Do you think this is vindictive or am I oversensitive?

picnmix

Well OP, I'm glad you had the photo done with your current kiddies, I wouldnt stress too much about this, if hubbys side of the family are vindictive then that is exactly what they will want. It was my FIL 60th birthday a couple of years ago and when we all pitched up at the party a large picture was unwrapped of all the grandkids apart from our 2 kiddies, and then MIL went on to all and sundry that she had bought all the little girls in the family new party dresses for this event (apart from ours), my hubby nearly blew his top, but we stayed, smiled and made polite conversation with everyone and thanked them for a lovely evening. It niggled me a bit but have my own lovely parents so didnt get too bothered, hubby was all for ringing and airing his grievence, but life too short, I told him not to sweat the small stuff.

My MIL has never really taken to me as she told me once as I took her son away from her (we live a fair way from them, the rest of the family live close by, although we do make an effort to visit quite often) there have been barbed comments, downright rudeness (one particular memorable moment that people still talk about was at our wedding reception). However, I dont dislike my MIL, if anything I feel a little sorry for her, she has on/off relationships with all of her children, doesn't speak to her own mum or sister so wheras I am not close to her, I would never disrespect her - we are all different, be thankful you have your own lovely family with another one on the way.

FBaby

well, it is now too late now, but my suggestion would have been to take an enlarged photograph of your best scan picture and get the oldest child to hold in on the picture, that would have been very sweet and later could have been pointed to the grown up baby and say that was her/he.

luxor4t

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

...... I do have some sympathies with both points of view, but I think you've split the thread into mothers in law and those who suffer from nasty ones.

I'm in the suffer from nasty ones camp!

I've a foot in both camps: let's just say I've learned some very valuable lessons about being a MiL from my own experiences

Pollycat

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

Just a quick update. Photo has been taken so thats that done and dusted. Sil had told OH to make sure our kids were dressed casually in jeans and Tshirt for the photo. However I followed my instinct and dressed them smartly and brought casual clothes in the car just in case. Lo and behold she had her girls in dresses and boys in shirts and ties. Obviously had I followed her orders then our kids would have looked like right scruffs in comparison. I suppose it could be said that Im just as bad for dressing the kids but having put up with other antics for 20 years I knew to err on side of caution. Had her kids been dressed casual Id have changed mine too but it does look to me that she was at her work.

Thanks everyone for all your responses.

I'm glad you got it sorted.

TBH, that doesn't sound like a very nice thing for your SIL to do with the kids' clothes.

I would have said something like 'what happened to the 'be casual' in jeans and T-shirts?'.

Best wishes for the birth.

aliasojo

Pollycat wrote: »

I would have said something like 'what happened to the 'be casual' in jeans and T-shirts?'.

Me too. I don't understand why so many people (because you are far from being the only one) just let things go.

I'm not suggestion you start an argument over it, but I do feel if people allow themselves to be treated in this way then all they will ever get, is more of the same.

FatVonD

I'm glad you were one step ahead of SIL re the attire, OP, it's just a shame you needed to be. I do think though that it's reasonable to only have children that are actually born at the time of her birthday in the pic though, I think maybe your SIL's spiteful nature has just coloured your reaction to it in this case.

For what it's worth I don't think you should beat yourself up for name calling, if you can't call your MIL and 'old hag' safe in the anonymity of the internet then where can you?!

clairehi

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

Just a quick update. Photo has been taken so thats that done and dusted. Sil had told OH to make sure our kids were dressed casually in jeans and Tshirt for the photo. However I followed my instinct and dressed them smartly and brought casual clothes in the car just in case. Lo and behold she had her girls in dresses and boys in shirts and ties. Obviously had I followed her orders then our kids would have looked like right scruffs in comparison. I suppose it could be said that Im just as bad for dressing the kids but having put up with other antics for 20 years I knew to err on side of caution. Had her kids been dressed casual Id have changed mine too but it does look to me that she was at her work.

Thanks everyone for all your responses.

Well I think that pretty much vindicates what you said above about your SIL...

Well done on out-manouvring her, she sounds like a right piece of work!

Good luck with the new baby. I wouldnt worry too much about he/she being missed out of the photo for MIL.

That gives you a reason to do it all again in a couple of years:rotfl:

Ex-Spendaholic

aliasojo wrote: »

Me too. I don't understand why so many people (because you are far from being the only one) just let things go.

I'm not suggestion you start an argument over it, but I do feel if people allow themselves to be treated in this way then all they will ever get, is more of the same.

Believe me I'm not the type of person to let things go. However, I knew fine well that had I said anything she would know that she had got to mem and would have delighted in the fact. Instead I have left her to stew that her cunning plan didn't work.

The reality is I don't have to see her very often so will return to my world where she doesn't exist.

sassyblue

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Obviously the concept of manners is a new one to you.

Manners? There are times when manners just won't do but a swift glare, smirk or telling backstabbers that if they cross you again they'll be picking their own entrails off the floor seems to hit home with them. 99% of the time l ignore nonsense like the OP's SIL, it drives them mad, but l have resorted to the latter twice but with resounding success. :rotfl:

To the OP, well done to you l'd have done the same (packed the nicer clothes just in case), maybe you could have another picture done of your own children when the baby is born