sons girlfriend kicke dout what do i do ?

poe.tuesday

kurjam wrote: »

would you send a 17 year old out in the wet and dark to catch a bus as she lives 45 minutes away.
you do not know whos lurking about at night time...

no I certainly wouldn't but I also would not be claiming I wanted my home and privacy back after she had been there for one night either - whilst I don't expect you to have this girl living with you full time, I think you could at least let her stay for a week or so whilst she gets herself sorted out and I personally would not see that as any sort of inconvience - she is young and in need of help and is probably going through a hell of a time after being rejected and kicked out by her mother, the last thing she needs now is another mother figure complaining about her lack of privacy - whilst I also respect that it is your home and it is up to you who you have there etc but I am having a bit of a problem with understanding your concern for your privacy after she has only been there one night - if she had been there longer I would understand but one night

emsywoo123

poe.tuesday wrote: »

no I certainly wouldn't but I also would not be claiming I wanted my home and privacy back after she had been there for one night either - whilst I don't expect you to have this girl living with you full time, I think you could at least let her stay for a week or so whilst she gets herself sorted out and I personally would not see that as any sort of inconvience - she is young and in need of help and is probably going through a hell of a time after being rejected and kicked out by her mother, the last thing she needs now is another mother figure complaining about her lack of privacy - whilst I also respect that it is your home and it is up to you who you have there etc but I am having a bit of a problem with understanding your concern for your privacy after she has only been there one night - if she had been there longer I would understand but one night

I'm glad you typed all this cos I was going to try but your post summed it all up perfectly :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Wicked_witch

I really feel for you kurjam, I am in a similar position with my son's girlfriend- they are 16. She doesn't get along with her mum at all and we have already had a couple of tearful latenight phonecalls- son got home at about 1am last night (sorry, this morning) because she dissolved into tears as her was taking her home and he didn't know what to do and felt he had to stay with her. GF doesn't have a curfew (son's is 10.30 and he keeps breaking it due to all this drama) and it didn't seem to occur to her mum that she should look after her own daughter and make son go home at a reasonable hour. She's a lovely girl, but I'm reaching the point where I just want to tell him not to see her (I won't because that would increase the drama a hundredfold...)

Anyway, yes it is a big responsibility, both emotional and financial, to take on a teenager who isn't yours and who has a difficult family history. I assume you also don't want her sleeping in your son's room. I have already decided I won't be putting up with that situation, but will give every assistance to GF to find a stable place to stay and to fix the relationship with her family. I'd say that is not only the most responsible thing to do, but also the kindest longterm as if she and your son split up she will still have a secure home and family.

Oldernotwiser

RAS wrote: »

kurjam

The best place for her to get help is college, she needs to go and see the welfare officer this afternoon. She is more likely to get support if you are not an option, so let DS know that because of the weways funding works, it is best if she does not stay with you.

Welfare are also more likely to be able to negoitiate her return home that BF's mum.

There's nothing a college can do in this situation - what would you expect them to do?

Kurjam, I wouldn't do anything until you've spoken to the other mother as this could be a sob story made up by the girl to allow her to move in with your son.

Wicked_witch

Yep, I am already learning there is more than one side to the stories I get. Talking to the mum has already helped a bit, although she genuinely is a very difficult and self centred personality.

Just to reiterate to the posters who feel OP should take this girl in, you have to think about what happens if they split up in 3 or 6 months- they are only kids after all. You can't have a weeping desolate ex-GF (or ex-BF!) living in the same house as yourself and each other! And so the GF will have to be uprooted and moved on again, feeling even more worthless and insecure... It's important to get her into a position where she isn't reliant on OP or her son for a home and emotional support.

babymoo

It is nice of you to take her in but I have to wonder what your going to be like with the girl who your son decides to settle down with and marry?! 1 night and she is already doing your head in, she seriously can't be that bad. Good luck to the poor girl.

babymoo

Wicked_witch wrote: »

Yep, I am already learning there is more than one side to the stories I get. Talking to the mum has already helped a bit, although she genuinely is a very difficult and self centred personality.

Just to reiterate to the posters who feel OP should take this girl in, you have to think about what happens if they split up in 3 or 6 months- they are only kids after all. You can't have a weeping desolate ex-GF (or ex-BF!) living in the same house as yourself and each other! And so the GF will have to be uprooted and moved on again, feeling even more worthless and insecure... It's important to get her into a position where she isn't reliant on OP or her son for a home and emotional support.

On the other hand they may still be together in 15 years time married with kids. Then she will always be thinking that her MIL really doesnt like her because she couldn't cope with her for more than 1 night.

Wicked_witch

They may, but their relatiionship is far more likely to reach that point if they're not cooped up together 24/7 in an overcrowded house. I don't think anyone is suggesting that OP should fling the girl into the street with a hearty curse, but that she try to work out the best option for both GF and everyone else in the family- ie support her in finding a route to independence and possible reconciliation with her own family. I can't see why the GF would suppose that meant OP didn't like her.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Teenagers have been known to deliberately engineer this kind of thing, OP. A 'well, you need to get yourself to your college advisor who can get social services to try and help you get a room in a B&B or something' will most likely get her back to Mum's pretty sharpish.

(BTW, Oldernotwiser - with all deference to you, on this I can assure you that the college does have a duty to help and will be familiar with such situations these days)

Wicked_witch

May be worth you calling the college to check what services they have and how to access them OP, so you can pass the details on. I'm not suggesting you give any of her personal details, but just find out the options.