my gf is totally unrealistic! what do i do?

dollydiva

She wants out of the relationship...grant her wish...if you don't,you'll both end up miserable and resenting each other and it'll then turn nasty. Best to agree that you both want different things, instead of trying to make something unworkable work when quite clearly it won't


Dd

eco

I lived with my ex for 4 years, I paid the most and when we split he thought he should get half share, now I don't expect things to be 50/50 but 60/40 most times, but he didn't get 50 he said as we agreed at the begining I'd pay more he thought it was ok to still get half. You have to stand up for youself now before it's too late. i was only thinking the other day how strange it was that now I'm single and pay for everything how much money I have and I know I've learnt a few ideas from this site but still, I was always skint when he lived here and I thought he was good with money and I was rubbish. I wouldn't object if a future BF said we were splitting everything cos I'd know it was fair.

Ulfar

I am trying to work out how it is fair that you move into her parents and pay all the costs.

It makes me shudder to think about it, not just because of the money. There are other downsides like lack of privacy, space, parents siding with their daughter etc. I couldn't move home to live with my own parents having been independent for over 20 years never mind someone else. In addition to this you would be a lodger and should things go pear shaped with the relationship they can just ask you to leave.

I really think you need to work out what gives yourself the greatest security, don't discount renting for a bit longer the housing market isn't going to get better for a while. Even if you just take on a six month tenancy somewhere cheap and spend the time looking for another house that you can really afford.

lee1985

grey_lady wrote: »

If your happy for you to buy a place on your own and your girlfriend to move back in with her parents then so be it, but be aware that there's a good chance your kissing your relationship goodbye but it sounds like money is more important to you than a future with your girlfriend.

I found myself having to reply to this post.

You imply that he is choosing 'money over love' which to many will be frowned upon. But not in this (his) situation.

One would not be expected to love a 'goldigga' he might have been kissing his relationship goodbye but it would most likely be a right decision. There are fine lines between money and love; then loving someone who wants to spend all your money and not theirs.

He is not a bad lad at all, he knows what he wants and I give him full credit for trying to sort it out professionally and properly.

So yes the bottom line: Love may be more important than money, but it's a different story when your 'lover' is taking the mick !!!!!

I also agree with another post on here that states his girlfriend is getting annoying and I don't even know her. She most likely thinks that money grows on trees, and the world is a bunch of roses, and she can have everything she wants. She most likely chats to 'the girls' about getting everything she wants and how she only pays £130/£200 for a house and the rest probably goes on typical girly stuff.

I want to actually give her a slap myself for being such an idiot!

Oh, and here's a big bit of advice. Don't give her, or her parents any money again. Not for rent, not even to 'save up'. Don't trust them with your money, regard it all as your own now.
I hope you find someone else down the line who actually makes you feel happier and I'm sure who you could settle down with in your hopefully new house!

neverdespairgirl

hbklea wrote: »

we've spoken about moving to her parents, and saving for a year, but her idea is that they want £200 of each of us, but i pay 400 for the both of us and she pays nothing? apparently i'm still saving money that way, which i am in a sense, but then she's living completely for free and she'll soon get used to it.

Sounds a terrible idea, to me!

frugalfreddie

I would definitely get rid of her, that's total lack of respect and commitment! My girlfriend and I split all costs 50/50 and she specifically wants it that way. She would hate the thought of me footing all the bills and not helping out because she'd feel like a leech. You definitely need to talk to her, anyway, you can't possibly live a happy life with such massive problems in the way!

Fred.

zarazara

I'm sorry for your situation and I feel the only way forward for you is to split from your girlfriend. What I really do not understand in all this is why you are having to [illegally] rent out the flat you own then sell at a loss just because of her dog. Her dog is a dog, an animal,a pet, believe me, if she really thought a lot of you the dog would have gone and you would bothbe living in your flat , sharing bills 50/50 and looking forward to buying a house someday when finances allow. I know thats a blunt ,but believe me, you are being taken advantage of in a big way here. I think you just need to grasp the nettle, tell her its over , and go forward from there. Tomorrow is another day. It will be painful,but that which doesnt kill us makes us stronger ,as they say. Please ,for your own peace of mind and wellbeing in the future get out now,and put it all down to experience.

RAS

hbklea wrote: »

we've spoken about moving to her parents, and saving for a year, but her idea is that they want £200 of each of us, but i pay 400 for the both of us and she pays nothing? apparently i'm still saving money that way, which i am in a sense, but then she's living completely for free and she'll soon get used to it.

Please do not even think of doing this.

Please ask your GF to come over to the DFW forum and post up her Statement of Affairs. There are a few folk there who can sort her out:D.

And both of you, get a little note book and list ever last fathing you spend on anything.

Then you will see where her money goes.

Horizon81

I can't believe this thread is still going on. Back in the day I suppose housewives were 'kept' (financially) by their husbands but that was because they didn't work and stayed at home raising children and doing the housework, whilst the husband was the sole breadwinner. And from speaking to people from that generation, it was an arrangement that happily suited both parties, as well as their children.
Fast forward about 60 years and what have we got... well in your case, a woman who also wants to be 'kept' but in return for that what are you getting? A loving wife? Beautiful happy children? No! From what you've said it seems like you've got a primadonna who's fixated with sunbeds, the gym, buying things on credit and generally wasting your money and making you feel guilty about it. Now what guy wouldn't want to be with a girl like that.
She's ruining your life. Do you really love her that much? Do you deserve this drain on your life? I think most people reading this know the true answer. Luckily you seem level headed enough to figure this out, so put yourself first for once and see how she likes it. Stop being do generous. Stop being her doormat. You'll see then how much she wants to be with you.

Caroline_a

The OP has had a lot of Agony Aunt type of advice, and I have to say I agree with 99% of them. However, as we all know, head versus heart is always very difficult! we can all stand on the outside giving sage advice but to be in the situation is always a different matter.

One thing I would say to the OP, though. You may think that you are giving her all she wants by paying for everything, letting her spend all her money on herself, to do as she wishes... but (from a female point of view) she will not respect you at all in the longterm for this, and, just like children who are given no boundaries, she will push and push until you can give no more. Then she'll dump you for a bigger bank balance, whilst you try to patch up what is left of your life and credit rating. There's a lot of wisdom in the old saying 'treat 'em mean, keen 'em keen', and you are being just too nice!!