Nice new house, missus wants to live with parents, baby on way. Advice

smiler92

The OP is a relatively young man who has his head screwed on and has worked bloody hard to renovate a house that he has bought. He is offering a stable enviroment for his girlfriend and their child.

His young lady does not sound like she is ready to have a baby never mind actually having the responsibility of looking after her own house.

Those who are suggesting that is a big culture shock for her. Well it is but tough luck - she is in that position so she has get on with it!

It sounds as though the OP's girlfriend has been 'mothered' far too much. And yes she is still relatively young. BUT, she is no longer the baby, she is about to become a mother herself.

OP I wish you the best of luck. Please do not sell your own house. If it isnt this place that isnt right, it will be another one. I have a feeling you will be chasing your tail for many years to come. 20 minutes away from her family is nothing when she can drive and owns a car. There is nothing to stop her mother visiting everyday if necessary (still would be too much for me).

I think you have to hold your ground. Your girlfriend KNEW which house you were buying so she cant be that shocked that 12 months later this is the house you were expecting to live in?

I would save yourself the expense of moving again (and a possible loss made on the house) and if she really doesnt want to live there - I could only presume that she doesnt want to live with you. Im sorry for how harsh that is - but please ensure that you also know your rights if ever the worse comes to the worse and you need to arrange contact etc with your bub.

pinkclouds

smiler92 wrote: »

The OP is a relatively young man who has his head screwed on and has worked bloody hard to renovate a house that he has bought. He is offering a stable enviroment for his girlfriend and their child.

His young lady does not sound like she is ready to have a baby never mind actually having the responsibility of looking after her own house.

I must be in a bad mood tonight. Can I point out that it is technically *not* a "stable" environment. She has no rights over the house. They are not married. She is not named on the deeds. She doesn't even have the security of a tenancy - merely the status of a lodger.

However, all that aside, anyone can turn a house into a home. Home is what you carry with you - even if you split up and/or get evicted. I am sure she could make a happy home there, given time, support and encouragement. Tbh, I didn't do half as much housework until I had my kids. The baby will change everything - with a little love and patience.

ailuro2

Have you thought about redecorating one of the bedrooms as a nursery?:D

It's your baby too...

kwaks

You do up a room as a nursery.

You DO NOT sleep at the In Laws.

The house is ready and waiting for her, you sleep there every night. Don't validate her decision to stay with her mum in any way (which includes staying over there).

I also assume you will be working when the baby is born, so tell her which nights you would like her to bring the baby over, and agree which nights you will "visit" her mothers.

There is something not right in this situation, I'm wondering if the surprise of her falling pregnant was more pleasant for you than her....

nw_mum

I just want to say myself and my partner were a similar age when we had our son 21 AND 29 and I know granparents like to play a part. I think she wants comfort from her mum and some women are like that with first baby.
I did the same stayed with parents till son came along and after labour hugs from partner I saw the light and didnt want him away alone at flat so left parents two days after labour.

*max*

I've just read this thread (phew!) and my opinion is that the OP's girlfriend is being a selfish, spoilt, snobby little madame.

She wouldn't want to be renting, according to OP....So, basically, she wants OP to buy a house SHE chooses, that SHE is happy with, under the cover of it being "our home". Why she thinks renting isn't good enough for her, when she isn't even contributing to the bill, is beyond me, but hey.

She'll say she doesn't want to rent as she doesn't think it's a stable enough environment for the child (even though plenty of people raise kids in rented places, but nevermind...). So, what's the opposite of renting? Owning. Well, the OP owns a house and has asked her to move in.

But wait... she doesn't want to live in it either, because apparently it wouldn't feel like "theirs". No consideration given to effort put into it, viability of selling..etc.

So she's basically pressuring OP to buy a house that SHE chooses (although not contributing towards). A money-grabbing spoilt princess who lives in a fantasy world is what I would say she is. She has to have what SHE wants NOW. What the OP wants...well, she doesn't give a tiny rat's !!!, does she? She's just hiding her own selfish demands under claims of "what's best for baby".

sashadesade

Just came back to this thread to see if it had been resolved. No wonder the OP decided to leave, it did get a bit wild - some pretty crazy accusations being thrown about!
It doesn't sound to me as though the gf is being a spolit brat or that she has any sinister motives, and it's not very fair to accuse her of all sorts when none of us know the first thing about her. I think it's simply a case that she's young, pregnant for the first time and not very worldly wise. I don't think she realises yet that it's not the house that makes the home - it will become what you make it.
Anyway, I hope this issue is resolved and doesn't become a bone of contention between OP and gf.

pipsta

Just popped back in here to see extra posts. Thank you guys for your extra comments. I hope it all works out believe me.
Next bit of news, her mum (estate agent), wants us to go and look at a couple of properties she has on her books.. hmmm

jackieglasgow

Watch yourself there pipsta.

FBaby

Tell her how considerate it is of her and how much you appreciate her providing support, but no thank you, you will looked at houses in your own time...