my gf is totally unrealistic! what do i do?

edinburgher

To fling in my two cents, I think the OP is right to send the GF back home (undecided on buying a house in the current climate, but that's not what I'm here to discuss )

I dated my ex for 5 years. She was lovely, a real character, but had confidence and money issues that would have felled a psychologist and an investment bank, respectively!

To cut a long story short, lack of confidence lead to overspending, lying about money and a complete inability to budget or cut back in any meaningful way. She was a bit older than me and while she was working full-time and I was a student when she met, she ended up spending about £3-4k of my student loans (in addition to £10k? of her parents' cash - which they could ill afford) In context, I gave this money willingly enough at the time, but struggled to find work after graduating and ended up being a regular fixture on the Debt Free Wannabe forums

Now I'm not saying it was her fault (most students were crap with money), but I would have been debt free years earlier if I wasn't with her. I see that now and ended the relationship when I tried to get a better paid job but she refused to consider moving, she was so tied to a crappy shop job :mad:

Still, now I've moved on, things have worked out for the best. I have a beautiful, confident fiancee, we're getting married next year and buying a house the year after. Everything is split down the middle and it's night to live with an adult!

Best of luck...

Jowo_2

The OP has to consider other aspects that relate to their partner's chaotic finances and sense of entitlement.

My pal had an unequal relationship with a spoiled ex, paying considerably more towards the mortgage, household costs, picking up the tab for holidays, paying off her debts, paying for beauty treatments and medical/dental costs.

When they split up, they were emotionally blackmailed into paying them an equal share from the property equity despite hardly contributing anything, their ex took the car they paid little towards and the holiday refund when cancelled that my mate actually paid for, emptied their savings account and took all the best furniture and belongings. They also refused to contribute towards legal fees and expenses associated with the split. Now I know it also takes a sap as well as an exploiter to make this type of situation happen but a dominant manipulative personality with a grand sense of entitlement is very hard to overcome for some personality types.

Now apparently their ex is married to someone fairly affluent who put down the bulk of their equity to buy their property, put them on their car insurance....you get the picture.

sp1987

If in the last few pages you haven't managed to wake up...move somewhere on your own and have a dog. They will make you pay for everything but you won't have any whingey, whiney crap from them in return. Plus, they'll even sit on the floor so you get the whole sofa.