My partner has left home with our son

clearingout

It is a good compromise - I am assuming he will live with you those 3 days and your ex the other 4 days? This does mean that your partner will be able to claim child maintenance from you although you will get a 3/7's reduction if she goes through the CSA. Have a look at their website. She will also be able to claim a single person's tax credits so if you are on an existing claim, it would be sensible to get yourself off it so you're not liable for any over payments. Do try and think practically - it's hard when your emotions are all over the place, I know. You should claim a single person's discount on your council tax immediately as every little helps.

For what it's worth, in England, my ex had our children for 3 days a week from the outset which I personally wasn't happy with. HOwever, this had a lot to do with him not actually caring for the children (who were/still are young), but leaving them with his girlfriend, his girlfriend's mother, his girlfriend's older child whilst he either worked or was out with the girlfriend. Certainly, the children weren't happy with the situation.

Our arrangement worked as follows which might give you food for thought for the future.
Week one: Monday - Tuesday with dad, Wednesday - Sunday with mum
Week two: Monday - Tuesday with dad, Wednesday - Friday with mum, Saturday - Sunday with Dad and then back to week one.

If you are having your son for three nights you are setting a new 'status quo' in place which is a good thing in terms of a permanent split between you. Do be aware that you too should get some quality time with your son at the weekends - it is normal to split weekends between separated parents and certainly, this is how a court would view things.

Hope it all goes well for you and do keep us updated. Take care.

gratefulforhelp_2

DUTR wrote: »

, you have donated your juices and next your salary and for what ? A child you won't have any contact with! Is that what you hoped for from life?
Have a browse around the csa forum for an idea of what is in store for you with regards contact and maintainance

Dutr you funny bunny :rotfl:

gratefulforhelp_2

Either that or he is a kind and pacific soul.

space_rider

Well done Dameside. You are not a mug at all, you are doing what`s best at the moment. Especially as you are trying to keep the family together.

surreybased

Hi,

Just wondering when your son will be attending school? Assuming as he's 4 it is likely to be in september 2011 at the latest, when do you have to secure a school place? I suspect it's pretty soon - which means some decision will need to be reached about where ful time residence is.

Don't want to worry you more however schooling will have to be sorted. Like other posters I don't automatically assume a child is best with the mum, sadly mums are not always the best carers - only have to look at recent public cases.
A dad is a very key factor in a child's life and I fully believe they can care for children as well as mums.
I really appreciate that you want to keep your family together but I your ex is driving the agenda and if she's unwilling to discuss the relationship or go for counselling then I suspect she is unwilling to make it work. I think you will have to make a difficult decision soon - do you want your child to be with you full time?

Like other posters I have seen fathers trying to accomodate mothers but in the end they are left to have bi monthly visits as the mums assume it is their right to residence.
Some points - the courts would support you raising the child - it does depend on the CAFCASS report but the stability you mention is critical. Be careful of the financial motivation for residence - as a single mum she will be entitled to benefits in addition to any support you provide through the CSA. Good luck - horrible situation for you to be in

Caroline_a

What I am seeing here is that the OP is trying his best to see his (now) ex as the same person she was when they were together. Experience (2 divorces, one with a massive court battle with my ex for custody of my daughter) unfortunately tells me that she probably isnt. We have no indication what has gone wrong, and maybe the OP doesnt know either, but I would guess that by her making sure that she has the youngster 4 days a week sets it up for a judge to give her full residency when she regroups and sorts out accommodation etc.

Maybe I'm cynical, and I'd love to think that after a short period this will have a happy ever after. But I don't think I'm that wrong...

Bloomin_Freezing2

So the OP and his ex will almost have 50/50 custody. Do you think that the tax credits/child benefit will be split 50/50? I think not.

damsidebear

surreybased wrote: »

Hi,

Just wondering when your son will be attending school? Assuming as he's 4 it is likely to be in september 2011 at the latest, when do you have to secure a school place? I suspect it's pretty soon - which means some decision will need to be reached about where ful time residence is.

Don't want to worry you more however schooling will have to be sorted. Like other posters I don't automatically assume a child is best with the mum, sadly mums are not always the best carers - only have to look at recent public cases.
A dad is a very key factor in a child's life and I fully believe they can care for children as well as mums.
I really appreciate that you want to keep your family together but I your ex is driving the agenda and if she's unwilling to discuss the relationship or go for counselling then I suspect she is unwilling to make it work. I think you will have to make a difficult decision soon - do you want your child to be with you full time?

Like other posters I have seen fathers trying to accomodate mothers but in the end they are left to have bi monthly visits as the mums assume it is their right to residence.
Some points - the courts would support you raising the child - it does depend on the CAFCASS report but the stability you mention is critical. Be careful of the financial motivation for residence - as a single mum she will be entitled to benefits in addition to any support you provide through the CSA. Good luck - horrible situation for you to be in

Yes our son will be attending school as of next year, he is currently at the nursery that is connected to the school.

clearingout

the nursery may be connected to the school but have you applied for a school place? you will have to fill in an application form, usually this can be done online but not with all authorities yet. You may find that if your partner has been collecting from school, she has the paperwork. Your son does not have an automatic right of entry to school from the nursery and it won't happen at all if an application isn't made (then agan, I'm talking England, not Scotland - you would do well to talk to the Education Authority to clarify your position!).

As a word of warning - makes sure your ex hasn't already applied with schools in the new area. If she has, you have a legal battle on your hands, I think.

clearingout

Caroline_a wrote: »

What I am seeing here is that the OP is trying his best to see his (now) ex as the same person she was when they were together. Experience (2 divorces, one with a massive court battle with my ex for custody of my daughter) unfortunately tells me that she probably isnt. We have no indication what has gone wrong, and maybe the OP doesnt know either, but I would guess that by her making sure that she has the youngster 4 days a week sets it up for a judge to give her full residency when she regroups and sorts out accommodation etc.

Maybe I'm cynical, and I'd love to think that after a short period this will have a happy ever after. But I don't think I'm that wrong...

my ex husband engineered a 50/50 split (well, 3 days to him, 4 to me) in the early days of our separation. A judge upheld that pending CAFCASS reports and I suspect, if he hadn't been such a lying idiot that he couldn't keep up with himself, CAFCASS would also have upheld it. However, we were living closer than 40 miles apart. OP - what would be the effect of moving 40 miles for you? Could you still manage your work? If it meant having a genuine shared care arrangement, would you be willing to move?