My boyfriend has dumped me

Bubbalou

Welll it depends on your definition of importance

As far as emotions go, then the partner will be missed most severly

On a day to day basis, the money will be missed for a longer period and she might be really scared of facing the debt alone

I see this all the time as a reason why unhappy people don't leave marriages and partnerships, and tho I aim to get myself in a position where it isn't a problem for me, I don't think I should be judging those who are in that position

Toomuchdebt

Actually no I didn't put any pressure on him to contribute at all-in fact I told him last week that until things were better between us then I didn't want any money off him.The reason I put that about the money was to try and keep the post on a vaguely debt free topic.To be perfectly honest I couldn't care less if he gave me money or not-I'd rather have him and have twice as much debt,then not have him and be debt free.When I posted the OP I was still in shock at what had happened.Please don't judge unless you know the full facts.I was trying to just cope with what had happened and yes it will affect my debts long term however that is not what hurts the most.I was scared that if I started posting how bad I was feeling I wouldn't be able to stop.

smokybabe

Morning hun just like to post the first:grouphug: of the day and I hope you managed to get some sleep last night.

Toomuchdebt

I did sleep but not very well.have had no further contact since the texts last night and I won't text him first or call as I don't want to annoy him.I'm dreading tomorrow evening as the kids will be at their dad's house until Saturday so I will be totally alone in that time

oops_a_daisy

hi TMD - can you arrange to go over to a friend or relatives house to keep you busy ?
[[[[[HUGS]]]]]

Toomuchdebt

oops_a_daisy wrote:

hi TMD - can you arrange to go over to a friend or relatives house to keep you busy ?
[[[[[HUGS]]]]]

Unfortunately not,though I may pop in to see a friend tomorrow.I don't have that many friends here and certainly only 2 I can go and cry about this with.

elantan

just caught on to your thread and wanted to give you a hug also ..all the best

mrslawrence2003

Toomuchdebt wrote:

I don't know...I have talked about the whole thing with a friend today and she said it sounded like he was just confused,but on the other hand I can't understand how you can say you love someone but not know if you want to be with them.I just don't get it.

well u have a lot of debt and that can effect ppl in diff ways. some ppl handle it ok but other ppl are absolutely terrified by it. perhaps this is scaring him and he thus putting a huge amount of pressure on your relationship and could be making him act irrationally or not allowing him to think clearly about the situation. that he says he loves you is a good sign. i really feel that if you love each other there will always be a way to make it work (altho that may mean you have to put up with things you dont like or making sacrifices). perhaps he has got so confused and scared and worried that he has gone into overdrive and just needs space to clear his head.

i dont know what the best thing for you to do is - but pls do keep talking about it as a problem shared is a problem solved. but, for your own peace of mind - do try and get something solid fm him - eg i love you but the finances are too much for me to handle or no, i dont love you anymore - in which case you know there is no hope in making it work so you can get closure.

Toomuchdebt

Thing is he knew about the debt right from the beginning but yes maybe it is that-maybe he thought I only wanted him for the money-which I hope he doesn't now seeing as I have told him I don't want anyhting from him.I'm going to leave contact up to him.I don't want him to feel I'm harrassing him or chasing him.If he needs space then that's what he has.I'm not going to hope that he will come back.I'll just be let down and heartbroken again if he doesn't.

mrslawrence2003

Toomuchdebt wrote:

Thing is he knew about the debt right from the beginning but yes maybe it is that-maybe he thought I only wanted him for the money-which I hope he doesn't now seeing as I have told him I don't want anyhting from him.I'm going to leave contact up to him.I don't want him to feel I'm harrassing him or chasing him.If he needs space then that's what he has.I'm not going to hope that he will come back.I'll just be let down and heartbroken again if he doesn't.

he may have known about it - but perhaps didn't realise / take it on board etc and when the understanding hit him he got scared? i dont know - it's impossible to say as i do not know you guys. i could go on all day suggesting why it might have been, but it wouldnt change what's happened and it wouldn't help u at all.

why not write how you feel down as if you were writing him a letter - getting everything out and down on paper as this will help u to really vent you tears / anger / frustration / bewilderment etc. of course dont send it too him but it may well help you.