My partner has left home with our son

Bloomin_Freezing2

MadDogWoman wrote: »

Damsidebear,

I had a family member go through very similar, wife left taking the children, she'd arranged new schools and everything for them in the new area, my family member got a prohibitive steps order from the court so the children had to continue going to the same schools etc.

Fast forward 18 months, family member given main residence with mum having contact.

2 of the children were of an age to express their wishes which were taken into account.

Many years later sadly the children (their choice) have no contact with mum, they've been too hurt by her.

That's a very good point actually, as you are named on the birth certificate, giving you parental responsibility, it means you get a say over which schools your child attends, and even if your partner wants to go on holiday out of the country.

My cousin divorced her junkie ex husband, who shows no interest in their child, or the child he had from a pervious relationship, even when her child was diagnosed with leukemia. He (being on the birth cert) however gets a say in what school the child attends and can even protest at them having a holiday abroad :eek:. What a world we live in!!

Stand your ground, and don't be walked over.

damsidebear

Just a quick update folks, i have been to see my son (who is fine) no behavior issues or upset which is a bonus, i briefly spoke to my partner and explained i was trying to do the best thing by this i mean i was trying to come to a solution for there to be as little upset and upheaval to my son as possible, i suggested to allow my son to continue to go to his nursery (near home) and i (who have the transport) can bring him to see the mother as and when, she has asked me to give her time to consider my proposal, she wasn't over enamored about my proposal but i am thinking firstly of our child who is the most important element of this situation. She doesn't want people to think that she is a bad mother 'abandoning her child' while he stays with me, i acknowledge our relationship may take time to resolve as i have asked her 'just don't say never' and give it time, this being another reason why i think my son should stay at his nursery in the mean time (as i don't want to give the place up and lose it as his mother may decide to come home in the near future) he is settled rather than his mother trying to find a house 40 miles away and trying to get him enrolled in a nursery 40 miles away where they may not be any placements available for him thus him losing out! my sticky situation is holding off contacting a solicitor regarding residency/custody as she just might come round to my way of thinking and go ahead with allowing my son to continue at his nursery! sorry i have rambled on a bit but i believe all of the above deserve a little update of what is going on, after all your kind words and time you have taken to comment on my plight. So my son is 'home' at the moment with me until Friday/Saturday so i just have to take things from here, whats peoples thoughts? should i hold off with contacting the solicitor? and just try and talk my partner round regarding my sons nursery? I just feel if i mention solicitors she may well dig her heels in and i really want to sort this out amicably for all involved!

jackieglasgow

No I think you should still see a solicitor and find out how you could proceed if things don't work out. You don't need to tell her, or cause any bad feeling by mentioning it, but she could change her mind again in a week, and you will still then have to wait to find someone suitable and get started. At least if you have consulted someone, you will have them in place as a back up in case things break down again.

donnaessex

Hi Damsidebear - thanks for the update!

I'm pleased your son is home - I agree that a four year old needs stability and a sense of "belonging" and his home and nursery are perfect for keeping that going. My 3 year old would be all over the place if she was taken somewhere new.

The good news is your partner is considering your proposal. Would she not consider moving into her own place closer to you - that way your son would remain in the nursery he likes and he would be able to see his dad regularly? I understand what she means about being seen as a "bad mother" but you both would know the truth in that she was acting in the best interests of her son if she let him stay with you in the interim at least.

I have very little legal experience but I dont see the harm in leaving the legal side to stew until after the weekend at least. Alternatively you could still find out your legal rights and just not tell her? She has a good few days now to think about everything and some options will be weighed up against each other in that time.

Enjoy the rest of the week with your boy! Things will calm down soon enough. xxx

damsidebear

donnaessex wrote: »

Hi Damsidebear - thanks for the update!

I'm pleased your son is home - I agree that a four year old needs stability and a sense of "belonging" and his home and nursery are perfect for keeping that going. My 3 year old would be all over the place if she was taken somewhere new.

The good news is your partner is considering your proposal. Would she not consider moving into her own place closer to you - that way your son would remain in the nursery he likes and he would be able to see his dad regularly? I understand what she means about being seen as a "bad mother" but you both would know the truth in that she was acting in the best interests of her son if she let him stay with you in the interim at least.

I have very little legal experience but I don't see the harm in leaving the legal side to stew until after the weekend at least. Alternatively you could still find out your legal rights and just not tell her? She has a good few days now to think about everything and some options will be weighed up against each other in that time.

Enjoy the rest of the week with your boy! Things will calm down soon enough. xxx

I'm glad she is considering my proposal too, the issue with her moving closer to 'home' is it's further away from her family, she feels better around them which i can understand, I'm in two minds about the legal side of things as jackieglasgow points out i could speak to a solicitor and just simply get advice as a back up so to speak and i just don't mention it to my partner as she could so quickly change her mind but i could like you say leave it till after the weekend, my other worry is what do i do about his nursery i don't know how long they would keep his placement open without him attending this is where i am stumped! but i noticed above due to myself being on my sons birth certificate i was aware i have 'parental responsibilities' just like a married father but its good to read above i have a say in where my son is schooled so that is good news and may work in my favour if things go sour!

donnaessex

I agree with Jackieglasgow - go and get some advice in the meantime just for your own peace of mind. If things turn sour between now and Monday then at least you know what you can do.

Have you tried speaking with the nursery to explain the circumstances? Maybe they have a procedure for these kinds of circumstances?

Bloomin_Freezing2

Glad you have your little boy back with you, right now.

I understand your reasons for being unsure about seeing a solicitor right now, but if you did I think it would be a good thing that you did it straight away and everything can be documented legally, should the need to take things further come up at a later date.

Have a lovely couple of days with your son.

Bloomin_Freezing2

Just a thought...it might be a good idea to start keeping a diary. When you see your son, when you don't. Anything said in conversation with your ex about visits, changing schools etc, anything thats to do with your son.

Also I suppose your ex will at some point start asking for some kind of maintenance payments? Might be wise to get advice on this. Usual amount would be 15% of your take home wage, but that's only if he sleeps at her house 7 nights per week, money is deducted for each night he sleeps at yours but I don't know how much.

damsidebear

Bloomin_Freezing2 wrote: »

Glad you have your little boy back with you, right now.

I understand your reasons for being unsure about seeing a solicitor right now, but if you did I think it would be a good thing that you did it straight away and everything can be documented legally, should the need to take things further come up at a later date.

Have a lovely couple of days with your son.

Thanks again for your advise and i intend to cherish every minute with him so i better get off here!

helen82

Not be sad, the law will bring the right of father for you.You are really a responsible father.