Nice new house, missus wants to live with parents, baby on way. Advice

JC9297

GlasweJen wrote: »

I wouldn't sell the house and I wouldn't move in with her parents.

As someone who had, what I thought to be, a loving and trusting 5 year relationship with someone I would have went to the end of the earth for I can assure you that sometimes 2 people in a relationship wont always be reading from the same hymn sheet.

Her reluctance to move in with you despite being pregnant is a giant red light telling you that something isn't right in your relationship. I would sort out what this is before doing anything, and pregnancy can't be used as an excuse even "hormonal" women are able to make decisions.

I agree with you about pregnancy and being hormonal being used as an excuse for not knowing what you want. Plenty of pregnant women continue to work full-time, often in stressful jobs and make important decisions every day. While we may have our moments most of us do not become incapable of rational thought for 9 months.

notechno

Your house sounds wonderful, but does she feel respected? I personally wouldn't stand for being called the 'missus' or 'the other half' and if you're using that kind of terminology or attitude in your relationship then maybe she simply feels like some kind of chattel and would rather stay home with Mum

meritaten

I think your girlfriend lives on a different planet to the rest of us! this is NOT a good time to sell a renovated house or a car!
Like other posters my alarm bells are ringing loud and clear! she may be a wonderful person but she does not have a clue about the financial realities of life! she sounds rather like a spoiled princess to me. mummy and daddy probably gave her everything she desired and she thinks you are going to do the same! to move in with the inlaws when you have a nice home all ready for her is insane!
I wouldnt sell the house, but perhaps rent it out, and use that rent to rent your own place if she is THAT fixated on something that is both your choice (or should that be HER choice). this girl doesnt sound as if she knows the meaning of compromise btw - its her way or the highway!
be very careful hun, do you want to spend the rest of your life saying 'Yes Dear'?

Steel_2

Mother in law sells the house. Nets a nice fat fee.
Mother in law sells you two a house on her books. Nets a nice fat fee.
If not, she gets to have her daughter and grandchild in the house permanently.
if you want to see them, you'd have to ask for permission.

You'd have no power in this relationship.

What sort of influence does her mother have on her and how does she interact with you?

I cannot for the life of me understand why her family are not encouraging her to move in with you into a beautiful home so you can start to forge you own family unit together.

LondonDiva

notechno wrote: »

Your house sounds wonderful, but does she feel respected? I personally wouldn't stand for being called the 'missus' or 'the other half' and if you're using that kind of terminology or attitude in your relationship then maybe she simply feels like some kind of chattel and would rather stay home with Mum

You're kidding right?

thorsoak

Playing Devil's advocate here .....

It seems to me that (1) she hates your house;
(2) she never was your "Missus"
(3) maybe you have thought far more of the relationship than she ever has!

getmore4less

Jen151 wrote: »

this jumps out to me too OP, this is how you describe the situation in your very first post

I've spent the last year doing up a 200 year old cottage for myself. Started from scratch and have had to do everything myself as on a tight budget.

pipsta wrote: »

Like ive said before, ive tried everything to get her involved but she is not interested. All of the work has had to be done by myself as she has been away at university most of the time.

You bought the place without consultation, so when she showed no interest(lets face it uni is not full time and a lot of weekends) how much time did you spend together over that year?

LilacPixie

Is it pregnancy hormones or something but I can actually see where the GF is coming from. I don't see it as selfish at all.

If my husband came home tomorrow and told me he had bought a house himself, i hadn't saw because i was away and he had to act quick and I would be moving into it before baby arrives then I would be saying not a chance in hell. I have a home, this is it. If OH wants that to change we pick somewhere together the two of us and even then I would not be upping sticks after 28 ish weeks. Certainly not to a place i felt no connection to or even a like for.

Depending when in January she is due she is between 26 and 30 weeks gone by my rough count, Presuming closer the 30 mark if you have known since April.

I do think that if you considered your relationship to be serious last year then you should of bought a home together then.

All I am getting from your posts is I bought a house because I had to get on the property ladder, I spent evenings and weekends doing it up. If it was me there is no way i would be moving in, no way no how.

getmore4less

Have you reflected that this might not have been an unplanned pregnacy?

notechno

LondonDiva wrote: »

You're kidding right?

No, not at all. 3 phrases pulled straight from OP's first post

missus wants to live with parents

the girlfriend has fallen pregnant

but the other half doesn't want to live there

I don't see one word of respect for his 'partner' (my word, not his) in the whole post. Nor one word of how much he loves her and can't be without her