Menopause Matters

spirit

choille wrote: »

Spirit - what a lovely name.

I like the website coping.org sometimes, depending on my mood. It does have stuff about higher power which many folks don't like, but some of the articles are quite good, sensible.

You've really done a great many things & have acheived an enormous amount of stuff. I think you need to pat yourself on the back.

The anxiety can be helped by CBT - cognitive behavioural therapy. I got the book the idiots guide to CBT & sometimes reread bits when i get tense. I would go to yoga but am a bit aching at the moment. Some people find hebal remedies that work for them.
Lavendar oil is good to sniff - shouldn't be put directly on the skin, but a couple of drops on the pillow won't harm you. No caffeine after 8pm helps me get off to sleep, or rather if I drink coffee after that time it doesn't help me sleep.
I think that there is a switch off activity that we all need to find - whether it be a good film, reading, cross-words, writing - whatever. If you can allow yourself an allocated worry time & then try & set that aside for the ruminating earlier on in the evening for 15 - 20mins say. It is so hard to do & I wish I could achieve that when the anxiety hits me, but just now it has lifted - as yours will too.
Whatever - you don't have to make any major decisions just now do you?
All the very best - sorry to ramble.

this is a lovely and really useful post choille, thank you :A

I will look around for a CBT book.

Jacks = you were up early this morning, hope you have a lovely day :beer:

It's really mild here today (West Berkshire). I have the heating set to come on at 6 for an hour but have had to turn it off this morning. I've got the front window open at the moment to get some nice fresh air in. Big bruv cat is sitting by the open window. He's still too nervous to go outside. I had a cat flap specially built in the front when the builders were bricking up the front where it had full length glass. If he goes out the front door he's quite happy to come back in the cat flap :mad:

Glad it's Friday eh gals. Stupid dressing up at work today for halloween. I'll be going as me then (a witch :rotfl:)

joyfull

Greeting Girls and lurking Gents,

My halloween broomstick is polished & ready for action.:D

Valli Towers - love it!:T

Choille - Please ramble all you want.:D It's what we do, and we do it so well. I've also heard CBT is great when you can't find the mind's Off Switch. I LOVE lavender oil, could deeply inhale it all day long.

Spirit - You've had a lot going on, not surprised you feel anxious. Take some quiet moments, on your own, & just let go & relax. Hope you slept last night.

Dogcat - nasty health probs you've go. You also have a SOH, lovely.:A

I love this thread. I see more and more that when we have some suffering in our lives, our hearts open and we can't help but empathise with others.

Hope you all have a good day. Take the best care of your selves. X

Jacks - don't forget the bikini, have a great day.

shykins

spirit to be honest its not surprising u are anxious. u are considering a BIG move job and homewise it would make anyone anxious without the menopause let alone with. do u have a few friends u could discuss this with? in the end u must do what is best for u . good luck with the decisions

i think we get to this point in our lives and a lot of us start thinking is this what i really want to be doing for the rest of my life, it seems to be a pivotal point - or am i just rambling here?

also had a bad night, woke up i dont know how many times with flushes and had the most awful nightmare, does anyone else get these? i seem to be getting more and more of them lately

wicknwax

I love menopausematters forum, it has been a great help to me as I am having an early menopause, since I was 34

Bronnie

Morning hotties!!

Welcome to wicknwax and spirit :wave:

Sitting in the "sun" writing this (well, in front of my SAD lamp :rotfl:).

Quite pleased with myself as managing to stay fairly enthusiastic about my new exercise routine atm. The ladies gym I'm going to is just a few mins from home and am managing to slot it in quite well atm. I'm on my feet and busy at work all the time and was kidding myself this was enough, my general fitness had slumped alarmingly and I tend to jump in the car to go everywhere

Last year on hols I went on a trip to Vesuvius, we climbed the last bit to the crater and I was shocked at how unfit I was. Anyway am really hoping I can keep this up. The heartening part is that fitness improvements show really quickly. I'm not so fond of running,but I stick the treadmill on a steep incline and march up the hill for 45 mins , while reading a magazine!

Hope you all have a good day!

xx

spirit

shykins wrote: »

spirit to be honest its not surprising u are anxious. u are considering a BIG move job and homewise it would make anyone anxious without the menopause let alone with. do u have a few friends u could discuss this with? in the end u must do what is best for u . good luck with the decisions

i think we get to this point in our lives and a lot of us start thinking is this what i really want to be doing for the rest of my life, it seems to be a pivotal point - or am i just rambling here?

also had a bad night, woke up i dont know how many times with flushes and had the most awful nightmare, does anyone else get these? i seem to be getting more and more of them lately

I don't know anyone really in this new area, only work colleagues who are not really friends. Have friends back where i used to live and family. So i just tend to mull these things over myself. It was the same with the decision to move here. financially it was undoubtedly the right thing to do.

I've loved doing up the house too as I like to be kept busy.

I'm just feeling a bit lost with nothing to do at the mo. I actually hate the winter and dark nights

poet123

I think everyone gets a bit down in winter, I know I do, getting upin the dark and coming home in the dark saps the soul. It must be such a boost to live somewhere where the sum shines almost every day. Still not received my supplements, I ordered on Tuesday and was expecting next day delivery but still nothing as yet. The main thing the meno has done for me is release my inner witch!! I rarely used to get the red mist, now it descends every day at some point.....and I have to battle to be nice.

Bad night last night, still awake at 3am, then went off to sleep as it was coming light, good job it is half term.

Bronnie

spirit wrote: »

I don't know anyone really in this new area, only work colleagues who are not really friends. Have friends back where i used to live and family. So i just tend to mull these things over myself. It was the same with the decision to move here. financially it was undoubtedly the right thing to do.

I've loved doing up the house too as I like to be kept busy.

I'm just feeling a bit lost with nothing to do at the mo. I actually hate the winter and dark nights

I can empathise with many aspects of your situation...we have many similarities.

As a general observation, I find "being busy" is a great distraction technique....... in both negative and positive ways. Positive in that if you are prone to anxiety and worry it takes your mind off things; negative in that it can push aside things that really should be dealt with.

It's very early days for you in your new house though and I think decisions about moving away should be stalled for a bit, also take the time to enjoy the house. As for the job, too old to retrain, personally I'd disagree, especially with our working lives likely to be extended. At certain times in our lives though, there's a lot to be said for a job that's not too demanding. Maybe for the winter,try to put your restlessness in a box labelled "pending" and try to focus on the present.

Now your renovations are out of the way, can you plan some activities to look forward to through the winter? A regular evening class or exercise class you enjoy. Visit to another town window-shopping and lunch once a month? Do you read? Promise yourself to take in a new book or movie once a month? What tourist attractions are there in your new area? Plan a "free" outing/walk once a fortnight. A massage or pedicure treat if you can budget for it? A bargain winter sun break or a couple of days city break with a cheapie ryanair flight?

On a practical basis, I'm attacking my hatred of winter grey and gloom head-on this year! Daylight light bulbs and the afore-mentioned ebay bargain SAD lamp. Trying to keep focussed on a healthy diet and avoiding the stodgy carbs and too much casual wine-glugging! I'm going for overnight spa break with my DD next month for my birthday (good rates at this time of year before Xmas!) and am fortunately able to grab a cheap week in the sun to be arranged, depending on work.

I manage to supplement the cost of most of my hols by an ongoing sale of my accumulation of "stuff" on ebay, just the small unwanted bits and bobs that accumulate over the years that I would previously chucked, but it's amazing what people will buy and I just keep drip-feeding it onto ebay 10 items a week or so. Got £170 in my Paypal account atm to put towards this trip.


I do a lot of stuff on my own tbh and it suits me just fine. I've got a bit selfish in my fifties, after a lifetime of keeping other people happy as we tend to do as daughters, wives and mums. I've been through the major family responsibilities bit mostly now and am fairly free to please myself at last!!

poet123

Bronnie wrote: »

I've got a bit selfish in my fifties, after a lifetime of keeping other people happy we tend as daughters, wives and mums to do. I've been through the major family responsibilities bit mostly now and am fairly free to please myself at last!!

You see, that is my problem, I ( and I have never really admitted this before) feel resentful that I am not in that situation. All my family are still at home and though I love them dearly I feel that I am still running after them as I did when they were children. Only one of them is still under 16, but I feel I play the same role to all of them. DH is stuck in the middle!!! They see me as "Mum" not as a person, who on her days off does not actually want to be cleaning all day. I feel that I am in rant mode more often than not, and I hate myself for that, but sometimes I feel like running away and setting up house with a group of friends and being the "Golden Girls":rotfl:

Oh well, moan over, back to the cleaning!!

Bronnie

poet123 wrote: »

You see, that is my problem, I ( and I have never really admitted this before) feel resentful that I am not in that situation. All my family are still at home and though I love them dearly I feel that I am still running after them as I did when they were children. Only one of them is still under 16, but I feel I play the same role to all of them. DH is stuck in the middle!!! They see me as "Mum" not as a person, who on her days off does not actually want to be cleaning all day. I feel that I am in rant mode more often than not, and I hate myself for that, but sometimes I feel like running away and setting up house with a group of friends and being the "Golden Girls":rotfl:

Oh well, moan over, back to the cleaning!!

Aww!
What can I say m'dear? Your time will come!!

It is an amazing and liberating feeling though skipping off on holiday on your own after all these years! I take a perverse pleasure in travelling light, with my minimally-packed little wheelie cabin suitcase and handbag. If I'm travelling cheapo-airlines, I pack myself a delicious little picnic to have on the plane, something like an M&S sushi, some mango chunks, a little bar of luxe chocolate etc and treat myself to a G&T! I often take public transport when I get there to cut costs, which feels more authentic and adventurous. It makes me smile to myself just thinking about it!