Nice new house, missus wants to live with parents, baby on way. Advice

pipsta

Hi Guys need some advice.

I've spent the last year doing up a 200 year old cottage for myself. Started from scratch and have had to do everything myself as on a tight budget.

Started november 09.

As of April this year the girlfriend has fallen pregnant and baby is due in January 11. My predicement is..

The house now ready to be lived in but the other half doesnt want to live there. I bought the house myself last year as needed to get on property ladder whilst the prices were low and had the money to do it and missus at Uni. She doesnt want to live there because she sees it as my house and wants a house we can by together.

She wants me to sell up so we can buy something else. Baby is due very shortly and i dont think this is the best time to be doing so. I dont mind selling up, but not just yet as i have spent nearly a year of my life (every day after work and all weekend) every day for the last year doing this house up.

Because she doesnt want to live in house she wants to stay with her folks.

Am I being unreasonable asking her to come live with me?

Im a bit stuck now because if I want to see/help bring up my kiddy I am going to have to live with her folks until we get this new house together.

I get on great with her folks but I want my own space now (28years old)

Am I being unreasonable?

Advice needed greatly guys

Thank you

poe.tuesday

is she basically saying that you either sell up and buy a new place or both of you move into her parents or is she saying that if you don't sell up she is going to live with her parents without you?

pipsta

She has said this outright but her and her mum are already planning everything around living at home. Its a touchy subject at the moment so hasnt been discussed in full. But in a nushell she has told me how she feels about my house and doesnt want be living there when the baby is born.

pipsta

Do you think it is nuts to live with the folks when I have a lovely cottage ready to be moved into. Everything brand new, she doesnt have to pay a penny either, yet she wants to stay at home until we buy a place together. Is this silly?

lynzpower

pipsta wrote: »

Do you think it is nuts to live with the folks when I have a lovely cottage ready to be moved into. Everything brand new, she doesnt have to pay a penny either, yet she wants to stay at home until we buy a place together. Is this silly?

Sounds wildly silly to me

You might want to humour her tho and get some estate agents around and theyll tell you a) how quickly it is likely to sell b) what you will get back for it.
Is she working then, is she likely to go back to work once baby is born?
How much does she earn, what will that get you ( taking into account childcare costs)

Does she have a large deposit adn thousands toward stamp duty costs of a new house?

Have you been together long?

Make-it-3

I agree from a practical perspective it would be crazy to sell now, even with the improvements you've made it might still not recoup what you have spent. Also, the last thing you need is the stress of house-moving when you have a child on the way. Besides it could be stuck on the market without any offers for a long time.

You don't say how long you have been with your girlfriend, and how serious your relationship is. But it sounds like the house has very much been your own pet project. Has she had any input in choosing how it looks?

Obviously you need to sit down and talk together, but also you need to think about compromises you are willing to make so that she feels comfortable moving in:

Firstly, will it still be your house - are you willing to put her on the deeds? Would you be willing for her to change things, ie redecorate jointly so it reflects both your taste? Do you have a room chosen for a nursery, has she had any input in this?

In my view you need to be changing your thinking/language so its "our house" "our starter home".

I think if you can agree with her that it is not your forever home, and but somewhere for two or three years and that you will choose a place together down the line you may well see her relent a little. My bet is she wants security and being in a place she feels she belongs - you have to offer her that.

Bonny1

This is really simple.. Your girlfriend does NOT want to leave home... or her Mother, she's pulling every excuse imaginable to prevent her having to move into your beautifully renovated Cottage.. Selling right now, would be a huge mistake... keep you cottage, it's yours..

I would question your relationship as a whole Sweetheart, you sound like a real diamond, and well, maybe it's just not worth fighting it.

Good luck honey, I really think your going to need it...

pipsta

Her mum is an estate agent (a very good one at that) so im sure we would have no trouble selling the current house. I have no quarms with selling it as I am going to make quite a nice profit on it. But I ve spent a year of my life doing this place up, i want to at least enjoy some of it, (is this unreasonable?)
She has just finished uni so doesnt have a full time job yet, but she will work as soon as she can. She has about £4000 savings. I have about £2000 left over from renovation.

Been together 5 years.

Tish_P

Is she worried that if the relationship breaks up she'll lose her home? Or is it a psychological thing of not feeling like the space is equally hers? If it's the second one, then some kind talking it over might help - ask her to redecorate half the house in her own choice of colours or something.

If it's the first one you need to talk even more, and plan your financial future together with all the bases covered. It does seem as though it would make most sense in this market for you to live in the cottage, but it's understandable that she doesn't want to be totally dependent on you for the roof over her (and the kid's) head. Can she buy out half the house so you joint own it?

tiamai_d

She sounds like a spoilt so and so. And a thick one too.

Forcing you to sell a house at a loss (which it probably will be) knowing that if things do improve then there is no guarantee that you will be able to afford a house in a few years time, so she can stay at home with her mummy? I'd let her. She'll be changing her mind when her mum starts sticking her nose in once baby is here. Either that or if you do move in with them, you will be very much at the bottom of the line of parental figures in your babies life.

I really can not see things how she sees them. You have what sounds like a lovely home (I am very jealous) and she wants to stay with mummy and daddy?

Fen1

OK, May be totally wrong here, but.....

I'm guessing she's about 21 ( university?), this is an unplanned pregnancy, and she really wasn't expecting the relationship to have to develop this quickly.

If OH is older, where was she living whilst at Uni? Where was she living before she fell pregnant?

Were the two of you living together, or was she at Uni digs or with her parents?

I'm guessing that she feels out of control with this pregnancy and is 'retreating' back to her family home. She wants to be looked after by her parents because she is feeling vulnerable.

If she were confident in herself - and your relationship - moving into your house would probably not be a problem.

I would really try to find out how she 1. feels about you as a husband; 2. feels about you as a father ; 3. feels about the pregnancy.

Having this conversation is gong to be hard, but it has to be done.