Nice new house, missus wants to live with parents, baby on way. Advice

tanith

What the heck are her parents thinking, she has a wonderful partner whose committed and built her a home, I don't understand why they aren't encouraging her to live in your lovely cottage in fact I don't understand why they haven't packed her bags and moved her in.. she is being selfish to my mind , and her parents should be giving her a stern talking to , either she wants to be with you and baby or she doesn't .. sorry if that harsh but it makes sense to me..

pipsta

tanith wrote: »

What the heck are her parents thinking, she has a wonderful partner whose committed and built her a home, I don't understand why they aren't encouraging her to live in your lovely cottage in fact I don't understand why they haven't packed her bags and moved her in.. she is being selfish to my mind , and her parents should be giving her a stern talking to , either she wants to be with you and baby or she doesn't .. sorry if that harsh but it makes sense to me..

Her and her mum are very close and her mum will always support what she wants. Harsh to say i know but i think her mum likes the idea of us living at home because she sees her new baby grandson/daughter everyday.

Make-it-3

Well if that's the case, they're not going to lend their support to you finding another house together either - you'll still be there when the child is in its teens.

*Louise*

Will she entertain the idea of moving in together between now and Xmas to see how things go?

She might reconsider living with Mummy if you two get on well and you show her plenty of support.

pipsta

Shes going to come stay with me alternate weeks she reckons until baby is born

JodyBPM

I think she's most likely just overwhelmed by a new baby and a new home at the same time. She's young, and a having a baby is a life changing experience.

I'd give her some time, she'll no doubt be ready to cut the apron strings soon enough, when she's had the baby.

Assuming the distance between where her parents are, and where your cottage is isn't unmanageable, I'd just stay in your cottage, set up a room as a nursery, and perhaps suggest that she and the baby stay weekends with you, but she stays with her parents during the week for extra company whilst you work. I wouldn't move into her parents house, myself, though.

I don't think everyone should be too harsh on her, I'm not sure that she's selfish, more scared to go out into the big unknown on her own for the first time at the same time as becoming a mother. But she will build confidence and feel ready to move in her own time.

pipsta

JodyBPM wrote: »

I think she's most likely just overwhelmed by a new baby and a new home at the same time. She's young, and a having a baby is a life changing experience.

I'd give her some time, she'll no doubt be ready to cut the apron strings soon enough, when she's had the baby.

Assuming the distance between where her parents are, and where your cottage is isn't unmanageable, I'd just stay in your cottage, set up a room as a nursery, and perhaps suggest that she and the baby stay weekends with you, but she stays with her parents during the week for extra company whilst you work. I wouldn't move into her parents house, myself, though.

I don't think everyone should be too harsh on her, I'm not sure that she's selfish, more scared to go out into the big unknown on her own for the first time at the same time as becoming a mother. But she will build confidence and feel ready to move in her own time.

I cant live away though because I will want to be there to help with the baby etc.

jjww_2

Hi,

I think both you girlfriend and her parents are daft the only way anyone is going to get anywhere in life is by trying things before deciding they don't work.

My other halfs mum is desperate even now after we have been married and in our own home with our child for 12 years to get us to move into hers and my oh is in his 30s. my brother in law is 32 and still at home with his mum and dad and other brother and wife are there all day every day, sounds like your girlfriends mum is like my mum in law and does not want her to grow up and leave her maybe she is scared of being alone and guilt tripping your girlfriend into making this stupid arrangement.

Your girlfriend needs to stand on her own two feet away from her mum and get on with living her own life.

Make-it-3

pipsta wrote: »

Shes going to come stay with me alternate weeks she reckons until baby is born

Then do everything you can to build on this, make weekends special, include her in household decisions and decide on the baby's room together. Gradual steps are maybe what is needed here.

Fen1

I would second all the posters who have suggested that you stay in the cottage, making up a nursey, and encouraging her to live there in degrees.
She should come and live with you as soon as possible, so that she gets used to it.

Do not move in with the parents. Your position as the father will be undermined by m-i-l from day one. If not for your own wellbeing, it will be the start of an unhealthy set-up for your child.
Babies are incredibly quick at picking up tension and soon understand who has dominant positions in a household.
M-i-l needs to remember that she is a grandparent, not a surrogate parent -you are the parent.