for a puppy in the way it should be looked after and the breeder was willing to take it back, I would consider giving it back to be the better choice.

BubblyMumbles

Mojisola wrote: »

Much as I love our dog, he is not the same as my children!

Dogs do not have to be kept whatever the situation. In fact, if I couldn't care for a puppy in the way it should be looked after and the breeder was willing to take it back, I would consider giving it back to be the better choice.

In some respects it might well be the better choice, depending on the age of the pup and various other things.

No, I'm sure your dog isn't the same as your children. The point I was trying to make was that it was a choice to get another pup, as is having children, it's a choice, if choices don't work out the way we expected we still have to deal with the consequences.

Mojisola

BubblyMumbles wrote: »

In some respects it might well be the better choice, depending on the age of the pup and various other things.

No, I'm sure your dog isn't the same as your children. The point I was trying to make was that it was a choice to get another pup, as is having children, it's a choice, if choices don't work out the way we expected we still have to deal with the consequences.

And the way the OP wants to deal with it is by giving the puppy back.

Would you ban divorce - once your choice is made, you have to live with it?

BubblyMumbles

Mojisola wrote: »

And the way the OP wants to deal with it is by giving the puppy back.

Would you ban divorce - once your choice is made, you have to live with it?

No, I wouldn't, that's a fair point, however it's not really comparable. Entering in to marriage isn't the same as entering a relationship with someone or something that you know will be codependent, like a pup or a kid. You kind know how that relationship will be before you get in to it, and if you don't then you shouldn't choose to get in to it in the first place, especially when you have had previous experience of the situation.

Don't get me wrong I would much rather the pup went somewhere where it had a chance of having the life it deserves, my own dog is a rescue dog, I personally would never buy from a breeder when there's countless animals need homes in rescue centres. But if you actively chose to own a dog, pay for it and then decide it's too much to cope with, that to me is not a good choice to have made in the first place.

kegg_2

It doesn't matter why she took on another dog or who does the walking ect. At the end of the day her oh is putting a dog before her and that in my book is a big no no.
If she feels she cant cope then at the end of the day her oh should be supporting her and if that means rehoming the dog then that is what he should be doing.
It's a dog. He didn't marry the dog nor is the dog the mother of his child. She is and as such she comes first. I too would question my whether i wanted to be in a marriage where i came second to an animal.

BubblyMumbles

kegg wrote: »

It doesn't matter why she took on another dog or who does the walking ect. At the end of the day her oh is putting a dog before her and that in my book is a big no no.
If she feels she cant cope then at the end of the day her oh should be supporting her and if that means rehoming the dog then that is what he should be doing.
It's a dog. He didn't marry the dog nor is the dog the mother of his child. She is and as such she comes first. I too would question my whether i wanted to be in a marriage where i came second to an animal.

I've got to say, if it was a choice between my hubby and my dog, it would be a bloody hard choice! My dog is part of me, my family, part of who I am and what I am, it's a kind of 'love me, love my dog' scenario. I can understand the OP's OH's point of view, especially since it had all been agrered to beforehand.

kegg_2

op states
4 weeks ago dh decided he would like another dog of the same breed (large) although i was initially recluctant didnt think i would be able to cope daily etc i eventually agreeed cos i could see how much dh wanted this.

which sound more like he badgered her into it rather than a joint wish for another dog.

RacyRed

kegg wrote: »

It's a dog. He didn't marry the dog nor is the dog the mother of his child. She is and as such she comes first. I too would question my whether i wanted to be in a marriage where i came second to an animal.

Do people really not get that this is NOT what is happening in this situation? This is so much more complex that that.