My partner has left home with our son

damsidebear

Kimitatsu wrote: »

If your son is 4 then he will be starting school soon I would imagine, is the school attached to the nursery?

I realise that this is an upsetting time for you, but you need to get support and you need to find out legally where you stand otherwise you may lose out. In this instance time is of the essence.

When your partner rings, ensure that you are very clear about the contact that you can commit to, as a rule the courts at the very least would award every other weekend for your son to stay with you and possibly one evening a week if it woudl not disrupt him. Contact does not have to be at your house, it can be at your mums just as easily.

If you are threatened with not seeing your son you need to apply to the court for a contact order as soon as possible (you can always apply for a residency order in tandem or at a later date) and ask for a CAFCASS hearing to take place. This means that someone will put together a report detailing your sons life before and after your partner took him and who he would be better off with (then you can also get supporting evidence at the same time)

If none of this is neccessary and you just need to sit and talk can I suggest that you get some counselling together? This is distressing for all of you, and the danger is it may happen again.

Thank you so much for the info you have offered me it will help, as i really don't know where to start if things do get messy. hopefully we can sit and resolve the issues if not all the above will help no end.


My next question is this when i call her later do i say that 'i want to see my son on (date) or i am coming to see him' or do i ask her when i can see him?

Kimitatsu

damsidebear wrote: »

Thank you so much for the info you have offered me it will help, as i really don't know where to start if things do get messy. hopefully we can sit and resolve the issues if not all the above will help no end.


My next question is this when i call her later do i say that 'i want to see my son on (date) or i am coming to see him' or do i ask her when i can see him?

Well I dont know your partner at all so thats a difficult one to advise! From my point of view I always think it is better if you can keep things as amicable as possible, so perhaps start by asking when you can see him or if he can come to stay over the weekend. If she then starts to say well not sure, maybe or no then point out that you have taken advice and would be entitled to at least one weekend out of two and if necessary you will take it further. That way you have given her the option to be nice about it but in the event she decides to hold it against you then you can show that you will not tolerate your son being used in this way.

Where children are concerned it is always worth looking at the long game, rising above any pettiness, currently you are both hurting and may say things in the heat of the moment that you do not mean in the long term and from your posts you would like to sort this out so that your partner comes home.

Firm but fair is how I would approach it

damsidebear

Kimitatsu wrote: »

Well I dont know your partner at all so thats a difficult one to advise! From my point of view I always think it is better if you can keep things as amicable as possible, so perhaps start by asking when you can see him or if he can come to stay over the weekend. If she then starts to say well not sure, maybe or no then point out that you have taken advice and would be entitled to at least one weekend out of two and if necessary you will take it further. That way you have given her the option to be nice about it but in the event she decides to hold it against you then you can show that you will not tolerate your son being used in this way.

Where children are concerned it is always worth looking at the long game, rising above any pettiness, currently you are both hurting and may say things in the heat of the moment that you do not mean in the long term and from your posts you would like to sort this out so that your partner comes home.

Firm but fair is how I would approach it

thanks once again for he advice i'm really just looking for direction and a resolution i'll keep you all up to date.

pinkshoes

damsidebear wrote: »

My next question is this when i call her later do i say that 'i want to see my son on (date) or i am coming to see him' or do i ask her when i can see him?

I would suggest that you mention 50% custody and that you look after your son on alternate weeks, or suggest that she moves home.

I think what your partner has done is disgusting, and anyone that selfish is quite clearly not acting in the best interest of the child in this case.

Any chance the relationship can be worked out?

marshallka

Can I ask was the house in joint names and why was it she took the decision to move out?

damsidebear

pinkshoes wrote: »

I would suggest that you mention 50% custody and that you look after your son on alternate weeks, or suggest that she moves home.

I think what your partner has done is disgusting, and anyone that selfish is quite clearly not acting in the best interest of the child in this case.

Any chance the relationship can be worked out?

without sounding selfish i'm not sure 50% custody woould work for myself and my partner if it came to seperation she is living 40 miles from where my 4 year old son goes to nursery and is due to go to school next term (nursery and the school are connected) his home is here and his gran (my mum) is the one who cares for him when i am at work and my partner is at Uni! Can the relationship be saved? i honestly hope so not just for our sons sake but for all of us involved!

damsidebear

marshallka wrote: »

Can I ask was the house in joint names and why was it she took the decision to move out?

the house is in my name alone and she has decided to stay at her mothers 40 miles away.

curlygirl1971

Just wanted to say 'Best of Luck'........I hope the situation is resolved happily for you all and quickly. Your son sounds like he has a great dad who loves him very much - and that will always be the case no matter what happens

marshallka

damsidebear wrote: »

the house is in my name alone and she has decided to stay at her mothers 40 miles away.

I assume then that she had no-where else to go. It was a case of being a bad mother and leaving (deserting her child as some would say) or taking him with her.

TBH I would say that things are too roar ATM for any of you to work things out and if you have not been happy together then maybe it has taken its toll on your little lad too. If you want him residing with you as you feel you are the best parent then go through the legal channels and fight but in all honesty, would you say she was a bad parent (not taking into account the fact she left with her son) and he is better off without living with his mother? Maybe she did not want to leave her home town either and move 40 miles away back to her parents but could she perhaps get somewhere rented back nearer to you maybe?

Did she give you any reasons for leaving?

damsidebear

marshallka wrote: »

I assume then that she had no-where else to go. It was a case of being a bad mother and leaving (deserting her child as some would say) or taking him with her.

TBH I would say that things are too roar ATM for any of you to work things out and if you have not been happy together then maybe it has taken its toll on your little lad too. If you want him residing with you as you feel you are the best parent then go through the legal channels and fight but in all honesty, would you say she was a bad parent (not taking into account the fact she left with her son) and he is better off without living with his mother? Maybe she did not want to leave her home town either and move 40 miles away back to her parents but could she perhaps get somewhere rented back nearer to you maybe?

Did she give you any reasons for leaving?

TBF she is not a 'bad' mother, like i have said i am hoping we don't need to go down the legal road and hope to have sorted things out between ourselves or with help from counseling, she has moved back to the town where she is from originally prior to moving in with me, her Uni where she was studying is closer to me so that might be 'up in the air' for her now, her job is here too,she is stressed due to her work load and study, it's been difficult of late with family life, money etc etc just the normal day to day things we all experience. we did have a falling out a couple years ago where she went back to her mothers for a week without our child, but this time she has taken all her clothes and all our sons clothes too! I am that upset about things i have stayed off work as i can't think of anything else, i am just lost without my partner and my son it breaks my heart to think our little family may have broken up and thats hard to digest right now.

EDIT the only reason she gave for leaving was due to tthe recent petty arguments and her stress levels have gotten too much!