Holiday without me?

pulliptears

Charlie1978 wrote: »

I'm stunned.

1. PACK. BAGS.
2. LEAVE

Really couldn't be any clearer i'm afraid.

this.
But add

3. THROW PARTY TO CELEBRATE GETTING RID OF THIS LOWLIFE

Tropez

It is your relationship and if you're not happy then you have to decide whether this relationship is worth fighting for.

Holidaying alone is something that many couples do, despite the stigma that it has somehow attracted, but if your idea of what a relationship is does not include holidays alone then you have to decide whether it is a big enough point to break up over. Everybody has their own idea of what a relationship should be; you'll just have to judge whether this one is living up to your expectations and if it isn't then decide whether it can be corrected or not, and if not, then the choice should be obvious.

Life is too bloody short to spend any longer than an hour in a relationship that makes you unhappy.

belfastgirl23

I don't really think the holiday is the root of the problem, there are clearly other issues here. It feels like you are both holding tight to your own values rather than trying to create a shared vision of your future together.

Whilst I agree with the others, I am also wondering why you don't sit down and consider going somewhere sunny together? If you agree to look for a really lastminute or cheap deal then it needn't cost that much more than he is paying on his own. And you could go anywhere sunny, not just where he used to go with his ex.

I think you're taking a lot of your frustations with other aspects of your relationship out within this holiday issue. If you have problems, you need to talk to him properly about them all rather than putting it all on the holiday issue.

As for leaving him, well only you can tell. But you did make a commitment to him for life. Can you really say you've tried to work through your issues in a sensible and grown up way? It sounds to me like you're both struggling with your own issues and kind of looking into yourselves and blaming each other for how miserable you feel. If you can't find a way out of this then yes you are probably better off being apart.

camber_2

I find it hard to talk to him about things - if we argue he cuts off the internet connection or something to punish me. I understand that people holiday separately, but now we're a family it seems stupid, especially given our meagre budget - and his third trip abroad in a year? Emotionally I want him here too. As I said I've not been able to walk anywhere since I had the baby. I don't drive & am dreading it. He's going just after our anniversary. Next year some friends of his are going to Belgium for the Grand Prix & he wants to go that. I judt don't feel like he's a partner. To make it worse he's never been on holiday alone, when in a relationship - no matter how casual, before me.

tanith

Camber he really is taking you for a mug... sorry to be harsh but there it its... he's already planning to do this to you again next year.. wake up and see whats going on here...
People do holiday separately as OH and I do on occasion because he can't fly, but we have done the family holiday for years and now can please ourselves to holiday together or not . You two haven't even done the holiday for family thing yet and he's off doing his thing without you and your child.... its not on and he shouldn't be doing it and you need to give him an ultimatum its you or the holiday.... as most of the others are advising you do this for yourself and your child

ema_o

He does what now?? He punishes you for arguing with him??!!!! That rings major alarm bells, this guy is a control freak, not only this but the holidays, the begrudging money for a cot...

It is not your bipolar that is making you think things aren't right Hun, things are definitely not right, this guy is walking all over you. Give up on the reverse psychology, doesn't work in this type of scenario, and don't let him make you worry you're being a drama queen. Xx

*max*

Ok, I'm going to be blunt now. Do you even love this guy????

I think you got married in the heat of the moment and didn't give a thought about how life would REALLY be like together. So yes, you are partly to blame for this, because you acted like a lovestruck teen.

But now the reality has come crashing down, the guy has shown his true colours, and you have a baby.

You don't love him, he doesn't love you. Have a calm discussion with him by all means, but from what you have posted, the guy is a jerk, and you are a mug.

Let him go on his holiday, but make sure you tell him you'll be gone by the time he's back. Time to grow some balls and stop acting like a victim. Get out.

Caroline_a

Oh dear, I feel so sorry for you... your hormones are still all over the place after having the baby, you're trying to keep it all together and he's off behaving like Lord Muck. Well, honey, I'm sure there are lots of people out there who will support and help you. I know you think that 'emotionally' you need him. But you dont. Without him you wont have all this stress and unhappiness, you'll just have to look after you and the little one.

I know it wont be easy, but it's certainly gonna be a damn sight easier than having a low-life bully who 'cuts off your internet'. I had one like that... took me a while to see sense, but when I did and walked away it was like my shoulders were 10 miles higher! and now?? well I'm happy in my own house with dog and cat, job and hobbies, paid for car, holidays abroad.. he's in a council flat with no job, no friends, nothing. His fault, he squandered the money from the house. Yours will be the same, dump him move on and we'll all be here to support you! ((hugs))

GobbledyGook

camber wrote: »

I find it hard to talk to him about things - if we argue he cuts off the internet connection or something to punish me. I understand that people holiday separately, but now we're a family it seems stupid, especially given our meagre budget - and his third trip abroad in a year? Emotionally I want him here too. As I said I've not been able to walk anywhere since I had the baby. I don't drive & am dreading it. He's going just after our anniversary. Next year some friends of his are going to Belgium for the Grand Prix & he wants to go that. I judt don't feel like he's a partner. To make it worse he's never been on holiday alone, when in a relationship - no matter how casual, before me.

Camber sweetheart please read that sentence again and again until you take that in properly.

I punish my child if she deliberately hits her sister. That is what parents do when a child needs it.

It's not, not, not what grown men do to their wives for arguing with them.

Read these facts as if it was someone else, another person on here asking for advice. She's in a relationship with a man and due to his illness he does not work so money is tight as they have a young baby. Her husband begrudged them buying a cot for the baby and they recently had to use her savings to replace his car. He has booked a holiday abroad alone and, without any discussion and despite knowing she is unhappy, he is planning on going leaving her stranded at home as she does not drive and cannot walk far since having the baby. The baby that she will care for alone 24/7 whilst he is on holiday despite knowing she has health issues of her own. Her husband is not interested in her opinion over the holiday and punishes her if she argues with him.

What would you say to her?

busiscoming2

Get out - stay out! Don't spend your life being walked all over and feeling rubbish.