Holiday without me?

terryw

camber wrote: »

He said a week in the sun would cheer him up - plus it wouldn't cost him a penny as he would get cheap tobacco, so saving on the ciggies

The allowance from the Canaries is 200 cigarettes. So either he is a baccy smuggler or he's giving you a !!!! and bull story.

shellsuit

terryw wrote: »

The allowance from the Canaries is 200 cigarettes. So either he is a baccy smuggler or he's giving you a !!!! and bull story.

Yep Terry, you're spot on there!

SUESMITH_2

oh dear me, what an idiot he is, sorry but my oh would never do that, not becaue he wouldnt dare but because he loves me and the kids and wouldnt want to be apart from us, well we are going away together and leaving the kids at home but they are 18 and 15 now. actually he did go away once without us and phoned every night cos he missed us all!

he is a sorry excuse of a father and a man, tbh if you have already brought a child up you can bring up another - this is not normal family behaviour, and if he tries to tell you it is tell him you have booked a holiday without him and baby, and watch him sweat

mademoiselle_2

The phrase that snagged me was "he doesn't work"....:eek:

what the frick are they paying on benefits these days, that several foreign holidays a year are possible??!!

as someone who does work, and has not had a holiday all blimmin' year due to lack of funds when all other bills are paid - I am absolutely gobsmacked!

coops228

I'm sorry you are in this position, it can't be easy.

But, he doesn't seem to understand what it is to be a husband and a father and as you say he has a 19 year old son then it's not like he is some young guy who all of a sudden finds himself with a wife and child.

I would be horrified if my OH booked a single holiday abroad without me, never mind 3! If he is away on business then he rings at least once a day if not more which is the very least I would expect from someone who loves me.

Two weeks in the sun, in a place that has a nudist beach, just after your anniversary when you are still struggling with little one is shocking. And as mademoiselle mentioned, how on earth does he(you) afford that on benefits!!! Going to a grand prix is hugely expensive too!!! Have you seen the ticket prices alone!!!! Bog standard ticket is £122!!!! Never mind travel and accomodation.
I work, very hard, and I just had a two week break within the UK this year.

I think you need to have a long hard look at your situation as you aren't a young girl either as you said you had raised your son alone for 18 years, and you should really know right from wrong here. I suspect that's why you posted. To confirm what you already know.

He is not taking the marriage seriously or you for that matter and if you can't sort that out then I would suggest cut your losses and get out.

Another thing I would question, this woman who he used to sleep with and who he now does "old jobs" for - sounds far too fishy. He sounds like he is still sleeping with her. I could be wrong but ask him to stop going round there and see what he does.
I would also question the way he treats you, cutting off broadband to "punish you". No, that's abuse.

Get to the doctor and get help for yourself and then sort this man out. He either does or doesn't want to be a father/husband and if he chooses to be one then he should start acting like one.

I wish you all the very best, I hope you get it sorted out either way.

k.o.d

The bloke is an utter !!!!, can't really see he has anything going for him.

You are also to blame for allowing him to treat you like this.

MrsK would have given him the heave ho a long time ago.

I think in this case, you really would be better off on your own as he doesn't really contribute anything.

BLT_2

camber wrote: »

I've been married for nearly a year & we have a four month old baby. We had a whirlwind romance (I was probably a bit manic at the time).

Just before the wedding my then fiance went on holiday to Spain alone. I missed him terribly - but as he booked it before meeting me, I said nothing; he also PROMISED he would never WANT to go away alone again,

So in April this year he decides to go away to the Canary Islands for a week. I was absolutely livid - not least as I was heavily pregnant. He told me that he was depressed (he does suffer from a mental illness & depression (though what he's never told me)). He said a week in the sun would cheer him up - plus it wouldn't cost him a penny as he would get cheap tobacco, so saving on the ciggies . I did even threaten to leave him over it (for which I've been called a drama queen). It might have seemed an overreaction, but I cannot stress how unhappy I was that he'd chosen to do this.

When he returned he promised, again, that he wouldn't do it again. He said he wanted one last 'hoorah' before babs arrived (baby not Barbara Windsor lol).

So then he's been on again about how he would love to be in the sun again. And has now booked a holiday to the Canary's next month. This time I didn't fuss or moan - I thought maybe reverse psychology would work hmph!!!!

I am SERIOUSLY considering leaving him when he goes. He doesn't work (due to his illness) so we are not wealthy! He begruded me buying our daughter a new cot - yet can blow a few hundred on a jollie abroad! I recently used all my savings to buy a car for him - so how can he justify this.

There are so many reasons I'm against this. Money, I'm suffering from severe anxiety & agoraphobia since the baby was born, I'm bipolar - but off meds due to breastfeeding (though fear I'm coming ill again). Not to mention I hate the idea of him lying on a nudist beach - naked. I hate that he's *so* happy to be going again. This isn't what I signed up for... the married couples I know plan holidays together, the man usually works so they can afford it....

It's been suggested I go to - we can't afford it - besides I haven't got a passport. He used to go there with his 1st family - so I don't want to go there anyway. I feel like going on holiday alone next year. He says I can whatever makes me happy I can do. So christmas I told him I'm going to my family (what I want to do), but his son (19) is coming to stay so he wants us to be a *family*.

He's also bugging me with this woman he's friends with,. They used to sleep together before he met me - then she was horrible. Now she's constantly asking him to fix things & go to hers.

So to recap:

He doesn't work but spends enough on cigarettes each week that not buying them pays for a holiday.

He goes on holiday a few times a week each year (alone?) while he doesn't want to spend money on a bed for his daughter.

And finally he is doubtless 'knocking off' a women down the road....lets be serious you honestly think he cares enough about your feelings to stay faithful.

My suspicious side suspects that she doesn't call when he is away on holiday 'by himself' - I wonder if she has a passport.

Ditch the loser

hitchins

camber wrote: »

I find it hard to talk to him about things - if we argue he cuts off the internet connection or something to punish me. I understand that people holiday separately, but now we're a family it seems stupid, especially given our meagre budget - and his third trip abroad in a year? Emotionally I want him here too. As I said I've not been able to walk anywhere since I had the baby. I don't drive & am dreading it. He's going just after our anniversary. Next year some friends of his are going to Belgium for the Grand Prix & he wants to go that. I judt don't feel like he's a partner. To make it worse he's never been on holiday alone, when in a relationship - no matter how casual, before me.

Wow he just gets better and better! :eek:

Have you ever thought that maybe your problems are escalated by this man? Your self esteem can't be right high? I think you're stronger than you give yourself credit, and if you did kick him to the kerb I reckon you'll wish you'd have done it sooner! He brings nowt to the party hun, get rid would be my advice.

beckysbobbles

This is the frustration with getting married without thinking. This is why 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce, a very sad fact.

Clearly your not right for each other and it will probably harm your baby if you are both not happy.

I think you need to decide whether you want to try and make it work, but of course he would need to make changes or whether you do just call it a day.

Depression is a very difficult illness so I do not agree withs ome of the comments people have made here. Without the right support it can make people look selfish/unkind but that is the deamon of the illness.

I hope for your childs sake you both seek help for your illnesses.

amanda47

I think you should DUMP him Lovely, the sooner the better :mad: