Do you think this is vindictive or am I oversensitive?

Ex-Spendaholic

The term "old hag" was just a random figure of speech I didnt realise it would result in a complete psychoanalysis. I'll go change it to lovely lady - or maybe not.

liney

Just a really morbid point, but the lady is going to be 80, which is a ripe old age. If you made her wait for another 6 weeks it's possible she would never get the photo. It's unlikely, but possible. How would you feel then?

I think your sister in law had come up with a lovely idea, and frankly, it's all about your MiL not you. You can always give MiL a nicely framed photo of the baby when it's born if you want to be two faced.

Pollycat

cattkitt wrote: »

The option that appeals to me is having a shot of all the existing grandchildren, grinning at the camera, with you and bump in the middle, with all the children surrounding you, and with a hand on your tummy.

Maybe it's just me, but I think it would be cute and funny.

It might or might not be just you, cattkitt, but it's certainly not me.

Yucky idea.

Would an 80 year old lady really want a photo of a DIL (who on a public forum refers to her as an 'old hag') surrounded by said 80 year old's grandchildren?

If anybody else should be in the photograph it should be her own children.

lors71

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

The term "old hag" was just a random figure of speech I didnt realise it would result in a complete psychoanalysis. I'll go change it to lovely lady - or maybe not.

haha bet you love her really..........never mind about the psychoanalysis,leave them to it...who knows she might actually be alot worse than an "old hag"...by the way £250 for a pic is really expensive..my issue would not be about bump not being in it...more to do with do you want to spend that much...am in no way saying she is not worth every single penny of it,of course...pmsl!:rotfl:..

VK-2008

if it were me i would not agree to go ahead with it until baby is born. you can tell her about the gift and explain you want the whole family to be there i am sure she would see your point of view. as for sil i would tell her straight that it seems silly leaving baby out for a matter of a few weeks

or you could agree to it but just keep saying your other kids wont be available until after your babys born

cattkitt

Maybe my idea only works if everyone takes the high road, and works on the premise of love and family and with that, inclusiveness, which is theoretically the idea behind the photo.

I suggested the grandchildren photo idea for what turned out to be my FIL's last Father's Day. I didn't have children, but wanted him to have a good present. As the most affluent in the family, if the others weren't up for it, I'd offered to pay for it myself.

The way things turned out, they all chipped in, and a photo of the children was duly taken. And the others insisted on having also having a photo taken of all of us, DILs included. Muggins here was ready to write out a cheque, but was ordered to dress up, dragged along to the photo shoot, and placed in the middle of the photo. Lol.

And the best part was that was the picture my FIL loved it, and selected that one to be the one he framed. Happy endings.

Pollycat

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

The term "old hag" was just a random figure of speech I didnt realise it would result in a complete psychoanalysis. I'll go change it to lovely lady - or maybe not.

I'd never call my MIL an old hag, even as a random figure of speech.

Maybe you have issues with your MIL as well as your SIL or maybe you are projecting your obvious anger at your SIL onto your MIL.
I think you should ask yourself whether she really deserves to be referred to as an old hag.

If you thought of her as a 'lovely lady' you'd have said that.

Maybe it's your hormones or maybe not but if I thought my (non-existant) DIL thought of me as an old hag, I'd not even want her to buy me a bouquet of flowers.

I think your real anger should be directed against your easy-going OH who should have checked with you first before agreeing to his sister's suggestion.

I just hope your attitude to this gift doesn't spoil the day of an old lady who possibly deserves more than that.

cattkitt

One thing I would take into consideration, having watched what is valued by the older generation, and what gives them "clout", pride and something to show off to their peers, is having the backing of their family. Thus the bigger the "army" they can produce that "belongs" to them, the better. Just my observation for the majority of OAPs I have encountered. Is this a line of reasoning your MIL follows, or is she totally different?

Ex-Spendaholic

I'll not be spoiling anything. We are just about to go to the photographers. In addition there will be a family meal at a local hotel for 20 people for which we will get to pay half off. I will arrange for flowers to be delivered to her from us quite simply because OH wouldn't think to do it.

I never said I was going to try to put a spanner in the works, I was just asking for opinions.

Pollycat

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

I'll not be spoiling anything. We are just about to go to the photographers. In addition there will be a family meal at a local hotel for 20 people for which we will get to pay half off. I will arrange for flowers to be delivered to her from us quite simply because OH wouldn't think to do it.

I never said I was going to try to put a spanner in the works, I was just asking for opinions.

I didn't suggest you were going to put a spanner in the works or spoil things - I said I hoped you weren't.

In your first post, you mentioned your grievances:

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

As SIL has been very vindictive and nasty in the past over many things I do believe that she has done this deliberately in order to try to provoke a reaction from me and cause trouble/hurt. I'm not taking the bait and the photo will be taken today despite my grievances.

When you have a grievance (whether actual or imagined) subconciously you could make things uncomfortable for other guests.

You did ask what people thought .