Nice new house, missus wants to live with parents, baby on way. Advice

pipsta

kegg wrote: »

I am female and a good bit older than both the op and his girlfriend and i think she is being daft.
They have a perfectly good house that they could try into a home for all 3 of them.
Why waste money on selling and buying a different one when they are going to have a new baby with all the costs that doing so involves.

It is time for the girlfriend to grow up and cut the mummy apron strings and start making a life for herself with her boyfriend and baby.
No way should he even think about moving in with the in laws and baby and neither should he agree to sell without her moving in setting up a proper home with him.
After the baby is born and things are a bit more settled she might be only to happy to stay there or they might both jointly decide the place isnt big enough/too far from family.

But as far as i can see she hasn't even tried yet and is just trowing a tantrum to get her way.

Exactly my thoughts except i am happy to sell up but just not yet, not a good time, at least get settled and save a little first.

thorsoak

On 11th October you wrote "We have never lived together, Im at home with parents as is she when she was home from uni but i stay over her parents every night with her and are there as much as I can be. "

SHE DOESN'T WANT TO LIVE WITH YOU!

She's happy for you to stay over at her mother's house - but she doesn't want to live with you. End of!

pipsta

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I dont see why YOU cant move into her mums for those few months though? I think you are the selfish one. I know it's not ideal for you personally, but for the family as a whole it is better than split living arrangements.

It's all about compromise and right now I dont see why the 22 y/o who's had massive life changes to contend with should be the one compromising. You should be prepared to compromise on this one IMO. As someone else said, it is only a house after all.

House vs your child/woman you profess to love - I know what I'd pick.

I have said on many occaisions i am moving in for the first month or so which i will be doing but its after that thats the problem.

pipsta

thorsoak wrote: »

On 11th October you wrote "We have never lived together, Im at home with parents as is she when she was home from uni but i stay over her parents every night with her and are there as much as I can be. "

SHE DOESN'T WANT TO LIVE WITH YOU!

She's happy for you to stay over at her mother's house - but she doesn't want to live with you. End of!

Lol easy for you to on a forum but she is desperate to get a house with me "together" hence the problem here. So sorry, she does want to live with me. She wants to get a new house "together" but wants to throw practicallity out of the window.

Errata

She's not throwing practicality out of the window, she hasn't got a clue. It seems she's never spent a night with you that wasn't under a roof that was either hers or her parents. Doesn't that tell you something?

Plans_all_plans

pipsta wrote: »

I have said on many occaisions i am moving in for the first month or so which i will be doing but its after that thats the problem.

No I mean compromise by living there for a bit longer or risk losing your child. It really is as stark a choice as that. You are the selfish one here in my opinion.

Amy83

Pipsta - I really do feel for you. Your house sounds lovely, but I think you've got to reach a time when you stop trying to pursuade her to move in, and get on with plan B. Actions speak louder than words, and if you're spending your time trying to convince her that you're right and she's wrong, you'll alienate her more and waste valuable time that could be better used.

Work out what your preferable plan B is (living with her mother, renting your house out and renting another one, selling yours and buying another) and redirect all the effort you're using to try to get her to move in to this.

Also, I understand what she means about it being 'your' house. My boyfriend bought a house shortly after we got together (4 years ago), and I went to view it with him. It's nice, but I'd have used different criteria if it was me moving in there! I'm waiting for him to sell up so we can get a place together, I just hope he'll not as in love with his house as you are with yours.

Sort your priorities out, and everything else will be much easier to get to grips with

Plans_all_plans

Errata wrote: »

She's not throwing practicality out of the window, she hasn't got a clue. It seems she's never spent a night with you that wasn't under a roof that was either hers or her parents. Doesn't that tell you something?

I dont see what point you are trying to make. Can you clarify? I had never lived together with my husband anywhere that wasn't his parents house until we were married - even though he wanted us to move out sooner. We had our now 4 yr old DD when I was 21 and he was 23. I refused to move out with him til we were married. I dont think our relationship suffered for it!

Amy83

(sorry, just seen that you've said you'll move into her mothers for a short while)

Why don't you put your house on the market now then? She could be willing to move to the cottage after the 1st month, IF she see's that you're actually doing something towards a new place. Otherwise, why should she believe that you will?

pipsta

Might be time to close this thread now i think because there are alot of wild statements being thrown about which are not constuctive.

Things learnt from all the great responses

Compromise

Dont let other half rule the roost (applies to me as well)

Kiddy comes first.

Thanks guys for all your helpful posts and not so helpful.

Im sure things will work out, we love each other very much and have conqered all issues prior to this one.

Dont think its at the Jeremy kyle stage just yet (keep an eye out though ;-))

Thanks again all.

Close please mods