My partner has left home with our son

damsidebear

thanks for all the recent replys much appreciated, just to clear something up to i was not married to my partner we simply lived together however the law did change in scotland (may 06) and the fact i am on my sons birth cirtificate gives me the same rights as a married man has. I appreciate some feel i should take our son back to his mums as he has a right to see her and vice versa but my fear is if i do then he will be thrust into a new nursery 40 miles from home in a strange place and then i am at a loss!

Bloomin_Freezing2

Exactly, you need to cover your back and have plans made (if only in your head). You need to know what you can do if things turn nasty.

It's not nice for you to think, but she may've been thinking and planning to leave for a while so you needs a head up on the next step.

Good luck for tomorrow!

damsidebear

Bloomin_Freezing2 wrote: »

Exactly, you need to cover your back and have plans made (if only in your head). You need to know what you can do if things turn nasty.

It's not nice for you to think, but she may've been thinking and planning to leave for a while so you needs a head up on the next step.

Good luck for tomorrow!

thank you, dreading even thinking about it

Kimitatsu

space_rider wrote: »

I just don't think he should do anything to rock the boat blooming freezing. Things could turn out amicable but I can't see how not taking him back to his mum will help the situation. A child belongs exclusively to neither parent and I understand that his nursery toys bedroom etc is at his Dad's. But if it goes to court hastily and he gets a court official who awards residence to his mum his father then will have to go through the courts for access and the mum can say he said he would bring him back and he didn't and they decide he can't be trusted.

But the courts do not rule to whom the child belongs their remit is to rule in the best interests of the child. There is a growing swing towards fathers being awarded custody so to say that because of his age it would be awarded to his mother is presumptive.

Dad has already got the nursery on side, child will go from nursery to school with all of his friends and care will not be disrupted because his grandmother already cares for him during the day.

Mum on the other hand has moved 40 miles away, new nursery, new school (if she can get in as all applications for places have already been made) she is at uni and child care has not been sorted out yet.

Clearingout - I was going to post just the same as you lol but dont know enough about the Scottish system to be able to help!! IMO though you need to get a hearing tomorrow so that little one is not moved without your permission.

clearingout

I think what damsidebear needs to take away from this is that we all have our opinions and experiences and that ultimately, he is going to have to get good legal advice and go with that along with his gut instinct. This is sadly a situation where he probably needs to act in haste and repent at lesiure so I do hope he's able to make the 'right' decision for him - I don't envy you damsidebear, that's for sure! I hope tomorrow gets you the support you need - please keep us updated. Your experiences will be invaluable to anyone who comes behind you with a similar situation.

MadDogWoman_2

Damisbear,

This is exactly what my family member's ex did arranged all new for the children, which he prevented with prohibitive steps order, hopefully your solicitor will recommend this to you.

marshallka

I am reading all this and people keep saying about "taking him away from his familiar surroundings, his nursery, his this and that" and few are posting about taking him away from his mother. Children adapt really well to new situations. Houses are actually being repossessed daily and kids are having to move. They do cope. His mother (to me that is) is far more important than a nursery.

Are you able to help your ex out with money and a roof over her head where you live so she also has her own home to offer the the child just like you? Could she get on the council list maybe if she has no-where to live and no rights whereby she has lived in your home. Its such a shame that the house was only in your name. Did she contribute to your house at all? I bet its not nice for her having to move from her home with you back to her mothers house. You say you have the same rights as if you were married (in way of being a married father that is) but does she have the same rights also in way of being a married mother and is able to fight to reside in the property that she lived in but was only in your name until she is able to get somewhere herself closer to "your sons nursery if that is your main worry".

space_rider

Marshallka, I agree that his mother shouldn't have just upped and left even though we only have 1 side to the story but the father not taking him back will be as bad. Two wrongs don't make a right. A decent solicitor will tell him to take him back and try and sort it out amicably and suggest mediation. A solicitor that can see the £ signs will advise him not to take him back.

marshallka

space_rider wrote: »

Marshallka, I agree that his mother shouldn't have just upped and left even though we only have 1 side to the story but the father not taking him back will be as bad. Two wrongs don't make a right. A decent solicitor will tell him to take him back and try and sort it out amicably and suggest mediation. A solicitor that can see the £ signs will advise him not to take him back.

I totally agree or the people on here that are only listening to one side of the story in that the woman is terrible for upping and going but I always believe that for a woman/man to do that he/ she must have been desperate or have their own reasons. I am not saying there was abuse in the house and there does not need to be but stress can play a big part and there was a mention that the mother was stressed and that was a problem. Does she need more punishment for that? Children adapt well to change. Its the adults that don't.

I am old school there and most of the time I think (unless the mother is a bad mother) the child belongs with its mother IF she wants the child with her that is.

clearingout

I feel quite sure the child will adjust, and quickly, but is it fair that he has to?

Mum has made a decision for HER. Why is that automatically the right decision for THEIR child?

The options as I see them are:
a) stay with dad in home child has always known, stay at nursery, stay with grandma, routine is pretty much as it was before only mum is removed for a large period of time.
b) go with mum to new home, go to new nursery, get to know other grandma, dad is removed for a large period of time, routine is entirely new.

I know which makes more sense to me! Of course, there could be way more to this but 'bad' dads are not generally posting on websites trying to get advice about the best thing to do. They just tend to do what they think is right and to hell with the law and the consequences!