Nice new house, missus wants to live with parents, baby on way. Advice

pipsta

RAS wrote: »

Hi

Ignoring the house, does she really want a full-time live-in relationship with you? Have you live together at weekends and in the holidays or has she always run home to mummy and daddy.

We have never lived together, Im at home with parents as is she when she was home from uni but i stay over her parents every night with her and are there as much as I can be.

*Louise*

Maybe she is scared fo coping with a baby when it is born and wants to be near her parents?

Could you perhaps compromise and agree to move in with her parents just before the birth and up to a month afterwards (so she has support for those hardest first few weeks) and then the two of you move into the cottage with a view to sell and buy somewhere together after a while?

Personally I think she is being a bit awkward and selfish, I would have been over the moon if I was in that situation and my OH had worked so hard on somewhere for us to live.

pipsta

pipsta wrote: »

She has a car so she can drive where she likes.

Her Mum works full time so no childcare support.

Her sister can help but i dont think thats the point. We are having a child,we shouldnt be relying on other people to look after it.

I have suggested living there for a while until we can buy a house "together" but she would rather stay at home.

I cant understand why!

Trouble is i cant understand why she would want to stay at home over coming to live with me in a newly renovated cottage and another side of me says Am i being unreasonable not accepting that she wants to stay at home until we get a new house?


I think she might think i may never sell it if she moves in. (not the case)

Shall i set a time frame to sell it? do you think this will make her see sense?

Im even struggle telling people the situation because everyone just assumes she is moving in. Constant questions about baby room etc... I feel silly telling people she wants to stay at home.

lynzpower

pipsta wrote: »

I have suggested living there for a while until we can buy a house "together" but she would rather stay at home.

I cant understand why!

Trouble is i cant understand why she would want to stay at home over coming to live with me in a newly renovated cottage and another side of me says Am i being unreasonable not accepting that she wants to stay at home until we get a new house?


I think she might think i may never sell it if she moves in. (not the case)

Shall i set a time frame to sell it? do you think this will make her see sense?

Im even struggle telling people the situation because everyone just assumes she is moving in. Constant questions about baby room etc... I feel silly telling people she wants to stay at home.

its not so much how long it takes to sell but what sort of loss youll make when you do eventually sell.

I think you need to get the agents round.

What does she think about the loss? She must know that the housing market iasnt what it was, does she expect you to swallow thousands of pounds worth of loss or is she going to give you lots of cash to make up for it.

Any

pipsta wrote: »

I have suggested living there for a while until we can buy a house "together" but she would rather stay at home.

I cant understand why!

Trouble is i cant understand why she would want to stay at home over coming to live with me in a newly renovated cottage and another side of me says Am i being unreasonable not accepting that she wants to stay at home until we get a new house?


I think she might think i may never sell it if she moves in. (not the case)

Shall i set a time frame to sell it? do you think this will make her see sense?

Im even struggle telling people the situation because everyone just assumes she is moving in. Constant questions about baby room etc... I feel silly telling people she wants to stay at home.

You have to speak with her.

Tell her your reasons for not selling now and let her give you some reason for hers (I would like to hear those). Maybe if one of her concerns is that she is worried you will never sell it once she is in then by giving deadline for sale might help.

Any

lynzpower wrote: »

its not so much how long it takes to sell but what sort of loss youll make when you do eventually sell.

I think you need to get the agents round.

What does she think about the loss? She must know that the housing market iasnt what it was, does she expect you to swallow thousands of pounds worth of loss or is she going to give you lots of cash to make up for it.

He already said before that he will make tidy little profit on it, he just wants to enjoy the fruit of his labour..
Also putting house on market 3 months before baby is born..

I know I wouldn't.

Nick_Knock

I think she is very lucky to have you!

Sorry to say this, but she is sounding a touch spoilt and needs to cut the apron ties somewhat.

I understand that you don't want to sell your cottage after working so hard on it, and why would you. Personally I think she's mad but thats my opinion.

You have done all you can to try and make the cottage 'our' cottage but you say she is not interested.

I think the time has come for some open talking, as I don't think you are the one being unreasonable.

If you can't reach a truce why not rent yours out and rent a place together - might be the wisest thing to do since you have not lived together yet and she seams to not want to leave home.

pinkshoes

I still think she's being a selfish cow!

A good compromise would be for her to move in with you, and the house to go on the market. When it sells, THEN move in with her parents (thus being chain free), and start looking for a place to buy together.

If she's not willing to do that, then she really is being a selfish cow! I would NEVER expect my OH to move in with my parents if he had a home of his own, and I would never consider not living with the father of my child. At least she's getting a beautiful cottage to live in. I have to contend with a 1970s duck egg blue bathroom suite, with those 1970s swirly blue tiles, and a cork floor! Sob! I am actually quite jealous, although there are now plans for a new bathroom for my OHs house, as I'm very good at tiling, and he can plumb it in!

themull1

Of course its not the cottage, its the fact that its in a different village from her parents, you haven't really lived in your cottage so its not like she met you after you were living there. its a youth thing. ideally she will want to live next door to her mam and dad. She is young, but i wouldn't instantly put cottage on market, i think that she is being very selfish to be honest, she should really want to be with you anywhere, rather than her parents house.

Charlie1978

If she's not earning a decent wage when your new mortgage on the new house actually happens will it not still feel like your house to her? Because to be honest, if that's the way she is thinking then you're never going to get out of your and my stuff.

She needs to stop being so utterly stupid and join you in the loving home you have created for your family.

Honestly, some people just don't know what is good for them!