What to do with gf and mother???

lar316

January20 wrote: »

ETA: in an earlier post you said that your partner wants your sister to apologise to her, and your sister won't. Do you think your sister should apologise to your partner? Did your sister really do something that warrants an apology or is your partner being pig-headed about the situation?

To be fair, yes I do i agree with my partner in this circumstance that my sis should apologise, but should my relationship with her suffer if she doesn't.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Alcoholics do tend to dismiss their partner's fears and suspicions about going AWOL and drinking as madness, psychological problems that need to be sorted, as completely unreasonable and unfounded and all in the partner's mind. Disappearing and doing as you wished (although it seems a reasonable thing to do in the circumstances) could easily have brought back the terror of wondering what exactly would roll up when he decided to come back, as could the sleeping on the sofa.

You might be repeating exactly the same phrases to her that her ex used to justify his atrocious behaviour, thus setting off some pretty loud alarm bells.

She might have been too damaged by the ex to be able to function with you. Perhaps you got together too soon after they split, because she was brainwashed into dependence by him, so she couldn't manage alone, without his need for everything to be all about him to dictate how every day is spent?

Mojisola

lar316 wrote: »

I don't stay in touch with my friends from "back home" as they were still speaking to my ex keeping her up to date with everything about me and my partner now. My gf now didn't like this and isolated me against them over a few years. My friends in the area I live now are isolated from me except from when i'm at work. If i get a text off them etc i've got to delete it in case she reads them and therefore preventing an arguement.

This is such classic domestic bullying behaviour! Of course you can't be allowed friends - they might do what we're doing and tell you that what's going on at home isn't healthy.

Angely

i have a good idea for you:
you buy some other presents fot the 2 girls, and the 3 kids are equal.

January20

lar316 wrote: »

To be fair, yes I do i agree with my partner in this circumstance that my sis should apologise, but should my relationship with her suffer if she doesn't.

No you relationship with your sister should not suffer. What happened between her and your partner is their business. As long as you partner knows you think your sister was in the wrong, she shouldn't expect more from you.

Good luck with the counselling today. I hope it helps you.