my gf is totally unrealistic! what do i do?

wilykit

zarazara wrote: »

Her dog is a dog, an animal,a pet, believe me, if she really thought a lot of you the dog would have gone and you would bothbe living in your flat

That seems a little unfair - a dog can be just as much a part of the family as anybody else, I know mine are, and I would never just 'get rid' of them.

I think it's easy to comment when you are on the outside looking in, but when it is you who is in a dilemma it is so difficult, and even if what people are saying is true, it doesn't always make it easier.

When I first moved in with my boyf he knew I couldn't afford it and he paid most of the bills and I contributed wherever. But that was temporary - I grew up and realised it was unfair and that there are more important things to spend money on rather than mobile phones and clothes. Sounds like your gf should do the same.

At the end of the day the financial situation needs to be sorted as it only causes resentment and arguments. The way me and my boyfriend resolved this was to put all our money together, take out both our outgoings and split whatever we had ;eft down the middle, regardless of the fact he earnt a little bit more than me.

Hope you sort it soon xx

neil324

Caroline_a wrote: »

The OP has had a lot of Agony Aunt type of advice, and I have to say I agree with 99% of them. However, as we all know, head versus heart is always very difficult! we can all stand on the outside giving sage advice but to be in the situation is always a different matter.

One thing I would say to the OP, though. You may think that you are giving her all she wants by paying for everything, letting her spend all her money on herself, to do as she wishes... but (from a female point of view) she will not respect you at all in the longterm for this, and, just like children who are given no boundaries, she will push and push until you can give no more. Then she'll dump you for a bigger bank balance, whilst you try to patch up what is left of your life and credit rating. There's a lot of wisdom in the old saying 'treat 'em mean, keen 'em keen', and you are being just too nice!!

I was thinking more head vs !!!!!!

markjames81

hbklea wrote: »

i've been with my gf for 5 years, we are currently renting a 1 bed flat in a nice area for 450pm, however its really old fashioned, ie carpets, kitchen, bathroom etc. i own a flat (which we cant live in as she has a dog) so i have been it out renting out illegally (in the lease u cant sub let), but i've got a buyer so i'm selling it at a 5k loss. we've seen a house which we loved yest, she was all excited, ready to offer the asking price! however then she went to her mum and dads, came back and said she doesn't want it and wants to carry on renting until we find a property within 4 roads of where we are now, which is just so unrealistic as houses sell for around 180k. we'll never be able to afford it, this house we like is a 3 bed, new kichen, carpets etc, and only 110k. however she says even though its only a 7 minute walk to where we are now, she doesn't like the area saying its on an estate, which its not. its a cul de sac, parking is a communal car park. and its a nice area, my friend has lived in the nxt rd for 4 years.
what do i do? she's happy renting? i pay the full rent and buy all the food, so she only pays 200pm compared to my 650, and i dont earn 3x what she does, i just dont have a loan at 30% interest, an expensive phone and gym contract, and dont waste my money. plus she's in her overdraft by 700 but i refuse to bail her out as i basically gave her a car at 25% of its value. she wont learn anything if i keep bailing her out do. its my 20k deposit which i'll be putting down, i just dont know what to do?
she wants what she cant afford? i'd love a house where we are now, but we could never afford it.
i dont want to be paying dead money for the nxt 5,7,10 yrs whatever. she even wants me to update the kitchen in our rented flat? i told her she must be joking!
need some advice? what do i do? :(:(:(:(:(:( at least its fri lol:j

Dump the girl and get the house!:beer:

bristol_pilot

Jeez...is this thread still going on? Hasn't she been dumped yet? I hope she goes like a train, 'cos there's just got to be a silver lining to this relationship somewhere. Regrettably a lot of young women today do expect to be 'kept' by a man whilst spending all their own income (and most of his) on themselves. They know exactly what they are doing, I promise you. They just assume the guy keeps his brains in his pants (as many do). All this means is that a lot of young women today are not marriage material. You need someone who will stick by you through thick and thin, not bleed you dry then move on to the next mug taking your house with her. Move along and find someone better.

hbklea

wow, cant believe this is still going on, thanks for all the replies everyone.
just an update, my flat is getting closer to a completion date, it would have been easy to move in and get rid of her dog, but he is like a part of the family, and there were other reasons for selling, ie no garden, no extra rooms etc, service charges been put up yet again, short lease so defo doing the right thing there.
with my gf situation, actually went out sun with her dad for a bike ride, and he told he's fed up paying for everything, and how when he asks for a bit of help he gets sulks, tantrums or a row. his wife also then wants receipts etc, proof. i couldn't believe it. then i explained my situation, and he fully understands. he said if his daughter moves back home she'll be paing at least 200pm. sounds like we both have to put our foot down, or grow a pair as someone else put it .
so when my flat sells i'll be putting in an offer for the house. thanks for all the advice everyone :T

Leory

you and her dad should cut losses and move in together!

RAS

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Leory wrote: »

you and her dad should cut losses and move in together!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

It seems that you can now see where your GF gets her ideas of reality from?

If you and FOL get together you may be able to get these two sorted out before the recession really hits.

Underscore

Make sure any offer for the house is aggressive, this is a buyers market big-time and some twitchy people around who don't want to see asking prices being dropped 5k, 10k+ week on week. Find someone who really wants (or preferably needs) to sell.

Catbells

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

In view of this "I pay the full rent and buy all the food, so she only pays 200pm compared to my 650, and i dont earn 3x what she does. I just dont have a loan at 30% interest, an expensive phone and gym contract, and dont waste my money. Plus she's in her overdraft by 700 but I refuse to bail her out as I basically gave her a car at 25% of its value" I most certainly WOULD NOT contemplate getting financially-linked with someone who organises their affairs so very poorly and who, on the face of it, is taking complete advantage.

There's nothing like having unrealistic expectations when it's someone else who's paying the price-tag! Girlie needs a wake-up call and it should start with her paying a 50% share of your living expenses. I wouldn't be putting £20K down on any property unless it was to live on my own.

OF COURSE SHE"S HAPPY RENTING; IT"S ONLY COSTING HER £200 A MONTH! WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE WILLYA?

I've never seen a post thanked this many times. Bitter and twisted must have a very valid point here. Sadly for you.

Another thing jumped out at me. You say her mother keeps her own money. Like mother like daughter perhaps. Would your gf be as generous if the shoe was on the other foot? I reckon her Dad has a tough time with his wife as he seems to have an inkling that his daughter is being unfair with regards to your situation. Just think you could be just like him in 25 years time with a wife like his and another daughter like your gf.

cashbackproblems

Fact your still with her suggest you in fact like her the way she is and enjoy all the drama, i would have got rid a long time ago!! I was with my gf for a few yrs and last yr i bought an apartment on my own as she was in 2/3 minds as to where to buy/what to buy and wanted to live closer to her parents in an area i wasnt prepared to live in and she btw has a low paid job so was relying on me.

In the end i ditched her and bought the place myself which i liked, she came running back few weeks later and i told her if she wants a stake in the flat she has to pay more than me (as i paid a massive deposit) which she has agreed and not said a word since!