Holiday without me?

Kimitatsu

Emmzi wrote: »

there is a very useful sticky post second from the top of this board for women suffering from domestic violence.

He may not have hit you, but from what you are saying he does and says, and how he acts towards his won child, you ARE a victim of mental domestic violence.

Please read the advice there.

Do you have any friends or family you could stay with for a while?

Also be aware a typical ploy is to "make" you lose contact with friends and family. Is this happening to you?

Emzi you took the words right out of my mouth!

Camber - if he hit you would you leave? If your answer is yes then you need to leave this property and this man now, because this is domestic abuse. He has not physically struck you but he has cut you off from everything that you know, wont allow you to have your own things in "his" house, he "let you put up a picture" - just one :eek: What are you going to do if he gets cross with the baby and starts taking things away from her - or making her stay in her room on her own?

You need to go and talk to the housing association and get rehoused - or get him rehoused, either one. In our LA the tenancy is ALWAYS put in the name of the main carer of the children, so that just this issue does not arise.

He is gradually making you become more and more withdrawn (already you are very agraphobic, and you wont be able to go far whilst he is on holiday as you cant drive and cant walk far), he controls everything you do. Where has camber gone? Because so far all I see is a frustrated frightened woman who cant understand why this man who is supposed to love her and support her is leaving her at one of the times when she needs his support the most.

Talk to your health visitor and get yourself some support, home start may well come and help with the chores especially whislt babs is unwell.

Please think very carefully about what you want to do and act on it whilst he is away - it could be a heaven sent opportunity for you.

swiss69

camber wrote: »

I've been married for nearly a year & we have a four month old baby. We had a whirlwind romance (I was probably a bit manic at the time).

If there are any girls out there being swept along by the thrill of it all....Read this thread.

Why anyone would marry before they have found out what their partner is like after the lust/honeymoon period has worn off, i don't know.

ailuro2

Tish_P wrote: »

Normally I'm all for talking things through to see whether a relationship can be salvaged, especially if there's kids involved, but if what you're telling us is true, leave. Chalk it up to the old "marry in haste" saying and build a life for yourself and your daughter before she's old enough to get the message that it's acceptable for men to treat her like this when she grows up.

that's exactly what I was about to post.... normally I think where there's room to talk then marriages are worth fighting for, but in your case it's the old "kick him to the kerb, girlfriend" type advice that springs instantly to mind.

He is slowly taking away your self esteem, go now while you still have the strength left to stand up for yourself.;)

BLT_2

I suspect this thread is going nowhere. Despite all the comments made by posters which highlight what a total loser the OPs partner (I use the word partner loosely as this implies some sort of sharing) she continues to make excuses for him and explain why she is worried about him.

Sadly its a one way street as he clearly doesnt give a sh*t about her. Its all going to end badly.

meritaten

Camber hun, you have read all the advice on here - you sound like basically a very sensible lady who was swept off her feet by someone who seemed like Prince Charming at the time! true? he has now turned into 'The Husband From Hell' and you are wondering if its YOUR fault. Its not sweety! I would say that this man recognised your vulnerability and DELIBERATELY swept you into marraige before you knew him well enough to know (and recognise ) his secret mental illness! since then he has systematically and deliberately isolated you, belittled you, treated you like either a child to be chastised or a fool who doesnt know when she is well off! True? there you have a perfect description of a Sociopath hun. Totally selfish with no conscience, and their only concern is their OWN comfort! you are worried about leaving with nothing hun, and i can understand that - but, you have nothing there anyway do you? at least if you leave you can start a new life and any womens refuge on hearing your story would help - that is mental abuse in any court of law!
YOU can do it sweety - think of the baby growing up with you getting ever more fearful of this man - you havent been married long and he is treating you like this already? what about five years down the line? do you think you would be allowed out of the door? Go hun, but for gods sake dont give him any hints on your plans and please contact your local womens refuge for advice and sanctuary - they can help you relocate if necessary.

Want_to_be_free

Please leave him- local womens refuge is better then living the way you are living , if you don't know how to contact refuge, just contact police/ they will tell you how. If you don't care about yourself, at least care about your kid.

I know how horrible to live in fear, I have been there. If you stay , things will only get worse... I am really sorry...

BallandChain

ecgirl07 wrote: »

Camber your story sounds very similar to a story posted before and im sure the advice given at the time of the other story backs up the advice on this thread.

The Family Forum can be a bit "its the mans fault get rid of him" sometimes which is unfair as we only get one side of the story but your story is consistent and the advice is consistent, you need to look at an exit strategy.

Yes, I am pretty certain this poster has posted under two previous names giving a similar story. Advice was given, ignored and a second thread started under another name. This is the third user name and I suspect that Camber will disregard the advice again and bolt from this thread too. So sad.

Loanranger

BallandChain wrote: »

Yes, I am pretty certain this poster has posted under two previous names giving a similar story. Advice was given, ignored and a second thread started under another name. This is the third user name and I suspect that Camber will disregard the advice again and bolt from this thread too. So sad.

Yep, me too. Suspiciously similar phrases referring to wanting to jump out of window.
Think we're being played like fiddles, very sad indeed if this is the case.

sp1987

camber wrote: »

Thanks everyone. I do think that the other problems compound things. Today our daughter is ill (her first cold) & cries when she coughs because her nose is stuffy; she's happiest sleeping on me, yet he moaned at me for not lying her down to do other stuff. He has a point - but /i can't bear for her to cry and not comfort her when she's ill. He is good in that he does a lot of the chores - but even then he CHOOSES to do this & at times I feel pushed out... i.e. I've always loved cooking & prided myself that others raved about it - he however has found fault in everything I've cooked - so I don't do it anymore. He's very critical of everything I do or say

If you are bipolar/suffering with mental health problems it is even more vital for you that you are in a stable situation. Do not settle for someone who exacerbates your problems. You say you already have an adult son so you are fully aware that you can bring up a child independantly so that side is covered, which would be most people's main issue here.

What does your son think of him?

Either way, you have a 4 month old baby and you need help and support to get out and about so you don't end up cooped up indoors, especially if you have anxiety/agoraphobia. Do you have a nice health visitor? Mother and baby groups locally? Your son fancy a walk?

Alarm bells should be ringing if he is jealous that your child together is getting attention. When my partner is holds our son I get so choked up with emotion because I love watching the two of them interact. Maybe I'm a little overboard with how nice I find it to watch (lol) but he should find it positive to see parent and child interacting.

Don't confuse the fact you are bipolar with feeling you are mad or paranoid or unreasonable. These are often mutually exclusive emotions.

If this thread is all a wind up then someone genuine might read it one day so I've no problem posting a reply.

shell_girl

BallandChain wrote: »

Yes, I am pretty certain this poster has posted under two previous names giving a similar story. Advice was given, ignored and a second thread started under another name. This is the third user name and I suspect that Camber will disregard the advice again and bolt from this thread too. So sad.

Loanranger wrote: »

Yep, me too. Suspiciously similar phrases referring to wanting to jump out of window.
Think we're being played like fiddles, very sad indeed if this is the case.

sp1987 wrote: »

If this thread is all a wind up then someone genuine might read it one day so I've no problem posting a reply.

Definitely a thread I've read before- at least once. I hope the OP gives consideration to the feedback she's had here... but if not then let's hope it helps at least one person out there who may recognise their own relationship here x