sons girlfriend kicke dout what do i do ?

kurjam

my son of 17 informed me last night at 10.30pm, that his girlfriends mum had told the daughter not to come home. fine i said and i let her stay over last night.
now he has rang me and said her mum has packed her stuff and told her not to come back ever.....
what do i do i am now worrying !!!!

i do not have the room for her to live with us.
she has no where to go , (she is 17)

she is a nice girl, but i just want my house and privacy back :mad:

poe.tuesday

so she has stayed for one night and you already want your home and privacy back, perhaps you should have not suggested that she stay if you were not willing to suffer the slight inconvience of helping her out in her hour of need

fluffnutter

Hmm, that's entirely up to you, kurjam. You don't need to provide a home for this girl if you don't want to. I'd sit back a little. What did her mum actually say? Have they just had a row? Is this something that has happened before? What are her circumstances (school, college, working?). The best place for her (within reason - abusive or neglectful parents notwithstanding) is her own family and home. I'd encourage her, through your son if necessary, to try to sort things out with her mum.

Try to be sympathetic and supportive, whilst remaining as detached as possible. Don't make rash promises in the heat of the moment out of desperation or because your son is pleading with you if you don't want to look after this girl (because at 17 that's what you would be). She's needs to mend the relationship with her own family.

fluffnutter

poe.tuesday wrote: »

so she has stayed for one night and you already want your home and privacy back, perhaps you should have not suggested that she stay if you were not willing to suffer the slight inconvience of helping her out in her hour of need

Having a child's girlf or boyf live with you full time is not a 'slight inconvenience'! At that age (17) it's effectively acting as a parent to them. Not something to be undertaken lightly!

kurjam

she is in full time college... i do not mind helping her, but i do not want it to be that she stays here for ever.
and last night at 10.30pm was a bit late to be sending her home as she lives 45mins away from us.

kurjam

poe.tuesday wrote: »

so she has stayed for one night and you already want your home and privacy back, perhaps you should have not suggested that she stay if you were not willing to suffer the slight inconvience of helping her out in her hour of need

would you send a 17 year old out in the wet and dark to catch a bus as she lives 45 minutes away.
you do not know whos lurking about at night time...

Apricot

If you don't want her to stay with you and her mum doesn't want her to go home the only option is for her to go to your local housing office and declare herself homeless. As she is 17 it is highly likely that they will put her in a hostel immediately. One of my friendsm actually lived in a hostel at this age and they are not as bad as they appear, it was girls under 20 years old only and they had to be in by 10pm. All of the girls had their own rooms inc. a hob to cook on and a microwave and there was a communal living room with a tv.
Its obviously not the ideal situation but surely its better than the girl sleeping on different sofas every night.

mountainofdebt

I must admit a few weeks back I was biting my tongue from telling my 17-soon-to-be-18 yr old son that he'd better ask his nan if he could move in with her because I really did want him out of my sight .....and this is a lad who is polite and usually helpful, never having been in trouble with police or the school.

I'm assuming that the OP is not really aware of what has caused this bust up but in order how to guage how to help the situation (whether its putting across the mum's pov or helping with finding alternative permenant accomodation) I do think a little more time is needed for all parties to calm down.

I think what is needed is for the OP to have a chat with the girl friend on her own to find out the details and then decide on the best way forward.

thorsoak

Only you would know if this might work Kurjam - but would it be worth phoning up GF's mum (without GF knowing, perhaps?)

I know that several times I almost packed DD's belongings - but never did - and we all know that there are three sides to every story of hard-done by teenagers & parents - parents' side, offspring's side - and the main point somewhere in the middle.

Personally, I think I would be phoning GF's mum, on the quiet, to say that her DD had stayed the night with us - if mum really couldn't bear her in the house for a moment longer, was there a relative that GF could go to (granny or aunty). I would emphasise that I didn't want to take sides, just help to resolve the problem of where DD could stay. At the same time, talk to GF to find out just what she wanted to do - making it clear that a long stay with you was not an option.

Good for you for taking her in!

RAS

kurjam

The best place for her to get help is college, she needs to go and see the welfare officer this afternoon. She is more likely to get support if you are not an option, so let DS know that because of the weways funding works, it is best if she does not stay with you.

Welfare are also more likely to be able to negoitiate her return home that BF's mum.

FATBALLZ

fluffnutter wrote: »

Having a child's girlf or boyf live with you full time is not a 'slight inconvenience'! At that age (17) it's effectively acting as a parent to them. Not something to be undertaken lightly!

Stop exaggerating. Any child brought up by a half decent parent should be more or less independent at that age. They should be able to cook, wash up, catch a bus, do their homework, wipe their backside and all the rest of it. She just needs a place to stay, no more should be required.