My partner has left home with our son

damsidebear

clearingout wrote: »

the police won't do anything other than log the 'incident' and tell you it's a matter for the courts. However, it might be worth logging it with them - they will give you an incident number and you can then use that in any court paperwork. You expected the child back, he didn't arrive back so technically, he's 'lost'. It won't do any harm to call them - just don't call 999!

Based on my experiences, I woulds seriously try and get more than one solicitor's appointment over the next 24 hours or so. They do really vary in their approaches and whilst one might be pessimistic, another might be optimistic and more sure of being able to help you. At the same time,just be wary of the solicitors who will tell you what you want to hear - all they will do is wrack up costs and shrug their shoulders when it doesn't turn out the way you were told it might. Have you had a look at the Families Need Fathers website? I think they have a helpline.

Thanks I'll keep that in mind & I'll have a look at the website.

threemuttleys

OMG I have just read through this thread. OP I have no advice, I hope to god I am never in this situation. But I just wanted to wish you the best of luck, and give you a hug (sounds like you could do with it)

I hope this gets sorted, and the child is returned to his father

scooby088

damsidebear wrote: »

nothing they can do, the mother has every right to be with our son as i do.

But there are cases that fathers have taken their child abroad and even though his mother hasn't taken your son abroad it is still abduction.

damsidebear

scooby088 wrote: »

But there are cases that fathers have taken their child abroad and even though his mother hasn't taken your son abroad it is still abduction.

I spoke to a highly experienced police officer and there advice was that the police have no powers to have the mother return the son to the father we both have equal rights, and my son is with his mother at her flat.

clearingout

scooby088 wrote: »

But there are cases that fathers have taken their child abroad and even though his mother hasn't taken your son abroad it is still abduction.

a parent can't abduct their own child just by keeping them overnight. It doesn't work like that. If it did, the police would spend much of their time acting as a taxi service pushing children from one separated parent to the other. It's not workable and they won't get involved for this reason, however sympathetic they are (and I have found them very helpful when it's happened to me). the only way they might get involved in this situation is if the OP was saying mum had phoned him at the point of putting her head in the gas oven as clearly the child would be at risk if they didn't act, for example. Parents need to work things out between themselves and when they can't, the courts will get involved.

sjc3

I am so sorry OP. I have just read through this thread and really feel for you. I cannot imagine my husband and I using our daughter in this way, to hurt and frighten each other. Children are individual little people not pawns in a game. Your son probably feels very upset, anxious and confused by his mothers behaviour. I wish you all the luck in the world in getting him back. The mother sounds more than just a tad unstable.

damsidebear

sjc3 wrote: »

I am so sorry OP. I have just read through this thread and really feel for you. I cannot imagine my husband and I using our daughter in this way, to hurt and frighten each other. Children are individual little people not pawns in a game. Your son probably feels very upset, anxious and confused by his mothers behaviour. I wish you all the luck in the world in getting him back. The mother sounds more than just a tad unstable.

Thank you your kind words do help.

clearingout

sjc3 wrote: »

I am so sorry OP. I have just read through this thread and really feel for you. I cannot imagine my husband and I using our daughter in this way, to hurt and frighten each other. Children are individual little people not pawns in a game. Your son probably feels very upset, anxious and confused by his mothers behaviour. I wish you all the luck in the world in getting him back. The mother sounds more than just a tad unstable.

this is entirely 'normal' behaviour at the beginning of a relationship breakdown. I am sure many people here will agree with me. It doesn't make it right, of course, and you are right to point out that the person hurting most is probably the child. The OP himself has admitted to not 'allowing' the child to go with mum at the weekend - and if he's honest with himself, it was probably as much out of wanting to get at her in some way as for fear of non-return. It takes an awful lot of personal insight to keep a grip on these issues when you're in the middle of these situations. Otherwise 'normal', happy, non-violent souls find themselves behaving dreadfully when a relationship breaks down. I can remember moments in the early days of my ex husband leaving me when I thought I was living in some kind of dream - literally seeing myself slide down walls falling to the floor sobbing (Hollywood has nothing on reality, believe me!), screaming to let out the pain. It's very frightening to feel like that but there's little you can do but get through it.

Accusations of 'mental instability' amongst couples who are breaking up are very, very common. And usually ignored by the courts. It doesn't help to put that idea into the OP's head that his partner may be unstable in some way - she's behaving normally for these situations as far as I can see. The one 'thing' this couple have to argue over is the child - so they're jostling for the pole position. And no, doesn't make it right, least alone for the child. In which case, we have suggested the OP get legal advice and take things from there.

damsidebear

clearingout wrote: »

this is entirely 'normal' behaviour at the beginning of a relationship breakdown. I am sure many people here will agree with me. It doesn't make it right, of course, and you are right to point out that the person hurting most is probably the child. The OP himself has admitted to not 'allowing' the child to go with mum at the weekend - and if he's honest with himself, it was probably as much out of wanting to get at her in some way as for fear of non-return. It takes an awful lot of personal insight to keep a grip on these issues when you're in the middle of these situations. Otherwise 'normal', happy, non-violent souls find themselves behaving dreadfully when a relationship breaks down. I can remember moments in the early days of my ex husband leaving me when I thought I was living in some kind of dream - literally seeing myself slide down walls falling to the floor sobbing (Hollywood has nothing on reality, believe me!), screaming to let out the pain. It's very frightening to feel like that but there's little you can do but get through it.

Accusations of 'mental instability' amongst couples who are breaking up are very, very common. And usually ignored by the courts. It doesn't help to put that idea into the OP's head that his partner may be unstable in some way - she's behaving normally for these situations as far as I can see. The one 'thing' this couple have to argue over is the child - so they're jostling for the pole position. And no, doesn't make it right, least alone for the child. In which case, we have suggested the OP get legal advice and take things from there.

I have an appointment later today with a lawyer as i pointed out and you are correct to point out i 'initially refused' our sons mother to take him over the weekend not forgetting she through her own choice had no contact with our son for 5 days, i then came to my senses and said it was fine for her to take our son overnight (thinking i'm doing the correct thing) and now look where that has got me!

clearingout

I know. Doing the 'right' thing hasn't helped your situation. But what it has done is shown you to be reasonable - the child hadn't seen his mum for almost a week. It's not OK to deny him that contact just because you were in a position to do that. You did the right thing for your son and should be proud of that. That will work in your favour, I'm sure. I hope it goes well for you and your son and that you're able to come to some kind of amicable arrangement about where he lives and who with. Hoepfully you'll be able to share care for him which would give him the best of both world. I wish I had been able to sustain that situation with me ex, believe me.