Nice new house, missus wants to live with parents, baby on way. Advice

emsywoo123

pipsta wrote: »

Got it in one!

Still doesnt help the situation though, wanting to sell now i think is unfair considering the amount of work i put in plus not the most practical thing to do at mo

Do you understand why she does not want to live there then?

For all of you thinking she is spoilt, selfish etc, I think she just wants a family home, and does not think this house can be it.

Choices:
A) sell the house, buy another together
rent the house out, rent another
C) live in the house
D) split the living as she suggests

C is a no go as she won't, D is quite impractical, A and B you do not want to do.

Quite the quandary. One of you gotta make big sacrifices!

Mojisola

pipsta wrote: »

Still doesnt help the situation though, wanting to sell now i think is unfair considering the amount of work i put in plus not the most practical thing to do at mo

Haven't I read that you have suggested she gets involved in the house and changes some of the decor and plans the baby's room, etc?

emsywoo123

jackieglasgow wrote: »

I also think the amoutn of work you put in isn't *that* important in the grand scheme of things, and using that as part of your arguement with her won't wash. The simple fact is that if you sell now and lose money then that would be foolish. If the house will break even, or even make a small profit, just get rid, in the grander scheme of things, this house is not going to be you home for life, is it worth getting bogged down now. I would get it decorated, get it on the market, and tell her to move in and stop being so bloody childish. I know it is important for you as it symbolises your first foray into the market, but your child being raised in a secure environment is worth more than that, surely? I am beginning to think that you are as stubborn as she is You don't want to do what she wants, and she doesn't want to do what you want, so find a common goal, and work towards that.

I'm sure the OP said that there would in fact still be a profit if he sold now

Errata

It seems to me that no matter where the GF lives, she'll still want to live at mum's every other week to 'keep her company'.

Britwife

If she feels that it's ok to say your money is yours together then why can't the house. She sounds very selfish and it shouldn't matter where you live as long as you're both together.

You're willing to do anything to make her happy and have agreed to sell the house but requested her and baby to move in with you until you do so. Staying with you every other week isn't really a compromise on her end.

If you're willing to lasso the moon for her, shouldn't she be willing to do the same for you? I know my husband would for me and I'd do it in a heartbeat for him.

I hope you guys can work things out for the baby but relationships envolve 2 parties, not one. The best thing to do at this point is probably just back off for a bit and just be there for the baby now. Maybe with the pressure off she will start to think differntly. I have a feeling once the baby is here, she will change and perhaps decide to move in with you.

someone above said one of you will have to make sacrifices. Things like this shouldn't be looked upon as sacrifices when you love someone, hence why both parties have to compromise.

emsywoo123

Britwife wrote: »

If she feels that it's ok to say your money is yours together then why can't the house. She sounds very selfish and it shouldn't matter where you live as long as you're both together.

You're willing to do anything to make her happy and have agreed to sell the house but requested her and baby to move in with you until you do so. Staying with you every other week isn't really a compromise on her end.

If you're willing to lasso the moon for her, shouldn't she be willing to do the same for you? I know my husband would for me and I'd do it in a heartbeat for him.

I hope you guys can work things out for the baby but relationships envolve 2 parties, not one. The best thing to do at this point is probably just back off for a bit and just be there for the baby now. Maybe with the pressure off she will start to think differntly. I have a feeling once the baby is here, she will change and perhaps decide to move in with you.

someone above said one of you will have to make sacrifices. Things like this shouldn't be looked upon as sacrifices when you love someone, hence why both parties have to compromise.

Um hello? Planet earth calling? He's not willing to lasso the moon is he-in fact increasingly I think he is valuing bricks and mortar over his GF and baby.

hermum

I haven't read every post and no doubt this has been covered, is the house big enough for a family or is it a bachelor pad?
If it's big enough for all the stuff that you acquire with a baby, then I would let her stay with her Mum & you remain in the cottage.
It sounds to me from what I've read that nothing is ever going to be good enough, if you sell up, you may never find the house that will meet her expectations, unless it's all done to her taste.
Sounds as though she's wanting to stay with Mummy.
You're offering a start as a couple that most women, or girls, dream of, if it weren't for the baby, I would suggest new girlfriend hunting rather than house hunting.
If you give in over this you'll be dancing to her tune throughout your life.
She's being selfish, as an estate agent I would have thought that Mummy would have been telling her that selling & buying can be really stressful & to be avoided during late pregnancy & to give this idyllic sounding cottage a try.

Mojisola

I think he's being realistic. The baby's due in January. It's really unlikely that this house could be sold and another bought in time.

His GF has got the time to put her stamp on the house - decorating, etc - to make it feel like hers as well. This house doesn't have to be their forever home.

Primrose

The two of you sound as if you're never going to reach the right solution.
Perhaps you'd be better off finding an attrative young female lodger who would enjoy sharing your house with you if girlfriend doesn't want to. That might concentrate a few minds and if she doesn't want to live there, she can hardly object to your trying to raise a few extra pounds to help with the expense of a new baby, especially if she's not going to be earning anything herself.

LilacPixie

Isn't it werid how the pregnant women posting here see the GF point.

I really would not be moving heavily pregnant into a house that was not my home. The OP bought it a year ago while he was *with* his GF but has since said it was always intended as a home for him. It seems that any opinion the gf was asked for was on the understanding that it was a house for the op. A bit like when someone says oh i really like these units for my kitchen and you say oh yeah lovely go for it but if it was your choice then you would have the opposite.

I have viewed houses with friends and the opinion i would give on them differs from my opinion on them if you were expecting me to live in it.

I bet the idea was the OP live in cottage/renovate it, GF finished uni comes home, lives with mum and gets job/career, op sells the cottage and 1st home bought together settle and have babies. The GF is now back home and pregnant so she wants to bring plan forward a little and buy first family home now and have op move in while they look. OP on the other hand wants the GF to move into his cottage and ideally not sell because its a bad time.

The GF appears to be saying look plans change with the baby so we need to be buying now, she has savings and earnings I think I remember. She wants the OP to live at her mums and be a family unit there after all it was always the plan that the GF would return and stay with mum not the OP in his cottage and I guess there was a very specific reason for this probably because she had never liked or wanted to live in the cottage but she supported her boyfriends desire to get his foot on the property ladder knowing the whole he sell we then buy together plan as it was.

So the plans have changed, the buying together needs to happen sooner rather than later as per the original plan so only timescale has moved. The OP seems to want to move the whole goal posts becuase its not the right time to sell which makes me wonder is there ever a right time?

I am guessing the value of cottage is less than the value of the type of home you would be aiming for so every % in value the cottage falls the larger home % will be worth more. You have said you will still make a profit so sell and get rid. if prices continue to drop and then stagnent on the bottom then what would you do?