My partner has left home with our son

flutterby_lil

Have you tried talking or will she not talk?

damsidebear

flutterby_lil wrote: »

Have you tried talking or will she not talk?

well i am calling her later this evening so i will find out then, fingers crossed

RadoJo

Maybe if you take the initiative and suggest couples counselling/mediation or similar, it will get things off on the right foot by demonstrating that you are keen to work things out between the two of you for everyone's sake. In terms of contact, I think you should speak to her with the assumption of access, something along the lines of 'I would like to see DS as soon as possible - when is good for you?' - that way you are showing that you are happy to work out a time that's convenient, but that not seeing him isn't an option. Good luck - I can understand that your son is your primary concern, but maybe this could be an opportunity to address your relationship issues and improve the situation for all of you.

marshallka

damsidebear wrote: »

TBF she is not a 'bad' mother, like i have said i am hoping we don't need to go down the legal road and hope to have sorted things out between ourselves or with help from counseling, she has moved back to the town where she is from originally prior to moving in with me, her Uni where she was studying is closer to me so that might be 'up in the air' for her now, her job is here too,she is stressed due to her work load and study, it's been difficult of late with family life, money etc etc just the normal day to day things we all experience. we did have a falling out a couple years ago where she went back to her mothers for a week without our child, but this time she has taken all her clothes and all our sons clothes too! I am that upset about things i have stayed off work as i can't think of anything else, i am just lost without my partner and my son it breaks my heart to think our little family may have broken up and thats hard to digest right now.

EDIT the only reason she gave for leaving was due to tthe recent petty arguments and her stress levels have gotten too much!

Seems to me then there may be a chance of getting your family back together. Maybe you could ask that she meets you for a meal/drink and a talk without your son around and try to get to the bottom as to why she is so stressed and you too. Don't go doing things now that you will regret later. She obviously needs a rest by the sounds of it and you too and perhaps some time off work if things are stressing her there. Maybe you would be better showing her how strong you can be by going back to work and that may make her think that she has someone she can really rely on in you. Just suggestions and not taking sides here as none of us should as we do not know what went on behind your doors but it does sound like there could be hope for you.

damsidebear

curlygirl1971 wrote: »

Just wanted to say 'Best of Luck'........I hope the situation is resolved happily for you all and quickly. Your son sounds like he has a great dad who loves him very much - and that will always be the case no matter what happens

thank you this means a lot to me and i hope i am a great dad.

Steel_2

this is a bit of a long stretch and I'm sure other will say "WHAT??" but would you have the money to pay for your partner and her mother to go away for a couple of days to reduce her stress and maybe give her mother a chance to talk to her? If her mother is a sensible sort of person she could chat to her on a woman-to-woman level, not just a daughter-to-mother level.

Your partner could leave your son with you so he can return to nursery for a few days

Do you think she might do that?

Do you think she would also be willing to consider counselling to help you both understand what happened between the two of you?

damsidebear

Unfortunately after speaking to my partner or ex-partner that should be she is telling me 100% there is no chance for us to get back together and that she intends to keep our son there with her 40 miles from what is considered home, granted she is not denying me access to my son so i intend to go and see him tomorrow and hopfully he can stay over at the weekend but i really want my son home and want him to continue to go to his nursery here so i guess now is the time to contact a faimly solicitor?

I feel my heart has been ripped out and stamped on right now

curlygirl1971

Am on my phone....so can't type a huge response. I have no wonderful words of wisdom or advice that can make all this better for you. But one thing i do know is that you will not always feel this bad.

I know 3 men that this has happened too....they went through devastation and a huge unexpected and unwelcome change...but they all came through it. They are all happy now and are still fathers. I am not lucky enough to be a parent but i know enough to say that it's worth fighting for - but for all your sakes keep things as amicable as you can. I also have a friend whose husband left her with 2 under 3 and a huge debt and despite his words he couldn't be bothered to maintain any contact or contribute - now that is indeed a very sorry situation. But that is not going to be your son.

Try and sleep and look after yourself. You are going to need your strength. I know this feels like the end but its not all over yet and life is full of change, sometimes bad, sometimes good. Keep your chin up

damsidebear

curlygirl1971 wrote: »

Am on my phone....so can't type a huge response. I have no wonderful words of wisdom or advice that can make all this better for you. But one thing i do know is that you will not always feel this bad.

I know 3 men that this has happened too....they went through devastation and a huge unexpected and unwelcome change...but they all came through it. They are all happy now and are still fathers. I am not lucky enough to be a parent but i know enough to say that it's worth fighting for - but for all your sakes keep things as amicable as you can. I also have a friend whose husband left her with 2 under 3 and a huge debt and despite his words he couldn't be bothered to maintain any contact or contribute - now that is indeed a very sorry situation. But that is not going to be your son.

Try and sleep and look after yourself. You are going to need your strength. I know this feels like the end but its not all over yet and life is full of change, sometimes bad, sometimes good. Keep your chin up

thank you so much for simply replying as yes i feel as if my whole world is crumbling around me and i just wish i could snap my fingers and everything was ok but it's not that simple .I am losing my partner and losing kinda my son, i will struggle to pay mortgage etc etc i don't even know how much a solicitor will cost, i am devistated

curlygirl1971

Am pretty sure that many solicitors offer a free 30min consultation - it would at least give you a starting point. However am sure that tomorrow, if not tonight, people with knowledge of these things will post. See if you can make an appt. With Citizens Advice and do your homework regarding mediation and family courts.