Nice new house, missus wants to live with parents, baby on way. Advice

pipsta

I dont think she is having doubts about our future because she gets upset when she sees me upset and tells me she loves me and is afraid of loosing me etc. When I tell her the reason i am upset, she goes on the defensive again saying to me "you know how i feel about the house"

What upsets me the most i think is that I am trying to compromise and make it as easy as possible for her but its still not enough. All she keeps saying is "you bought the house and its yours and your parents" its not mine and my parents at all. Yes they helped me with the renovation but thats just them helping me along otherwise it would of took me longer on my own. What ever I do i cannot win. Ive keep telling her its as much hers as it is mine, even offered to put her on deeds 50 - 50, decorate how she wants, buy furniture she wants (all at my expense btw) but nope, not good enough

Errata

pipsta wrote: »

Ive tried talking to her about it again the other day and re-assured her that i will happily stay with her at her mums for the first month after the baby is born as I know it will be tough for her but its whats happening after that month that I am not happy with. She wont talk about it either, she keeps saying we will cross the bridge when we get to it. In the meantime im suffering through uncertainty.

She's refusing to discuss your child's future with you ? Man up and insist that she does. You owe at least that much to your child, don't you?

MrsAnnie

Hi Pipsta,

It is clearly evident how much you love this young lady and the lengths that you are willing to go to make a family home together. I think that she lacks the maturity that you already have. Or maybe it is wild hormones kicking in. But what ever it is she is not willing to budge until she gets it all her way.

pipsta wrote: »

What ever I do i cannot win. Ive keep telling her its as much hers as it is mine, even offered to put her on deeds 50 - 50, decorate how she wants, buy furniture she wants (all at my expense btw) but nope, not good enough

IMO this offer is way too generous.

You (and your parents) have invested a buddle into your house. I think until she has given you a firm and lasting commitment to the relationship, this offer should be put on the back burner for now.

The fact that you are prepared to provide her with a home for the new family and she is still saying it is not good enough, should be sounding alarm bells .


I sincerely hope this has a happy ending, because you sound like a really decent guy.

Sparkles79

I may have a solution.....don't know if anyone else has already posted this....

Say that you will move in for the month after the baby is born. Say that you will put the house on the market at the point you move back to your house, then ask her to move in to help you sell the house. If she is so desparate to sell then it would make sense to have someone there during the day to show prospective buyers around, whilst you are at work.

That way you are addressing her concerns and asking for help to get rid of the place she does not want.

Btw. I moved into my partners house and I still live there with him, a home is what you make of it!

pipsta

Sparkles79 wrote: »

I may have a solution.....don't know if anyone else has already posted this....

Say that you will move in for the month after the baby is born. Say that you will put the house on the market at the point you move back to your house, then ask her to move in to help you sell the house. If she is so desparate to sell then it would make sense to have someone there during the day to show prospective buyers around, whilst you are at work.

That way you are addressing her concerns and asking for help to get rid of the place she does not want.

Btw. I moved into my partners house and I still live there with him, a home is what you make of it!

I have suggested this to her that I will meet her in the middle by putting on the market a month after baby is born but from her i need the commitment that she will come live with me in the cottage. You can guess what her answer was

RacyRed

pipsta wrote: »

Ive tried talking to her about it again the other day and re-assured her that i will happily stay with her at her mums for the first month after the baby is born as I know it will be tough for her but its whats happening after that month that I am not happy with. She wont talk about it either, she keeps saying we will cross the bridge when we get to it. In the meantime im suffering through uncertainty.

Maybe she is hoping that once you move in with her mum it will be that much harder for you to move out again as you will establish yourselves as a family in that environment? So she gets her own way?

Be careful with that one, you may need to reconsider that plan.

Why is she bringing your parents into the house question? Is it possible that one of your parents has inadvertantly upset her by commenting on how lucky she is to have you and them provide so much for her? Might they have added to her insecurity in some way?

grey_lady

So she wants to be with you and not live in that particular house but you do want to live there - well you can't force her to live there if she doesnt want to -likewise she can't force you to sell if you dont want to - so one or both of you is going to have to compromise.

I'd suggest renting a house that your both happy with - but you've already said that neither of you want that which makes me think that it doesnt look good long term for your relationship.

Errata

If you stay at her mum's for the first month and at the end of it expect her and your child to move in with you ior you, her and the baby move into a rented place - you're dreaming. She won't leave her mum's because she'll tell you she can't cope with the baby on her own, your place is too far from her mum's, and you're being cruel and unkind to her to suggest that she moves.

laurenjs88

as a 22yr old also i'd say get out whilst you can! sounds to me like she is going to screw you over for everything she can, if you buy a new house together and you spilt up she'll keep the house,baby you'll be left paying the mortgage and god know how much in CS. I think she figures she'll have less of a claim on "your house" whether she's on the deeds or not.

I don't know any 22 year old thats been to uni that would have experienced that freedom and then choosen to live back with their parents when there is a much better offer on the table.

You sound a really nice guy Pipsta, I sincerly hope she is not going to screw you over but however much you 'love' eachother I wouldnt rule it out completly

Hotspur

pipsta,

Have read all this thread and I think you may have to get tough I'm afraid. She can't be a me, me, me person all the time without there being fallout somewhere down the road. Better she sees what she could lose, i.e. you and the three of you family life, now rather than after the baby is born.

If you can both agree to some mediation that would be a way forward IMHO however if not, and after everything you have offered, some time apart may (and only may) get her to review her stance.

I started married life living with my in-laws and we couldn't wait to get out for some space and privacy to be honest (and they were fab in-laws too). Unfortunately there's another person in this relationship and that doesn't bode well for the future.

Good luck buddy and here's hoping you have a long and happy future together.