Nice new house, missus wants to live with parents, baby on way. Advice

pipsta

I can be stubbon yes, as can we all. Im looking out for baby as one no 1 priority at the moment above all else. And in my eyes moving with a new born and living under parents roof is not the best option.

putting the cottage aside for the moment.

What do you think is best for baby?
1. Living in cottage together = Me happy, GF not - Nice stable home for baby.

2. Live half and half = me and GF 50% happy - not ideal senario for baby

3. Live with her parents = Me not happy, GF happy - To many chiefs trying to raise baby (in my eyes) not ideal for baby.

Do you think that is a fair summary?

LilacPixie

Happy mummy = happy baby. forcing unhappy mummy with all the associated risks of PND etc. Go what makes for happy mummy

thorsoak

I'm not pregnant - I've been around for a long, long time - and basically, I think it is a rather sad situation.

This poor baby is the result of your relationship with your g/f, which relationship has not really had a chance to mature into a stable partnership capable of bringing up a baby. How long, if ever, have you lived together?

Your g/f has only just finished her studies - I think she now has a legal degree - correct? So it would appear that she is capable of making a good career for herself. You make no mention of your career.

Your beautiful cottage is your creation - and yours alone. From your posts it is obvious just how much of you you have put into this. And I think that your g/f resents this - you've put so much time and effort into YOUR house.

You have to ask yourself this: what matters most to you? Your relationship - your baby - or your house?

clw1

pipsta wrote: »

I can be stubbon yes, as can we all. Im
1. Living in cottage together = Me happy, GF not - Nice stable home for baby.

2. Live half and half = me and GF 50% happy - not ideal senario for baby

3. Live with her parents = Me not happy, GF happy - To many chiefs trying to raise baby (in my eyes) not ideal for baby.

Do you think that is a fair summary?

Senario 1 = unhappy mum which will then = unhappy baby.

Why not rent together in a village closer to her mum ?? have you asked you GF if she will do this ??

pipsta

thorsoak wrote: »

I'm not pregnant - I've been around for a long, long time - and basically, I think it is a rather sad situation.

This poor baby is the result of your relationship with your g/f, which relationship has not really had a chance to mature into a stable partnership capable of bringing up a baby. How long, if ever, have you lived together?

Your g/f has only just finished her studies - I think she now has a legal degree - correct? So it would appear that she is capable of making a good career for herself. You make no mention of your career.

Your beautiful cottage is your creation - and yours alone. From your posts it is obvious just how much of you you have put into this. And I think that your g/f resents this - you've put so much time and effort into YOUR house.

You have to ask yourself this: what matters most to you? Your relationship - your baby - or your house?

Yes she is a law graduate, I work in IT.

Yes she resents the cottage "my creation" but i bought the house to get on the property ladder at the lowest point. Before i bought the house i was crazed by her and her mum to get a house so i did!

GF was over the moon that i got a house, its only as time has gone on and her being away I have cracked on with doing the house up myself she has become more and more resentful toward it. This started before we knew about the baby. I may of not asked her opinion at first but why would i considering i was only ripping all the old decor out for the first few months. I have not tried to make it into a bacholour pad or anything like that and have always wanted her to move in with me hence me asking her for her views on how to decorate. Its only been in the last couple of months i have put in the kitchen, floor, carpet etc. We chose carpet together, kitchen units together but i dont think her heart was really in any of the decisions. she has her heart set on a "fresh start together"


I am all for this believe me but am i being selfish wanting her to come live with me to be together and raise the baby in a nice stable evironment until we can make that fresh start together! I am starting to think i am the selfish one here for wanting her to move in but surely its the most practical choice at present.

emsywoo123

pipsta wrote: »

I can be stubbon yes, as can we all. Im looking out for baby as one no 1 priority at the moment above all else. And in my eyes moving with a new born and living under parents roof is not the best option.

putting the cottage aside for the moment.

What do you think is best for baby?
1. Living in cottage together = Me happy, GF not - Nice stable home for baby.

2. Live half and half = me and GF 50% happy - not ideal senario for baby

3. Live with her parents = Me not happy, GF happy - To many chiefs trying to raise baby (in my eyes) not ideal for baby.

Do you think that is a fair summary?

No.

as others have said, option 1 is NOT a "nice stable home for the baby"

pipsta

clw1 wrote: »

Senario 1 = unhappy mum which will then = unhappy baby.

Why not rent together in a village closer to her mum ?? have you asked you GF if she will do this ??

She will only be unhappy because she wants everything now....

emsywoo123

pipsta wrote: »

I am all for this believe me but am i being selfish wanting her to come live with me to be together and raise the baby in a nice stable evironment until we can make that fresh start together! I am starting to think i am the selfish one here for wanting her to move in but surely its the most practical choice at present.

I'm not sure what you are attempting to achieve in all honesty with this thread.

You are never going to get 100% people agree/disagree with you.

I am now getting the feeling, after lots of input and suggestions from lots of people, and possible compromise situations, that you just want us all to say "yes you are right"

This is not going to happen. Some think you are right, some think you are wrong.

pipsta

Men are from mars, women are from ......

I can see a very two sided argument developing here lol

Guys on my side

Women on GF

Glad im not the only one who is struggling here as you guys also seem to be as spit as us two

emsywoo123

pipsta wrote: »

Men are from mars, women are from ......

I can see a very two sided argument developing here lol

Guys on my side

Women on GF

Glad im not the only one who is struggling here as you guys also seem to be as spit as us two

I'm not spitting anywhere

Not sure it is a male/female divide thing........maybe a pregnant/non thing as lilac said