sons girlfriend kicke dout what do i do ?

thorsoak

poe.tuesday wrote: »

does the lure of money change your outlook 'helping' this girl?

What a nasty thing to say!

poe.tuesday

thorsoak wrote: »

What a nasty thing to say!

I find this whole situation 'nasty'

the girl is in need, she stayed one night and the OP is moaning about it saying she wants her privacy and home back after just one night - fair enough if the girl had been there a week or so but one night !

and now it would seem that the OP is more open to helping this girl if there is a chance of getting some financial reward for doing so - that to me is 'nasty'.

Amanda65

thorsoak wrote: »

If daughter is not living there, then her mother is no longer entitled to claim them! I do not know the ins and outs as to whether you would be entitled to claim them or not, should she continue to live with you - but maybe a call to the office that deals with your tax credits might put you on the right path there

I still think that as it has only been one night, it is somewhat jumping the gun and that OP should, in conjunction with the girl, at least try and get her together with her mum to talk. DD2's friend came and stayed for a weekend a couple of months ago as she had had an argument with her mum. I checked before she came round that her mum knew where she was and that I was only offering a bit of space to them both. It happens - who knows why in this case - but if every time a teenager 'left' home the people offering a bed for the night contacted the DWp the entire system would go into complete meltdown

JaneRN

poe.tuesday wrote: »

I find this whole situation 'nasty'

the girl is in need, she stayed one night and the OP is moaning about it saying she wants her privacy and home back after just one night - fair enough if the girl had been there a week or so but one night !

and now it would seem that the OP is more open to helping this girl if there is a chance of getting some financial reward for doing so - that to me is 'nasty'.

I'm the eldest of five and soon after I had my son my sisters friend moved in when her parents kicked her out. It was a huge issue for the whole family and was a relief when she finally left. The OP has her own children to consider as they will be affected and there is a financial impact. The OP has every right to seek financial support for this girl, as I would assume that the girl has no income. Do you think the OP should give her money out of the family purse and continue to let the mother collect the child benefit etc?

Amanda65

JaneRN wrote: »

I'm the eldest of five and soon after I had my son my sisters friend moved in when her parents kicked her out. It was a huge issue for the whole family and was a relief when she finally left. The OP has her own children to consider as they will be affected and there is a financial impact. The OP has every right to seek financial support for this girl, as I would assume that the girl has no income. Do you think the OP should give her money out of the family purse and continue to let the mother collect the child benefit etc?

Absolutely not - if this becomes a permanent arrangement the OP has every right to claim to help support the girl and the girls mother has not right whatsoever to receive benefits for a child she is not looking after. It's just that it's only been one night ........

poe.tuesday

Amanda65 wrote: »

Absolutely not - if this becomes a permanent arrangement the OP has every right to claim to help support the girl and the girls mother has not right whatsoever to receive benefits for a child she is not looking after. It's just that it's only been one night ........

exactly :T

JaneRN

Amanda65 wrote: »

Absolutely not - if this becomes a permanent arrangement the OP has every right to claim to help support the girl and the girls mother has not right whatsoever to receive benefits for a child she is not looking after. It's just that it's only been one night ........

It's now been two nights - but I take your point that it is a short time. It worrys me that the girls sisters seem to have left the mothers at an early age and I wonder if there is a pattern?? Having been one of the siblings impacted by a "cuckoo in the nest" and know the stress my parents were under I think the small amount of money would hardly be "rewarding" as was suggested.

Amanda65

JaneRN wrote: »

It's now been two nights - but I take your point that it is a short time. It worrys me that the girls sisters seem to have left the mothers at an early age and I wonder if there is a pattern?? Having been one of the siblings impacted by a "cuckoo in the nest" and know the stress my parents were under I think the small amount of money would hardly be "rewarding" as was suggested.

Ok two nights but I would think that the DWP would want to see it as a bit more of a permanent arrangement before transferring benefits. And although I'm not very up on benefits would have assumed that to claim something like tax credits and child benefits the OP would need to have some sort of legal guardian status ?

I agree that it does seem as though the situation with the girls sisters and the fact that they left home early as well points to the mother not necessarily being as nurturing as she could be, but think the OP needs to get clear in her own mind if the family can cope with an additional person in the house before enquiring about benefits.

kurjam

poe.tuesday wrote: »

does the lure of money change your outlook 'helping' this girl?

no it does not mean i would help her more..... but i am not in a financial situation where i can afford another person to feed.....

but someone earlier said mention to her mum that i will tell tax credits / child benefit......

and she has no income so she can not contribute to help

kurjam

JaneRN wrote: »

I'm the eldest of five and soon after I had my son my sisters friend moved in when her parents kicked her out. It was a huge issue for the whole family and was a relief when she finally left. The OP has her own children to consider as they will be affected and there is a financial impact. The OP has every right to seek financial support for this girl, as I would assume that the girl has no income. Do you think the OP should give her money out of the family purse and continue to let the mother collect the child benefit etc?

thank you janern, my point exacatly.
my 4 and 6 year year old keep asking where she sleeping, when she going home....
i dont want my kids routine disruped