Do you think this is vindictive or am I oversensitive?

Reds-on-Sea

Let the photoshoot happen, then have a nice photo of your new arrival done & get it framed and give it to MIL afterwards.

Ex-Spendaholic

Just a quick update. Photo has been taken so thats that done and dusted. Sil had told OH to make sure our kids were dressed casually in jeans and Tshirt for the photo. However I followed my instinct and dressed them smartly and brought casual clothes in the car just in case. Lo and behold she had her girls in dresses and boys in shirts and ties. Obviously had I followed her orders then our kids would have looked like right scruffs in comparison. I suppose it could be said that Im just as bad for dressing the kids but having put up with other antics for 20 years I knew to err on side of caution. Had her kids been dressed casual Id have changed mine too but it does look to me that she was at her work.

Thanks everyone for all your responses.

Oldernotwiser

cattkitt wrote: »

Two faced! That's the one!
Does anyone else have one of these MILs?
I don't get it. If you don't like me, you don't like me. We can agree to sit apart at family gatherings.
What I don't understand is why the kissy-kissy act and then the backstabbing? At least have the cajones to just say "I don't like you". Doh. And don't waste time on the smiling. I mean, if I don't like someone, I find it creepy to be hugging them and stuff. Surely only ladies of the night do that, and they do it because they're paid to do so?

Obviously the concept of manners is a new one to you.

cattkitt

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Obviously the concept of manners is a new one to you.

Is condoning hypocrisy is an old one to you?

thorsoak

To some people, it would now appear that good manners = hypocrasy:(

mrcow

thorsoak wrote: »

To some people, it would now appear that good manners = hypocrasy:(

I think it depends on the situation.

To be smiles and compliments to someone's face when you then turn around and slag them off behind their back at the first given opportunity isn't being well-mannered - it's being a hypocrite.

Frankly, if I know for a fact that someone is being insincere when they're nice to my face, I'd much prefer it if they didn't bother.

Caroline_a

I was brought up to be polite to my elders - whatever I thought of them! My ex MIL was a proper dragon, don't get me started.... but I was always polite to her as to tell her my true thoughts would have been somewhat err... interesting!

gratefulforhelp_2

I guess it depends on how many times you can be on the receiving end of the MIL saying what she really thinks and not retaliate.

mrcow

Caroline_a wrote: »

I was brought up to be polite to my elders - whatever I thought of them! My ex MIL was a proper dragon, don't get me started.... but I was always polite to her as to tell her my true thoughts would have been somewhat err... interesting!

I was brought up to stand up for myself. I'm no fool and don't like to be taken for one. As the old man down the road found out - the one who thinks he can go round upsetting anyone he fancies because he's old and considers himself well educated which somehow gives him the "right" to try and bully others who don't do things his way. He's upset just about every neighbour we have over the years.

He picked on me once, and won't ever again.......funny, he's all politeness to me now that he knows I bite back! Ridiculous really - he's just a stupid old git who likes to throw his weight around (his usual victims are usually inanimate ojects, such a people's cars; young children; or women) and can't handle it when someone pushes back. Forsaking manners is sometimes a necessary evil for the long term good. especially when you are in the right.

Let someone treat you like a doormat, and a doormat you will be.

cattkitt

Funnily enough, I've never actually been rude to her. I was just assertive, and greeted her cordially. What I did do was to refuse to partake of the routine of hugs and kisses (my SILs told me they admired me for refusing, and then moan every now and again when she gets them on the lips. Lol!) and "Oh, you're so nice", knowing that she would continue backstabbing and sniping after that.

It was definitely a game to her. She got most put out when after the latest poison pen letter, she got no reaction from us(we just ignored it). She probed my SILs, hoping for tales of indignation, etc, and got none. Finally, she couldn't stand it any more, and came out with "I suppose Catt & Mr Catt aren't coming to the family Easter party?" Surprised, my SIL said "Yes they are". My MIL replied "But I sent them a letter, and isn't Catt upset?". LOL. She so outed herself.