My partner has left home with our son

sjc3

Dont know the answer to that one, will ask my parents as they stepped in and paid my brothers legal bills. They may have it all broken down in the paperwork they got.

Am sure though someone will be back on here later tonight or tomorrow that will have more knowledge than me on that area.

damsidebear

Thanks any way sjc3, i you do find out can you post it or pm me, but i'll keep checking the thread incase someone does have the answer.

noodledoodle78

My OH went through something similar to you for his dd (my step dd). We approached a solicitor and basically there is no hard and fast rule. The solicitor at the time said how long is a piece of string. Depends how willing your ex is to work with you to resolve access/ residency.
If she decides not to turn up to court/ ignore solicitors letters then it will obviously cost you lot more than if she plays ball/ co-operates with you.
Good luck.

clearingout

££££thousands is a ball park figure (my contact and residency case cost me about £6k but we didn't do a final hearing which would probably have been another £3k in its own right). It will depend on how she co-operates and whether or not you have a solicitor who will write a letter for every small thing (mine wouldn't - after a while it became clear my ex wasn't going to respond so she refused to send a letter unless it was something that we could later use against him in court, as it were). There is a lot of experience on https://www.wikivorce.com from dads going through similar and you should find some support at Families Need Fathers. Try not to go to your solicitor for everything - they will charge you for reading an e-mail! Solicitors aren't counsellors so just keep in mind communication with them needs to be business like and you'll minimize your costs as much as you can. Good luck with it - don't give up, keep calm and work through it.

space_rider

You can always represent yourself as I did. All it cost me was time and childcare for court appearances. If you google representing yourself in child contact cases there's a company in London that will send you an information pack. This was in 2005/6 so hope they are still going. The family court was really helpful when I was there too. What was interesting was watching the lawyers talking to each in the waiting room whilst the parents were scowling at each other. Once the cases were called they went back to being business like. It's all about money which I refused to part with. My ex got legal aid so it would have cost me alot of mobey. I know having contact with your child is priceless but it is still achievable doing it yourself.

damsidebear

clearingout wrote: »

££££thousands is a ball park figure (my contact and residency case cost me about £6k but we didn't do a final hearing which would probably have been another £3k in its own right). It will depend on how she co-operates and whether or not you have a solicitor who will write a letter for every small thing (mine wouldn't - after a while it became clear my ex wasn't going to respond so she refused to send a letter unless it was something that we could later use against him in court, as it were). There is a lot of experience on www.wikivorce.com from dads going through similar and you should find some support at Families Need Fathers. Try not to go to your solicitor for everything - they will charge you for reading an e-mail! Solicitors aren't counsellors so just keep in mind communication with them needs to be business like and you'll minimize your costs as much as you can. Good luck with it - don't give up, keep calm and work through it.

Just for advice & assistance? i am going back to see him today! as i hit a brick wall with my ex last night!

sjc3

Hope the meeting with your solicitor wil go well. My parents will dig out the paperwork and I will let you know. However as others have said it all depends on how your ex co-operates and your individual circumstances.

My brother kept costs down for my parents by not having any more contact or telephone calls, letters etc than were absolutely necessary.

Its such a shame that your ex wont just talk things through with you. As an idea, can you write her a letter. Word it so it clearly comes across about how you wish to help her raise your child. That being a lone parent is very tough and that you dont wish to walk away from your responsibility to your son and wish to help her. It may feel a bit gauling putting it that way, the point is if it allows you good access to your son does it matter in the long run.

A letter allows you to put everything you wish into words to her without the risk of having a phone slammed down on you. Chat during phonecalls can be misinterpreted and if you are completely on edge anyway it leaves you vulnerable. A letter allows you to express yourself without being under any pressure.

If you do send a letter keep a copy of it and give this to your solicitor

damsidebear

Quick update folks: I went and seen my son yesterday and all went well (more than expected) we have agreed short term that we will have shared residence so he returned home with me last night.

space_rider

Thank goodness for that. You both need to sort it out properly though as this uncertainty can't be good for the 3 of you.

sjc3

That is such good news. I am so pleased for you as it is obvious from your posts how much your son means to you. Maybe alot of what you said to your ex the other night did go in. After some time to think maybe she is seeing things in a different light.

Hope the lines of communication will stay open and you can resolve this with as little upset as possible. I would still go the legal route and get it all set up properly though for your own peace of mind.