My partner has left home with our son

damsidebear

Bloomin_Freezing2 wrote: »

Same thing happened to someone I know of, the following day he went to see a solicitor and within only 2 weeks a family court hearing gave him residency (for now), the mother has weekend visits. It was decided that as that was the childs home, schooling, doctors etc was there then thats where the child should stay, and also to avoid as much upset for the child as possible. They're back in court in december to get a more permanent decision. She was also aged 4. Good luck, it must be awful for you.

Your comments and advice above give me a bit of hope and brightens up what has been a very dark day for me, thank you

Bloomin_Freezing2

damsidebear wrote: »

Your comments and advice above give me a bit of hope and brightens up what has been a very dark day for me, thank you

I'm glad about that, I would never do that to my hubby if things went sour. The main factor in this situation is your child and giving them as little upset as possible. Another factor to take into consideration is what childcare you are able to offer. Do you work? Where would your child be when you are at work? Are their grandparents/aunts/uncles who could care for your child when you are not there? You should have some plan which covers this, so you are able to tell a court preparations have been made.

I'll see what info I can gather from the person I know and get back to you later.

kwaks

First of all, things will get better. I have been there and understand just how low you feel, do you have anyone you can talk to, as trust me this does help.
You do have parental rights, thankfully that law was changed about 6 yrs ago to grant it to fathers not married to the mother, that saves time and money fighting to be granted those rights.

As Bloomin says, if no reconciliation is on the cards, it is best to get into court as soon as possible. The longer your son is away from his usual routine/environment then the weaker that arguement becomes.

If not already, you will get angry for the actions the mother has taken, but try to keep a lid on this on any dealings with her or you will get stuck in a tit for tat battle.

Hopefully she has just gone for a break and things will work out.

damsidebear

Bloomin_Freezing2 wrote: »

I'm glad about that, I would never do that to my hubby if things went sour. The main factor in this situation is your child and giving them as little upset as possible. Another factor to take into consideration is what childcare you are able to offer. Do you work? Where would your child be when you are at work? Are their grandparents/aunts/uncles who could care for your child when you are not there? You should have some plan which covers this, so you are able to tell a court preparations have been made.

I'll see what info I can gather from the person I know and get back to you later.

morning, yes i do work and my partner was at Uni my mother looked after our child during the day when we were both out at work & Uni, she is the one that took our son to nursery every day and picked him up every day, i altered my working hours so that my mum did not have our son too long.Just this morning i had the unpleasent duty of informing my sons nursery he will be absent for the next few days! I just hope that is all he is absent from his nursery as i want him to have some stability.And thanks again i look forward to hearing from you.

damsidebear

kwaks wrote: »

First of all, things will get better. I have been there and understand just how low you feel, do you have anyone you can talk to, as trust me this does help.
You do have parental rights, thankfully that law was changed about 6 yrs ago to grant it to fathers not married to the mother, that saves time and money fighting to be granted those rights.

As Bloomin says, if no reconciliation is on the cards, it is best to get into court as soon as possible. The longer your son is away from his usual routine/environment then the weaker that arguement becomes.

If not already, you will get angry for the actions the mother has taken, but try to keep a lid on this on any dealings with her or you will get stuck in a tit for tat battle.

Hopefully she has just gone for a break and things will work out.

to be honest i really hope so i just want things to be normal, i don't deal with things like this very well emotionally and thanks for your kind words and support.

Bloomin_Freezing2

(not armed with info yet but..) One thing I remembered (of the child I know) is that the nursery wrote a letter in the fathers support, saying how well settled and liked the child was and how to remove her from this situation wouldn't be good for her etc. Maybe you could ask for something similar to back you up. Good news that your mum is the main carer when you and your partner are at work or uni, i'm sure that can only go in your favour. As someone else said if and when you do go to a family court about this, above all else remain calm and dignified, whatever mud is thrown at you. The couple I knew, the mother made a right show of herself shouting etc which did her no favours.

Bloomin_Freezing2

Sorry, it's coming back to me in dribs and drabs. This may seem drastic, and you may not want to but the father I knew called the police, they went to the mother and made her return the child within so many hours. Again, this was because the child had been removed from her home. I think someone from social services accompanied the police.

Kimitatsu

damsidebear wrote: »

to be honest i really hope so i just want things to be normal, i don't deal with things like this very well emotionally and thanks for your kind words and support.

If your son is 4 then he will be starting school soon I would imagine, is the school attached to the nursery?

I realise that this is an upsetting time for you, but you need to get support and you need to find out legally where you stand otherwise you may lose out. In this instance time is of the essence.

When your partner rings, ensure that you are very clear about the contact that you can commit to, as a rule the courts at the very least would award every other weekend for your son to stay with you and possibly one evening a week if it woudl not disrupt him. Contact does not have to be at your house, it can be at your mums just as easily.

If you are threatened with not seeing your son you need to apply to the court for a contact order as soon as possible (you can always apply for a residency order in tandem or at a later date) and ask for a CAFCASS hearing to take place. This means that someone will put together a report detailing your sons life before and after your partner took him and who he would be better off with (then you can also get supporting evidence at the same time)

If none of this is neccessary and you just need to sit and talk can I suggest that you get some counselling together? This is distressing for all of you, and the danger is it may happen again.

Kimitatsu

Bloomin_Freezing2 wrote: »

Sorry, it's coming back to me in dribs and drabs. This may seem drastic, and you may not want to but the father I knew called the police, they went to the mother and made her return the child within so many hours. Again, this was because the child had been removed from her home. I think someone from social services accompanied the police.

IME this would only happen if the child could be proven to be at risk or is vulnerable from some sort of threat. If the child has no intervention from SS already then you would have to show just cause for the risk to be there - history of violence, drug abuse, unsuitable accomodation etc

Bloomin_Freezing2

Kimitatsu wrote: »

IME this would only happen if the child could be proven to be at risk or is vulnerable from some sort of threat. If the child has no intervention from SS already then you would have to show just cause for the risk to be there - history of violence, drug abuse, unsuitable accomodation etc

Nope, nothing like that. The dad simply called the police because the mother had removed the child from the home, without the fathers knowledge. When he called her she said she would not return the child. There wasn't a threat of any kind. We all thought the mother would get the backing and were surprised that residency for now was awarded to the father.