Nightmare 15 yr old daughter

Savvy_Sue

Caz has been very direct but something to add to that is that many addicts say that going to prison was / is / would be the best thing that could happen to them. It does not help all of them, but it often brings the person up short and gives them space to see what has happened to them and, more importantly, the space to start the process of change. They don't always come out a changed person, but sometimes they do. And as she says, while they are in prison, you do know where they are!

Pollen

Whilst it was not my reply I recognise what Caroline is saying.... you need to take control of yourself and your situation. As you have a 12 year old son Social Services could (and should with this level of violence) become involved which may be based on the police report. You will not be left with a choice with any intevention - you need to take your situation and make sure you have as much control. Therefore you need to take and show some action regarding how you are going to protect yourself and your son at home, otherwise you are at risk of other agencies intevenening.

Lol and hugs

Pollen

Curry_Queen

Caz, you haven't offended me in anyway, don't worry, like I said to Sue I prefer to be told straight and some of what you said has made me sit up and think, which is what I need. I've developed a bad habit, or coping strategy if you like, of avoiding difficult and painful situations and doing anything I can to distract from what's really going on (like spending hours reading these boards for example) but this isn't just about me this time and what's happened has deeply affected my youngest and you're right, he needs to see me taking some sort of action so he can feel safe and protected.

I have talked to him about what's happened and spent time and cuddles with him etc and he says he's ok but I just know it's affected him more than he's letting on. He'll be away from the situation and safe at his dad's this weekend but knowing him he'll just spend all weekend worrying about me

I'm going to call the DV unit first thing (thanks for the links and phone numbers pollen ... I'm not in the area they cover but at least you've pointed me in the right direction of who to contact and I've found some numbers and organisations more local to me, so thank you) although I'm not entirely sure that this was recorded as a domestic violence incident but it's a step in the right direction anyway and failing that, I should be able to get some help from victim support.

I'm not overly impressed with the way the police have handled the whole situation anyway and the fact it took them almost an hour to reach me despite the controller on the 999 switchboard hearing a lot of what was going on over the phone. The officer who took my statement (a young slip of a lad) said he was waiting outside for 20 minutes for back-up to arrive, as apparently he's not allowed to enter a situation alone, but one of us could have been more seriously injured, or even killed in that time :mad:

I also remember him saying that somebody different would need to come and speak to my son due to his age but that hasn't happened either, so something else I need to chase up. I think I must have been in shock or something as everything has been rather hazy and difficult to remember but it's starting to come back to me now.

My youngest still hasn't been to school, and I don't think he'll be going today either (he says it's because he doesn't want anyone to see the bruises to his face, but I think he's also scared of going out) so I've emailed them with a brief explanation of why he's not there.

Thank you again to everyone for being so supportive. I'm just so relieved to have found somewhere to talk about this or I think I might have gone insane

Love to you all xxxxx

Pollen

Good Morning Curry Queen,

Am pleased to hear you are going to phone DV unit. I'm sorry about the numbers, why I thought you were in Manchester who knows (geography is not my strongest point). Make sure you also phone Women's Aid cos they have outreach workers who can give you support. Also phone the school, time and cuddles help but so does understanding. I look forward to hearing how you're going forward. Take care
PollenXX

Curry_Queen

Thanks pollen

Small update - I've spoken to the police and they said my case has been transferred to the family unit, due to the age of my youngest, and I can expect a phone call to arrange an appt some time next week!!! The domestic violence unit aren't even involved with the case and my eldest was released to re-appear pending further enquiries.

They couldn't tell me anything about where my son might have gone, as he is effectively homeless now, which is extremely worrying not knowing where he is or if he's ok and wondering whether he's on the streets in this atrocious weather. I know what he's done is a terrible thing and I'll never forgive him for attacking my little boy but I can't stop caring about him and worrying whether he's ok. There's always the worry he may turn up here again too, but they told me just to call 999 if he does and they'll make it a high priority to send a unit over.

Pollen

Hi Curry Queen,

Short note to say "well done" first step is the hardest.

However... what about the rest?.. Women's Aid, Victim's support + a self-referral to your previous support worker.

As to your son, he is unfortunately an 20 year old adult who for what ever reason has made bad life choices - of couse you love, care and worry but he needs to make some changes and perhaps a change in your approach can help - you are not alone. Contact

http://www.recovery.org.uk/links/linkhelp.html - and arrange to meet up with someone. Shared problems ease them especially when others have experienced same. He obviously has some knowledge of the system and I would hope that he has found hostel or night shelter but he needs to do this himself and to start taking on the responsibilities that come with adulthood.

I look forward to hearing about your next steps - only if you wish to share them. I hope you don't find this too intrusive,
PXX

Caz2_2

Hi curry queen
Well done so far keep it up. Sometimes with the best will in the world the charities and authorities involved can not act as quickly as you hope. This is where YOU need to ask for help and be pro-active. Pollen gives good advise and links, ring them all, tell everyone you can and state that you need help. I hope you are safe and glad to hear your youngest is this weekend. Have you thought of getting an injuction against you oldest? I'm sure you are reading this thinking how can i do that, I'm his mum and i empathise here trully, but imagine if you hadn't stopped him hurting you and your youngest and in time he is reabilitated how is he giong to feel. (SORRY) here goes, we are all selfish with our own needs as parents, it suits us, you need to take yourself out of the picture and do what is best for both of them. Your eldest can't stop himself at the moment he is out of control, don't allow him to really hurt you or your 12 year old, get an injuction. You said earlier you were worried about him because the weather was bad and you didn't know where he was. He is resourceful curry queen and i'm sure he is ok.
take care thinking of you

Caz2_2

Hi toozie, rushnowt and curryqueen how are you all doing. Just got on here after a very busy weekend, just wondering if you have all survived weekend. We had 2 teenagers with big birthdays and 2 disturbed nights of cheerful but drunk kids, now I'm knackered and enjoying my night. What did you all get for mothers day?

Pollen

Hi Caz2 et al, the opposite in my house - mother being the cheerful drunken one with daughters being responsible . Hope you had a good day with or without gifts and do enjoy your night.

toozie_2

Caz2 wrote:

Hi toozie, rushnowt and curryqueen how are you all doing. Just got on here after a very busy weekend, just wondering if you have all survived weekend. We had 2 teenagers with big birthdays and 2 disturbed nights of cheerful but drunk kids, now I'm knackered and enjoying my night. What did you all get for mothers day?

Hi all

All not too bad at moment. Eldest daughter (aged 15) does not believe in cards, hence no Mothers Day one! She probably doesn't believe in spending her money on someone other than herself. But I did get a photo frame that was really nice. Youngest daughter (aged 14) made a card, which said "your BLINGIN.....NOT MINGIN!!!" and bought me a fridge magnet. Can't be bad...eh!

Curry, Rush, Caz, how are your sprogs??