my gf is totally unrealistic! what do i do?

Jenniefour

I'm a woman and wouldn't dream of treating a man like your girlfriend has been treating you - this is disrespectful and exploitative behaviour, although this may not be her conscious intention. Sounds like she has some serious growing up to do - like behaving like a responsible adult financially. And something for you to consider - why have you allowed this to start in the first place -this is not just generosity on your part, it is about your willingness to be treated like a doormat. Get some self respect, and quit bending over backwards to please your girlfriend at your expense. If she doesn't love you as you are, without all this, then it's time to move on and find someone who loves you and wants an equal, respectful and responsible partnership.

The time to resolve this problem is now - and either the relationship will end - or you go forwards together in a very different way. Please do not hang onto this relationship if you and your girlfriend are unable/unwilling to make radical changes.

Hope your talks are constructive and I wish you well.:)

Running_Horse

Playing devil's advocate...

So far we have one side of the story, and some men like to use money to control women, and then maybe complain about them behind their back to total strangers instead of talking to her. Sounds like the real problem here is a lack of communication...on both sides.

Would love to hear what she has to say about her two faced boyfriend.

redlady_1

if she lies to her parents then guess who will be next she lies to when things get out of hand

olibrofiz

Oh dear, been in a similar situation, living with a sponge.

Just a thought, but, if she doesn't contribute half now, voluntarily, how on earth is she going to be 'made' to contribute even if you do have a joint account? And if you buy the house together, and she gets pregnant, you'll need to find almost double your salary to get by.

I;m afraid by bailing her out you've encouraged her to be how she is with money. There'll be a lot of tears and tantrums.

C_Mababejive

Ermmm...I'm afraid I'd have to let her go...

B.E.N

giddypenguin wrote: »

Oh, and just a thought, if you two did agree to be more even, I find the best way is to set up a joint account and both pay a percentage of your salary into it... any left over after bills etc can be your 'emergency' fund. Ie, boiler broke etc.

Sorry mate - bad idea! The OP has implied heavily that his girlfriend isn't too good with money - it's probably not a good idea to have a joint account as it will 'link' his credit file with hers which will/may adversely affect it

charlea

your girlfriend is having a very nice ride i would tell her the journey ends right now and tell her to get off the bus
your obviously not happy and you paying 850 to her 130 is a total joke dont bother with joint account yet ... and i wouldnt personally buy a house with her not with her present sense of money and attitude
but first thing are first so stop bailing her out stop subsisdising her if all she can afford to pay is 130 then let her move back home with mum and dad cos 130 aint gonna go far in the real world
she is not a kid she's an adult who works earns her own money and should pay her own way in life

hbklea wrote: »

thanks again for all the replys, my work mates have very similar opinions. actually worked out last night what our payouts were on the flat last month, mine worked out at 850 including the 3 monthly gas and elec bill, compared to her 130. this seriously cant go on. even when she was living at home she paid more than this. think i've got alot to think about this wkend! thanks again everyone!

hbklea

again thanks for the advice, the talk ended up in an arguement, like it normally does. apparently me wanting to settle for a house in that area shows her that i have no ambition and goals. no, i said it was a 5 year plan? pay off some money instead of renting, hopefully make a bit of a profit when we come to sell the house. then maybe gete somewhere bigger in the area she wants. money has always been an issue in our relationship, she comes from a family where her dad in the bread winner and pays everythin, while her mums wages are her own. however his job is a very well paid one. but her mum and dad do tend to side with me, well thats after they hear my side of the story. they understandably believetheir daughter when she gives her side of the story first. i would love a house where we live now, but its simple, we cant afford it. the flat i own is 4 wks away from completion so i just need to decide what to do nxt. friends and family say buy the house i want by myself, and let my gf move back with her parents. which i dont think is a bad idea. eps if we do by the house together it'll be my deposit, and all the costs etc will be down to me.

grey_lady

If your happy for you to buy a place on your own and your girlfriend to move back in with her parents then so be it, but be aware that there's a good chance your kissing your relationship goodbye but it sounds like money is more important to you than a future with your girlfriend.

BitterAndTwisted

DO NOT BUY THE HOUSE TOGETHER! With her debts and lack of financial responsibility I'd be very surprised indeed if any lender would agree to her taking out a joint mortgage any way. Having your finances linked with such a person could have really terribly consequences for you.

If you want to move and this house fits in with your long-term plans, just buy it in your own name and should you agree that she moves with you, only accept from her payments which equate to a joint-share of the bills and food and you can prove it later should you need to.