My partner has left home with our son

Caroline_a

There's an old saying that you don't really know anyone until you live with them.... in my experience the reality is that you don't really know anyone until you split up. I had a 'shared residency' arrangement that my ex and I worked between us (no solicitors), it all seemed great until I explained to my ex that I needed to move for my job, and was relocating back to my old home town 200 miles away. We discussed it in what seemed a very civilised way, I agreed that he would have her to stay for holidays etc. All ok so I thought.

I moved and within a few days I had a summons to attend court for a residency hearing - total shock! I gave details on another posting, so I won't bore you with that now, but I would say go for the legal advice without delay. I get the impression that you weren't expecting her to leave you... so unfortunately now you should be only thinking of yourself and your child - rubber stamp any arrangements legally, and then it can't come back to bite you.

If there is any chance that you are going to get back together again I would say that she will need to be making the running on that one, be strong, hold out and look after yourself and the little one.

damsidebear

Bloomin_Freezing2 wrote: »

Just a thought...it might be a good idea to start keeping a diary. When you see your son, when you don't. Anything said in conversation with your ex about visits, changing schools etc, anything thats to do with your son.

Also I suppose your ex will at some point start asking for some kind of maintenance payments? Might be wise to get advice on this. Usual amount would be 15% of your take home wage, but that's only if he sleeps at her house 7 nights per week, money is deducted for each night he sleeps at yours but I don't know how much.

Update folks but not good news I'm afraid to say,

after picking my son up from nursery i had a word with the nursery teacher simply informing them of my predicament and to reassure them that hopefully my son will continue to come to their nursery but some day she may well be missing until the situation was rectified, the teacher offered support on behalf of the school and was quite willing to document how well my son is getting on at his nursery if need be! fine at least they now know.

this is where it goes down hill!

i called my ex just to let her know that mail had arrived for her at the house told her how the wee boy was and that he was dressing up for nursery i said i would forward a photo of him from my phone to hers of him in his outfit OK so far, she then informs me that a nursery near by where she is residing is willing to take my son as of next week! so when i take my son back to his mother on Friday he will no longer have to go to his existing nursery! i asked why the change of heart after yesterdays talk she did say she would think about my proposal (her tone really changed) telling me 'we(her and my son) no longer stay there so why let my son continue to go to his existing nursery!?' i explain because he is settled there this is his home! she then asks me sarcastically do i want to speak to a lawyer? i say looks like i will have to because of this she then hangs the phone up!

Gutted is an understatement! i do have an appointment to see a solicitor tomorrow(earliest i could get) i am really worried now, and what do i do now i really don't want to take my son back to his mother on Friday(that sounds terrible) but if i do that i fear that will be it!

Caroline_a

Ok. Looks like you are now in for a fight. If you don't want to take him back, then don't. You are not kidnapping him, you are his legal parent. See a solicitor NOW and put in for residency. If you don't you will always be fighting a rear guard action. Alternatively you could roll over and let him live with his mum for an easier life. Whichever you choose, I wish you the best of luck, it's difficult from both sides of the fence.

Oh, and get those statements from the nursery, and any other 'official' place where they have contact with him (childminders, etc) to say that he is happy in his environment and that moving him could be detrimental to the child. You will need those in a court fight!

Bloomin_Freezing2

Oh wow damsidebear how awful!!!

I don't know what to suggest about this. If it were me it would be a battle of wits now. If she's saying he's coming back with her and changing schools, i'd be saying, 'no, he's staying with me and staying at his nursery!'. I'm sure you have so much going for you with this, and it seems as though you are the only one being reasonable. Good news for now is you are seeing a solicitor tomorrow, whilst your son is still under your care? Did I read he's going back to mum tomorrow? Your solicitor will tell you exactly what you can and can't do. BUt I think you have just as much rights as your ex. x

damsidebear

Caroline_a wrote: »

Ok. Looks like you are now in for a fight. If you don't want to take him back, then don't. You are not kidnapping him, you are his legal parent. See a solicitor NOW and put in for residency. If you don't you will always be fighting a rear guard action. Alternatively you could roll over and let him live with his mum for an easier life. Whichever you choose, I wish you the best of luck, it's difficult from both sides of the fence.

Oh, and get those statements from the nursery, and any other 'official' place where they have contact with him (childminders, etc) to say that he is happy in his environment and that moving him could be detrimental to the child. You will need those in a court fight!

Bloomin_Freezing2 wrote: »

Oh wow damsidebear how awful!!!

I don't know what to suggest about this. If it were me it would be a battle of wits now. If she's saying he's coming back with her and changing schools, i'd be saying, 'no, he's staying with me and staying at his nursery!'. I'm sure you have so much going for you with this, and it seems as though you are the only one being reasonable. Good news for now is you are seeing a solicitor tomorrow, whilst your son is still under your care? Did I read he's going back to mum tomorrow? Your solicitor will tell you exactly what you can and can't do. BUt I think you have just as much rights as your ex. x

I really need someone in the know right now to say whether i need to take him back to where his mother is staying on Friday evening or if i can decide he is staying here in his rightfull home! just for piece of mind granted the solicitor will be able to twll me tomorrow but for peice of mind i want to find out asap! i really wish it hadn't come to this but i feel after talking to my ex yesterday she was ok to talk to but i think someone is twisting her to stand firm and try and dictate what is to happen to our family!

ema_o

Damesidebear, sorry to hear this. What a horrid situation your partner has created, really feel for you. It really doesn't seem right to me that your son be uprooted from his nursery / your mum caring for him just because his mother wants to live 40 miles away, but then it is easy to say when you are not in that situation.

I would see the solicitor before you take your son back tomorrow and also get advice on whether you should take him back at all. It is a tough one, as I'm sure you don't want to stop him seeing his mum, but if you drop him back she's clearly going to send him to this new nursery.

I feel very sad for you that your partner is unwilling to go for any councelling or try anything to see if you can resolve things between you. Hopefully she will change her mind xx

Bloomin_Freezing2

damsidebear wrote: »

I really need someone in the know right now to say whether i need to take him back to where his mother is staying on Friday evening or if i can decide he is staying here in his rightfull home! just for piece of mind granted the solicitor will be able to twll me tomorrow but for peice of mind i want to find out asap! i really wish it hadn't come to this but i feel after talking to my ex yesterday she was ok to talk to but i think someone is twisting her to stand firm and try and dictate what is to happen to our family!

Bear with me, my cousins phone is engaged but i'll ask her what happened with the couple we know (her next door neighbour) be back and reply as soon as I can.

Bloomin_Freezing2

Cafcass (the people who would take part in court) advise you to call Parent line plus 0808 800 2222 for advice.

damsidebear

Bloomin_Freezing2 wrote: »

Cafcass (the people who would take part in court) advise you to call Parent line plus 0808 800 2222 for advice.

I'll give them a call right away thank you.

damsidebear

just off the phone to them, what lovely people and great to talk to just to off load i suppose, granted they couldn't give me an answer what to do regarding returning my son to his mother tomorrow night or not but have advised me to contact the scottish child law centre for advice regarding the issue. so thanks again BF2