My partner has left home with our son

damsidebear

sassy-one wrote: »

Contact your local CAB office or a Family law Solicitor.

Also you could try looking at the Families need fathers website (Google it)

CAB office it is i think, thanks again.

clearingout

if you are now going to work on your relationship, can you please make sure that you attend counselling or Relate either togther or on your own if she won't? You do not want to spend months and months thinking everything is going to be OK whilst she quietly gets on with her life and is seeing other people you know nothing about. Either she commits to working it out with you (and the commitment could only be seeing you once a week at counselling, no pressure otherwise) or you go your separate ways.

Obviously, I can't dictate to you what you should or shouldn't do but as someone who let her ex husband back into her life after I had been treated appallingly, I can honestly say that as the 'weaker' of the two (you're the one not wanting it to end, she's getting to call the shots on whether it does or not - puts you in a weaker position), you have to be very clear what you will and won't tolerate, draw up clear boundaries and stick with them. Wanting to make your relationship work is great - but don't be a pushover or let her walk all over you. Many people like the idea of starting over with a new person but like to hold the old person in the background as a saftey net - don't be a safety net, you deserve far more than that.

Needless to say, our half hearted attempt at reconciliation failed. He is trying again with me at the moment - but won't go to counselling so nothing. He's trying very, very hard - most amusing! However, I'm a long way down the line and can see the wood for the trees - it will be some time for you before you can do the same. Take care of yourself in the meantime as she won't, I promise you that.

damsidebear

clearingout wrote: »

if you are now going to work on your relationship, can you please make sure that you attend counseling or Relate either together or on your own if she won't? You do not want to spend months and months thinking everything is going to be OK whilst she quietly gets on with her life and is seeing other people you know nothing about. Either she commits to working it out with you (and the commitment could only be seeing you once a week at counseling, no pressure otherwise) or you go your separate ways.

Obviously, I can't dictate to you what you should or shouldn't do but as someone who let her ex husband back into her life after I had been treated appallingly, I can honestly say that as the 'weaker' of the two (you're the one not wanting it to end, she's getting to call the shots on whether it does or not - puts you in a weaker position), you have to be very clear what you will and won't tolerate, draw up clear boundaries and stick with them. Wanting to make your relationship work is great - but don't be a pushover or let her walk all over you. Many people like the idea of starting over with a new person but like to hold the old person in the background as a saftey net - don't be a safety net, you deserve far more than that.

Needless to say, our half hearted attempt at reconciliation failed. He is trying again with me at the moment - but won't go to counseling so nothing. He's trying very, very hard - most amusing! However, I'm a long way down the line and can see the wood for the trees - it will be some time for you before you can do the same. Take care of yourself in the meantime as she won't, I promise you that.

thank you, we are both agreed on sitting down and speaking about what we expect from one another and have agreed in principle to 'start again' but very slowly! i will continue to live in the family home with our son so he can continue to go to his nursery etc etc... she will live in her new house near her family and take it one step at a time, she intends to return to university in January too and we have agreed when she is attending Uni she will stay in the 'family home'.

Oh and counseling is being seriously considered now!

ema_o

Hi Damesidebear
I am glad to hear things are looking up, am a bit confused about the new house your partner is planning to live in between now and January... Unless she already has somewhere or is moving in with someone else I know it is very difficult to rent somewhere for such a short time (most places I've lived have had a 12 month tenancy).

You mentioned earlier about the idea of you moving to be closer to where your partner was staying with her family. Would this be an option longer term for the two of you (assuming you work things out), not necessarily living on the doorstep but living somewhere closer to her family but still convenient for your work...

I do hope you can sort things out and get a solution that is best for all of you, and I think councelling would be a good idea.

Em

damsidebear

ema_o wrote: »

Hi Damsidebear
I am glad to hear things are looking up, am a bit confused about the new house your partner is planning to live in between now and January... Unless she already has somewhere or is moving in with someone else I know it is very difficult to rent somewhere for such a short time (most places I've lived have had a 12 month tenancy).

You mentioned earlier about the idea of you moving to be closer to where your partner was staying with her family. Would this be an option longer term for the two of you (assuming you work things out), not necessarily living on the doorstep but living somewhere closer to her family but still convenient for your work...

I do hope you can sort things out and get a solution that is best for all of you, and I think concealing would be a good idea.

Em

Hi Em,

thanks for the kind words, there is no guarantee she won't be 'renting' longer than January that's just an estimate but yes she does have somewhere already, hopefully if things are sorted out then we can all once again live in our family home where our son will be going to school next year! so moving closer to my ex and her family won't be required but if necessary i would consider it,we just need to take every day as it comes now!

Damsidebear

damsidebear

*update*
Hi folks remember me? Well I am back to square one I'm afraid! Last week (Monday) my partner was going into work but never went! She informed me by phone that day she wasn't coming home! For 5 whole days she had no contact with our son, on Friday she phones to inform me that a lawyer’s letter was on its way to me regarding her going for full custody of our son! She comes down to pick up her things speaks to our son for all of 30 seconds and away she goes! I should point out here she asked to have our son for the weekend, I refused! however the next day I call her and ask if she wants to take our son over night, she agrees and picks him up, we also agree that she will bring him home today around 6 30! that time lapses so I call her, after a few failed attempts at getting her she informs me she is not returning our son home! I am livid about this of course but I can't do a thing about it! I now have to wait until tomorrow to contact a lawyer which may take a week to actually meet up! Can someone explain what I need to do regards access to my son? I can't believe I was so stupid allowing her to take our son overnight and I can't believe she has stooped so low! All advice is welcome.

Turtle

I haven't got any advice I'm afraid, but just read the whole thread and wanted to say this must be an awful blow for you. Hope you manage to get something sorted out and you get your little boy back soon

damsidebear

Turtle wrote: »

I haven't got any advice I'm afraid, but just read the whole thread and wanted to say this must be an awful blow for you. Hope you manage to get something sorted out and you get your little boy back soon

Major blow, and the situation i was dreading, but now i just need to deal with it,that doesn't ease the pain.

damsidebear

can anyone offer any advice please?

clearingout

you will have an uphill struggle now, I'm afraid. See a solicitor and get into court as quickly as you can to get it sorted. The advice you were previously given still stands but my worry is that we're all talking England and you're in Scotland so you really do need that extra bit of expertise. You did the right thing, in my opinion, by letting him go, even if that turns out to the wrong thing in the end - in a court's eyes, you were trying to do what is right. She's now the one in the wrong rather than you.

I wouldn't waste time trying to reason with her or talk to her. Just take it down the legal route and worry about the cost of that later. Good luck and keep us posted.