Do you think this is vindictive or am I oversensitive?

Ex-Spendaholic

Long story cut short. MIL has her 80th birthday in 2 weeks time. SIL (who is known for being nasty and vindictive) told my OH that she was organising a phototographer of all the grandkids as a joint gift from her and OH ie we would be paying half (its costing £250). Its worth noting at this point that OH is an easy going type of person, sees the wrong in no-one and goes alone with anything for an easy life. So he agreed. It gets him off the hook of organising anything and thats the sort of guy he is. :rotfl:

The issue is I'm expecting a baby in 5 weeks. My logic would have been to give the old hag a bouquet of flowers and some vouchers on her birthday and get the photo taken once the baby arrived - that way all the grandkids would be in it rather than one of the 8 of them but without the new baby.

I did say this to OH but he was of the opinion that she had to have the portrait on her birthday, not a few weeks later. If it was SIL having the baby there is no way it would be left out.

As SIL has been very vindictive and nasty in the past over many things I do believe that she has done this deliberately in order to try to provoke a reaction from me and cause trouble/hurt. I'm not taking the bait and the photo will be taken today despite my grievances.

What do others think?

onetomany

i would feel the same hun, how about giving the vouchers on her birthday and booking the shots after the baby is born, thant way she has the option of beaning in the photo if she wishes xx

Bloomin_Freezing2

I don't know if i'd say she's being vindictive, but if she has a history of being a nasty cow I can totally appreciate why you're feeling like this. I understand why it would be sensible to wait, but from her point of view it's her mum's b'day and she's had the idea for a lovely gift. She wants to give it in time for her mums b'day, I get that.

What's your money situation like? (you don't have to answer ) Maybe you could have a beautiful photo of your new baby done and give that to MIL? There's plenty of photo vouchers in Bounty packs so i'm sure something would be possible.

As hard as it is to bite your tongue (trust me, I always say what I think) try to ride this one out. If she is doing it to be a cow, thats bang out of order, epsecially in your condition. My dads wife did something to purposely wind me up big time when I was just past my due date. Try not to show her how she's made you feel, if she's doing it on purpose don't give her the satisfaction.

Sorry i've not really answered your question. Maybe I see is at a bit of both. Who cares if she's doing this lovely gift for your MIL, in a few weeks time you'll be giving her another beautiful grandchild, who can compete with that?

MrsE_2

Buy separate presents. She gets a photo of all her kids in time for the birthday.
You give her a token present & get your kids photo done when your baby arrives.
Simple.

webitha

me i would tell her to jog on and just do her own kids, and i personally would get one done with all my kids in it after LO has been born

Plans_all_plans

I think you are being oversensitive. Your SIL has better things to do than deliberately upset you!

If you're not happy with the arrangement, just ring her up and say you'd like the new baby to be in the pics so either rearrange the shoot or you lot aren't gonna pay up and will get your own present.

There doesn't need to be a drama about it all.

Oldernotwiser

More worrying is thwe way in which you refer to your elderly MIL as "the old hag". Are you sure that it's the SIL who is unpleasant?

nonnie44

You have my sympathy, I have had some problems in the past with MIL and some of my SIL's. A big part of their problems have been jealously - is it possible that SIL is jealous of the new baby and the attention you will get? If so who cares, if OH is happy enough to go along (took my OH several years before he admitted that his mother really upset him too) then grit your teeth let it happen and when the baby is born get a lovely picture of gran holding the baby and enlarge it, frame it and give it as a belated gift.

Good luck, it takes a lot to rise above it and I think unless you've had problems with MIL's etc it can be difficult to understand.

Pollycat

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

More worrying is thwe way in which you refer to your elderly MIL as "the old hag". Are you sure that it's the SIL who is unpleasant?

That struck me too, Oldernotwiser, not a particularly nice thing to say.

Ex-Spendaholic
Your OH agreed to having the photo taken in the first place.

And HE (not your SIL) has told you that the photo should be given on your MIL's birthday, not several weeks later.
That should tell you something coming from a man who you describe as

an easy going type of person

Without evidence of your SIL's vindictive and nasty acts, I'd say that yes, you were being over-sensitive.

Fuzzy_Duck

It's difficult to say. Unfortunately there are people in the world that have nothing better to do than wind up others, but regardless of her intent it's best not to let it get to you. I'd take MrsE's advice and do separate presents. £250 is a lot of money to spend so you could refuse on those grounds (I would find it a bit of a cheek being expected to spend so much with a baby on the way I must admit).

I do agree with Oldernotwiser though- not nice calling MIL an old hag :eek: She could be for all I know but that's not the point of this thread!

belfastgirl23

I'd let your OH decide - his family, his rules