Sister in law neglecting children every weekend

babymoo

stormbreaker wrote: »

Be VERY careful about reporting them. It could see your FIL being charged with the neglect if there is any, as the mother could claim she left them in his care and custody. It would then be his word against hers. However if they made enquiry with the neighbours who spoke about her leaving the premises and the FIL being seen there abouts thereafter, it would be he who would be in s***.
If you are concerned could you not offer up a few hours or have them round at yours? You will not change the behaviour of the mother.

Regardless of who is leaving the children alone over night, the fact remains they are still being left. Be it FIL or the mother, if they are both in charge then both are to blame.

Perhaps the children would be better off with people who didn't leave them alone all night and put them first?!

BitterAndTwisted

OP if you choose to report this behaviour to SS, even anonymously, you risk causing WWIII to break out with the family, perhaps even causing a rift between yourself and your OH. It's not an easy situation to find yourself in and I don't envy you one tiny bit. I honestly wouldn't go there despite the potential danger the kids might be in. This is an issue for your FIL to sort out with his daughter, not you.

I_know_my_ABC_and_my_CMYK

Does she actually live alone or with your father-in-law (sorry if I missed that bit)

There is no way I would have left my son to fend for himself even at 17/18 - he has since learn t to cook extremely well, but at 14 they need their mum there, not just to cook but for everything else too. Plus new family or not the farther should be doing something as well.

I wonder what the relationship is like between her an her children, I wouldn't be surprised if they resent her and are difficult with her - who could blame them?

I would tell her she is out of order though before doing anything official and give her a time limit, if it doesn't change drop child protection a nod.

If anything major came from this would you be able to take the children in? or at least for the time she isn't there?

I feel for the kids, if we don't protect them and our future, who else will.............

Violetta_2

What if , (and heaven forbid it) something terrible were to happen to those children. Ok it could happen any night, but without someone grown up who is less likely to panic & do something stupid, it could end in tragedy. If it's your oh family I would get him to have a word, a strong word with your fil if sil won't listen, and if need be threaten to put them out if she doesn't become more responsible.
Why do women put some bloke before their children?? It's beyond me.
Oh & I'd rather be responsible for arguments within the family than have to attend 3 funerals. (extreme I know)

MrsE_2

Lucy1973 wrote: »

No he sometimes is out over night either at some do or staying with brothers. He may pop back but not until around sunday lunchtime/afternoon sometimes.

They shouldn't be alone overnight, a 14 year old shouldn't be in charge of young siblings for extended periods.

BitterAndTwisted

After the willful neglect it's the "some bloke" aspect of it that is so disturbing. What kind of lesson is that to teach one's children? Family life is all well and good but as soon as some recently-met sh@g comes along, the kids don't deserve a second thought and can be left to fend for themselves. It's saddening and maddening all at the same time

gizmo111

You really need to report this - a 14 year old is likely to be out the door the minute the adult is out of the house and leave the 2 younger ones by themselves. Or have a selection of freinds in - doing god knows what. I would suggest that you wait until you know the children are alone and ring the police so they can be caught in the act, the police will then involve social services. Unliekly the grandfather will be charged with anything as he is not the parent.

Have a read here of what can hapen when children are left alone (I know these were younger) http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bristol/8277414.stm

Lucy1973

patchwork_cat wrote: »

If FIL knows that she will be away every w/e and he makes arrangements to stay away overnight then effectively he is neglecting the kids too. They are your in laws and as such I would tread very warily. I assume they are your partners sister and father? If so then it is upto him to deal with it.

No,I dont hold my FIL responsible at all. My sis in law needs to take full responsibility on this one I think She's the parent,not my FIL.

Lucy1973

stormbreaker wrote: »

Be VERY careful about reporting them. It could see your FIL being charged with the neglect if there is any, as the mother could claim she left them in his care and custody. It would then be his word against hers. However if they made enquiry with the neighbours who spoke about her leaving the premises and the FIL being seen there abouts thereafter, it would be he who would be in s***.
If you are concerned could you not offer up a few hours or have them round at yours? You will not change the behaviour of the mother.

We sometimes have the older one with us. He's close to my son but my son is a bit older and is out socialising at weekends. He often rings us up at weekends asking to sleep over or my son go to his. As I said,my son and us often have plans as we all work and my sis in law is the type to take the mickey re babysitting. I already do my share of picking the youngest up from school when she wants to go out. Its like she expects it all the time.

stormbreaker

Lucy1973 wrote: »

No,I dont hold my FIL responsible at all.

You don't but the authorities would!