my gf is totally unrealistic! what do i do?

mark5

Make your GF pay her share, your doing her no favours paying the bills for her!

Bonny1

She knows she's onto a good thing, honey... your paying her way in life, and you know it.. she's bumbling along, spending frivilously and merrily expecting you to pay the end of day bills, because You DO, you've developed a pattern of 'paying' when she won't. You'll say she 'can't pay', I say she 'won't pay', as ulitmatley she knows you WILL.

Your thinking of buying a house, and she's now decided here are benefits to this.. so she's suddenly open to he idea.. I wonder why? because she's moving to a house you'll be paying everything for... RESULT!

tread carefully my friend.

hazyjo

Another female POV. If you're gonna pay, she's gonna accept it. She might be happy enough now with her £200 odd a month payout, but be careful it's not all about money. Believe me, it won't ever change. Either you need to start playing football or doing the lottery and accept the fact a lot of it's about money and how easy her life is with you, or you have to cut her wings and make her live on a budget. Work out between you how much you both bring in and how much goes out, then how much you're each left with. A bit for saving/contingency - even if it's only £20 a month, it's better than nowt(!) - and she can spend what she's got left. If that means she takes out cash at the beginning of each month and lives on it, so be it. She'll soon learn the value of money. And if she leaves you because of that, you basically know where you stand.

Good luck, mate. I don't envy you. I've been in one-sided relationships before, and have been the one owning a property with someone living with me - it still doesn't even things out, trust me.

I'm sure you love her, but please don't get hurt over it. It seems so disrespectful to you and I don't like to hear of unfairness.

Saying all that, I remember the first bloke I lived with was so tight, we'd get in different queues in Maccy D's and buy our own burgers lol. Oh, those were the days. A relationship's about give and take - and that doesn't mean you giving and her taking.

Good luck.

Jx

sp1987

I wouldn't want to share a home with a financial time bomb.

I certainly wouldn't want to be paying to support someone else who is deluded as to what they can afford.

I'm a woman too. I can't think of anything more degrading than having some bloke have to sub me if I was too dumb to work out and prioritise my own money. Women wanted equality and we got it, now some women are sadly making the rest of us look like cabbages.

Buy your own house and let mummy and daddy fund her fickle choices if she needs to be 4 streets down the road from them so she can pop in every two seconds and whinge about you.

hbklea

thanks again for all the replys, my work mates have very similar opinions. actually worked out last night what our payouts were on the flat last month, mine worked out at 850 including the 3 monthly gas and elec bill, compared to her 130. this seriously cant go on. even when she was living at home she paid more than this. think i've got alot to think about this wkend! thanks again everyone!

poppysarah

hbklea wrote: »

need some advice? what do i do? :(:(:(:(:(:( at least its fri lol:j

You sound like you need to have that conversation that starts "look, we have to talk"

What do YOU want?
Where do you want to live?
Do you want to buy right now?

Then sit down and have a serious grown up chat with her.

And then go to the pub and drown your sorrows.

noynoy

good luck hun eitherway xx

I was in a simular situation myself with my now ex (thank god!) He didn't work neither did he have any intention of working (he broke his neck years ago had it fixed but he refused to work even though he wasn't signed off as being sick..he was just lazy). I worked he was always asking for £20 here to borrow which he never paid back..asking me to buy him this that or the other etc , when i was 18 he tried to get me to agree to having a baby so we can get a flat togther (council), i wanted more of my life than that, i rented a flat as it was closer to my then works and paid for everything..baring in mind this was before mimium wage i was earning £3.50 phr and worked 50 hr weeks , he didnt even get up until 3 in the afternoon after 4 years i realised , he was just sponging off me, and i saw before a lazy fat ugly guy, who was never going to change..hence my sig below is partly his fault ..although mostly mine for letting it happen.

id say stop paying for her get her to pay more evenly if she doesnt agree id say she just sees you as a free ride, take caution ! and best of luck

amcluesent

Gold digger. Get rid. Fancy putting up with leaving your house to life in rented just because of her dog! I just hope she 'goes' like a train...

Spartacus_Mills

hbklea wrote: »

i've been with my gf for 5 years, we are currently renting a 1 bed flat in a nice area for 450pm, however its really old fashioned, ie carpets, kitchen, bathroom etc. i own a flat (which we cant live in as she has a dog) so i have been it out renting out illegally (in the lease u cant sub let), but i've got a buyer so i'm selling it at a 5k loss. we've seen a house which we loved yest, she was all excited, ready to offer the asking price! however then she went to her mum and dads, came back and said she doesn't want it and wants to carry on renting until we find a property within 4 roads of where we are now, which is just so unrealistic as houses sell for around 180k. we'll never be able to afford it, this house we like is a 3 bed, new kichen, carpets etc, and only 110k. however she says even though its only a 7 minute walk to where we are now, she doesn't like the area saying its on an estate, which its not. its a cul de sac, parking is a communal car park. and its a nice area, my friend has lived in the nxt rd for 4 years.
what do i do? she's happy renting? i pay the full rent and buy all the food, so she only pays 200pm compared to my 650, and i dont earn 3x what she does, i just dont have a loan at 30% interest, an expensive phone and gym contract, and dont waste my money. plus she's in her overdraft by 700 but i refuse to bail her out as i basically gave her a car at 25% of its value. she wont learn anything if i keep bailing her out do. its my 20k deposit which i'll be putting down, i just dont know what to do?
she wants what she cant afford? i'd love a house where we are now, but we could never afford it.
i dont want to be paying dead money for the nxt 5,7,10 yrs whatever. she even wants me to update the kitchen in our rented flat? i told her she must be joking!
need some advice? what do i do? :(:(:(:(:(:( at least its fri lol:j

Dump her. She sounds like a leech to me.

Gwhiz

Spartacus_Mills wrote: »

Dump her. She sounds like a leech to me.

Agreed! Time to move on ....