my gf is totally unrealistic! what do i do?

getmore4less

she simply says her total out goings are nearly what mine are. which is true but 200 of that is on a loan, gym and phone contract

Where is the rest going you said £900/£1100 and she is only inputting £180ish to the household

So with this £200pm identified you are about even at starting point


What do the SOA look like?
looks like you may have been duped again.

edit:
I put that bit in bold It is not the total outgoings that are the issue
what is of interest is how to split these
1: shared essential outgoings.
2: shared savings goals.

The rest is your own money to either spend or save(includes reduce debt since that is saving).
In a muture relationship this will tend to also get shared(holidays nights out etc) but for now you are not in that situation.

sarah69696pink

I'd go for the house on your own....if she wants to move with you - let her but set up a lodger agreement and do everything above board.
Its hard to make decisions when you are emotionally involved, but I think you already know what you need to do, you are already doubting elements of the relationship due to her financial situation and its not a good idea to get financially tied to her.
If she does sort herself out you can always add her onto the mortgage etc at a later date (although I wouldn't!!)
But you can't take her off as she will have a claim to the home.

Bonny1

getmore4less wrote: »

A few more posts to go

I think this is your best option, get the place if you like it and send her home

Still have her round for the sex but no dogs.
If you go out she pays 1/2 or you go with someone else

Before long her dad will bail her out so you will have back and then you can start from scratch as long as she stumps up the relevent dosh to make the ownership 50:50 so a deposit(bank of mum and dad) and 50% of all the bills.


:Djust joking don't let her back untill she has proven she can be financialy sensible for at least 12 month.

snigger snigger :rotfl:

hbklea

getmore4less wrote: »

Where is the rest going you said £900/£1100 and she is only inputting £180ish to the household

So with this £200pm identified you are about even at starting point


What do the SOA look like?
looks like you may have been duped again.

edit:
I put that bit in bold It is not the total outgoings that are the issue
what is of interest is how to split these
1: shared essential outgoings.
2: shared savings goals.

The rest is your own money to either spend or save(includes reduce debt since that is saving).
In a muture relationship this will tend to also get shared(holidays nights out etc) but for now you are not in that situation.

good points, her essential outgoings include phone, gym, sunbeds etc. all in all her outgoings all together are about 630, so where the rest goes i dont know. neither does she.
all in all my outgoings most months are 800, not inluding paying for 3month gas and elec last month which my gf couldn't afford to pay. so we can save money, or shoud a say could? but when i end up paying extra obviously that effects my ability to save.
we dont have a joint bank account and i really dont think it would work if we did. i dont think she has any goals about saving money either.
nxt yr i'm getting a 10% paycut, plus i'll be travelling an extra 40 miles per day to work, so this is not only going to affect my outgoing with an extra 150pm on fuel, but also what we can borrow for a mortgage, which isn't alot.
we've spoken about moving to her parents, and saving for a year, but her idea is that they want £200 of each of us, but i pay 400 for the both of us and she pays nothing? apparently i'm still saving money that way, which i am in a sense, but then she's living completely for free and she'll soon get used to it.
the house i want is 110, but after speaking to a mortgage advisor, the absolute max i can borrow due to so much of my wage been pay protected is 77. with my 20k hopefully from the sale of my flat this still leaves me a bit short, well 13k of the asking price.
why is life never easy lol

BitterAndTwisted

hbklea wrote: »

We've spoken about moving to her parents, and saving for a year, but her idea is that they want £200 off each of us, but I pay 400 for the both of us and she pays nothing? Apparently i'm still saving money that way, which i am in a sense, but then she's living completely for free and she'll soon get used to it.

I'm REALLY annoyed with your G/f's skewed attitude to life now! If you know what's good for you, you won't moved in with her parents any time soon. How can she possibly think that it's OK for you both to live with her parents but only one of you pays towards it? Moving in might be a perfect solution to her own lack of budgeting and money management skills and that's all she appears to be considering, not yours at all.

Given the issue with your future salary-cut and the mortgage issues at the moment probably means it's God's way of telling you that the future is uncertain and that buying a property is not the best decision for you right now.

hbklea

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I'm REALLY annoyed with your G/f's skewed attitude to life now! If you know what's good for you, you won't moved in with her parents any time soon. How can she possibly think that it's OK for you both to live with her parents but only one of you pays towards it? Moving in might be a perfect solution to her own lack of budgeting and money management skills and that's all she appears to be considering, not yours at all.

Given the issue with your future salary-cut and the mortgage issues at the moment probably means it's God's way of telling you that the future is uncertain and that buying a property is not the best decision for you right now.

i've told her i think the best soultion is for her to move back with her parents, pay off her loan, learn how to control her money, and see how things go. i am still keen on the house, as i know that it'll leave me in a better postion, as i'll have options of renting a room out etc, plus mortgage will £375 instead of £450 rent, plus if things got tight i could switch to an interest only mortgage at £185 if things got really tight. i can sell my bike to raise 3k and then put in a cheeky offer of 100k, and hope. i just really hate the thought of renting for the nxt 5 years plus.

SusieT

hbklea wrote: »

i've told her i think the best soultion is for her to move back with her parents, pay off her loan, learn how to control her money, and see how things go. i am still keen on the house, as i know that it'll leave me in a better postion, as i'll have options of renting a room out etc, plus mortgage will £375 instead of £450 rent, plus if things got tight i could switch to an interest only mortgage at £185 if things got really tight. i can sell my bike to raise 3k and then put in a cheeky offer of 100k, and hope. i just really hate the thought of renting for the nxt 5 years plus.

That sounds like the best option for both of you, she can learn to save and sort herself out while you can save more by not having to pay for her. I know some people can be leeches but she really does need a lesson in money management and how to live without having her own personal money tree to suppport her.

As far as the house goes, if you can get a moergage of £77k and will have £20k left after the sale I would be putting in an offer of £90k due to the price drop and potential of more to come after the october budget (its a good bargaining point!), plus you are a buyer who has sold and will have a mortgage in place so are in a very strong position. You can then go up to £94k or 95k and have a bit for the survey and solicitors in hand.

Good luck with it, hope it works out for you.

neil324

Swap her for a less demanding model

ruggedtoast

hbklea wrote: »

i've been with my gf for 5 years, we are currently renting a 1 bed flat in a nice area for 450pm, however its really old fashioned, ie carpets, kitchen, bathroom etc. i own a flat (which we cant live in as she has a dog) so i have been it out renting out illegally (in the lease u cant sub let), but i've got a buyer so i'm selling it at a 5k loss. we've seen a house which we loved yest, she was all excited, ready to offer the asking price! however then she went to her mum and dads, came back and said she doesn't want it and wants to carry on renting until we find a property within 4 roads of where we are now, which is just so unrealistic as houses sell for around 180k. we'll never be able to afford it, this house we like is a 3 bed, new kichen, carpets etc, and only 110k. however she says even though its only a 7 minute walk to where we are now, she doesn't like the area saying its on an estate, which its not. its a cul de sac, parking is a communal car park. and its a nice area, my friend has lived in the nxt rd for 4 years.
what do i do? she's happy renting? i pay the full rent and buy all the food, so she only pays 200pm compared to my 650, and i dont earn 3x what she does, i just dont have a loan at 30% interest, an expensive phone and gym contract, and dont waste my money. plus she's in her overdraft by 700 but i refuse to bail her out as i basically gave her a car at 25% of its value. she wont learn anything if i keep bailing her out do. its my 20k deposit which i'll be putting down, i just dont know what to do?
she wants what she cant afford? i'd love a house where we are now, but we could never afford it.
i dont want to be paying dead money for the nxt 5,7,10 yrs whatever. she even wants me to update the kitchen in our rented flat? i told her she must be joking!
need some advice? what do i do? :(:(:(:(:(:( at least its fri lol:j

Grow a pair.

Moglet

hbklea wrote: »

i can sell my bike to raise 3k

Ditch the GF before you consider selling your bike!!!