Holiday without me?

Pollycat

camber wrote: »

I've been married for nearly a year & we have a four month old baby. We had a whirlwind romance (I was probably a bit manic at the time).

Just before the wedding my then fiance went on holiday to Spain alone. I missed him terribly - but as he booked it before meeting me, I said nothing; he also PROMISED he would never WANT to go away alone again,

So in April this year he decides to go away to the Canary Islands for a week. I was absolutely livid - not least as I was heavily pregnant. He told me that he was depressed (he does suffer from a mental illness & depression (though what he's never told me)). He said a week in the sun would cheer him up - plus it wouldn't cost him a penny as he would get cheap tobacco, so saving on the ciggies . I did even threaten to leave him over it (for which I've been called a drama queen). It might have seemed an overreaction, but I cannot stress how unhappy I was that he'd chosen to do this.

When he returned he promised, again, that he wouldn't do it again. He said he wanted one last 'hoorah' before babs arrived (baby not Barbara Windsor lol).

So then he's been on again about how he would love to be in the sun again. And has now booked a holiday to the Canary's next month. This time I didn't fuss or moan - I thought maybe reverse psychology would work hmph!!!!

I am SERIOUSLY considering leaving him when he goes. He doesn't work (due to his illness) so we are not wealthy! He begruded me buying our daughter a new cot - yet can blow a few hundred on a jollie abroad! I recently used all my savings to buy a car for him - so how can he justify this.

There are so many reasons I'm against this. Money, I'm suffering from severe anxiety & agoraphobia since the baby was born, I'm bipolar - but off meds due to breastfeeding (though fear I'm coming ill again). Not to mention I hate the idea of him lying on a nudist beach - naked. I hate that he's *so* happy to be going again. This isn't what I signed up for... the married couples I know plan holidays together, the man usually works so they can afford it....

It's been suggested I go to - we can't afford it - besides I haven't got a passport. He used to go there with his 1st family - so I don't want to go there anyway. I feel like going on holiday alone next year. He says I can whatever makes me happy I can do. So christmas I told him I'm going to my family (what I want to do), but his son (19) is coming to stay so he wants us to be a *family*.

He's also bugging me with this woman he's friends with,. They used to sleep together before he met me - then she was horrible. Now she's constantly asking him to fix things & go to hers.

So he likes to be in the sun?
I'm sure there are lots of people on the Debt-Free Wannabee board who'd just love to have a holiday in the sun (let alone 3 in a year!) but they are probably all working too hard to deal with their debts.

He doesn't work?
So who is paying for his 3 holidays a year?
Oh yes, that'll be me and all the other taxpayers then - not the savings he makes on bringing back 'ciggies'.

camber wrote: »

I find it hard to talk to him about things - if we argue he cuts off the internet connection or something to punish me. I understand that people holiday separately, but now we're a family it seems stupid, especially given our meagre budget - and his third trip abroad in a year? Emotionally I want him here too. As I said I've not been able to walk anywhere since I had the baby. I don't drive & am dreading it. He's going just after our anniversary. Next year some friends of his are going to Belgium for the Grand Prix & he wants to go that. I judt don't feel like he's a partner. To make it worse he's never been on holiday alone, when in a relationship - no matter how casual, before me.

Your budget can't be meagre if he goes abraod 3 times a year.

If you are for real (and I must admit that I'm not totally convinced) then ditch this waste of space PDQ.

Any

I have read the whole thread - with amazement.

You say yourself it was heat of the moment - but it looks like just on your side, he wasn't sure if he loved you soon after the wedding. Then he booked second holiday. And now it is the third...

He cuts of the internet when you argue...

There is this woman down the road...

He begrudges bed for a baby...

You begrudge going on holiday as that is where he went with his ex (how old are you? 16? And there are other places to go to then just the one). Getting passport is not difficult either. It's not free, but in planning for holiday is not the biggest problem in the world.

You are not made for each other. He is not made for anyone to be honest.

GET OUT OUT OUT!!

Mrs_E_plus_2

I would be utterly devistated.

I agree that you keep schtum when he went away the first time as it was arranged before you met, but to let him go for a 3rd time with no repercussions?

Rather than let him call you a drama queen, leave. Although from what you've said I doubt he will come running after you, or indeed your daughter so be prepared for that, it seems your in this on your own.

The only thing i could possibly say is move on, be happy on your own rather than miserable with a partner. life is far too short to spend comprimising for someone who doesent seem to care.

sassyblue

camber wrote: »

I find it hard to talk to him about things - if we argue he cuts off the internet connection or something to punish me. I understand that people holiday separately, but now we're a family it seems stupid, especially given our meagre budget - and his third trip abroad in a year? Emotionally I want him here too. As I said I've not been able to walk anywhere since I had the baby. I don't drive & am dreading it. He's going just after our anniversary. Next year some friends of his are going to Belgium for the Grand Prix & he wants to go that. I judt don't feel like he's a partner. To make it worse he's never been on holiday alone, when in a relationship - no matter how casual, before me.

Kick him out. Sorry if that's harsh but he's walking all over you, how dare he punish you when you argue - how old is he? and calling you a drama queen is his way of shutting you up and controlling you!!

I wouldn't mind betting the agoraphobia you're going through is directly connected to the way he's making you feel. You and your baby deserve better than this camber xx

camber_2

Thanks everyone. I do think that the other problems compound things. Today our daughter is ill (her first cold) & cries when she coughs because her nose is stuffy; she's happiest sleeping on me, yet he moaned at me for not lying her down to do other stuff. He has a point - but /i can't bear for her to cry and not comfort her when she's ill. He is good in that he does a lot of the chores - but even then he CHOOSES to do this & at times I feel pushed out... i.e. I've always loved cooking & prided myself that others raved about it - he however has found fault in everything I've cooked - so I don't do it anymore. He's very critical of everything I do or say

emmaBZ

camber wrote: »

Thanks everyone. I do think that the other problems compound things. Today our daughter is ill (her first cold) & cries when she coughs because her nose is stuffy; she's happiest sleeping on me, yet he moaned at me for not lying her down to do other stuff. He has a point - but /i can't bear for her to cry and not comfort her when she's ill. He is good in that he does a lot of the chores - but even then he CHOOSES to do this & at times I feel pushed out... i.e. I've always loved cooking & prided myself that others raved about it - he however has found fault in everything I've cooked - so I don't do it anymore. He's very critical of everything I do or say[/Q

its only natural that baby want to be with you for comfort when its not well, so get a coffee put your feet up and settle down with your little one for a snuggle, if he dont like it tough !!!

sassyblue

camber wrote: »

Thanks everyone. I do think that the other problems compound things. Today our daughter is ill (her first cold) & cries when she coughs because her nose is stuffy; she's happiest sleeping on me, yet he moaned at me for not lying her down to do other stuff. He has a point - but /i can't bear for her to cry and not comfort her when she's ill. He is good in that he does a lot of the chores - but even then he CHOOSES to do this & at times I feel pushed out... i.e. I've always loved cooking & prided myself that others raved about it - he however has found fault in everything I've cooked - so I don't do it anymore. He's very critical of everything I do or say

Wow he's even jealous of the attention his poorly baby (rightly) gets - what a hero! :mad:

eleanora_

camber wrote: »

Thanks everyone. I do think that the other problems compound things. Today our daughter is ill (her first cold) & cries when she coughs because her nose is stuffy; she's happiest sleeping on me, yet he moaned at me for not lying her down to do other stuff. He has a point - but /i can't bear for her to cry and not comfort her when she's ill. He is good in that he does a lot of the chores - but even then he CHOOSES to do this & at times I feel pushed out... i.e. I've always loved cooking & prided myself that others raved about it - he however has found fault in everything I've cooked - so I don't do it anymore. He's very critical of everything I do or say

Criticising your cooking, everything you do, everything you say, how you care for your baby (and cutting off your internet connection as a "punishment") - this man is a controlling bully. Get out.

Lucy1973

eleanora_ wrote: »

Criticising your cooking, everything you do, everything you say, how you care for your baby (and cutting off your internet connection as a "punishment") - this man is a controlling bully. Get out.

Yep have to agree. Get out while you still have a little self respect and strength left.

tanith

Camber you are just not listening to what we are telling you .. it seems you read what has been written and then carry on listing the things that are wrong with your relationship, can you not tell us whether you intend on doing something about your relationship because you are getting good advice which you appear to disregard and then carry on with this dismal existance... you and your child deserve better!!