Sister in law neglecting children every weekend

Lucy1973

My sis in law has been with her boyfriend for 3 years. They dont live together and only see eachother fri-sun(not really a long distance away but he appears not to be bothered to drive to see her during the week,about 20 min drive).

The past few months she has taken to leaving her children home while she stays with her boyfriend(friday afternoon to sun evening,her 2 oldest dont like the boyfriend).

The children are 12,14 and 7 and because she and the children live with her dad,she lumbers him some weekends,if he's busy,she'll leave them alone. Do you think this is right? The 2 oldest are already overweight and it doesn't help that they have to fend for themselves every weekend,on junk food. She is early 30's and never worked,so is on benefits,but my poor father in law,who is widowed is now financially supporting them all(he told my hubby in confidence that he got a pretty big bonus at work but he didn't want my sis in law to know(which confirmed alot for me). Theres alot of other issues but these are the main ones.

melancholly

unless there is genuine danger to the children, this sounds like one to step away from a bit...... it's your in-laws and that makes it so hard to say something. i'd say it's up to the FIL to say he can't look after them or to withdraw financial support, rather than anyone else. it sounds like very poor parenting to me and not at all right, but it also sounds like a situation where a massive rift could be caused if you said or did anything. maybe your OH could have a word with her to see what she says? can he drop it into conversation and try to bring it up naturally, rather than forcing the issue?

lynnexxxo

And what about the childrens father? Can't he take care of his own children occasionally?

Lucy1973

lynnexxxo wrote: »

And what about the childrens father? Can't he take care of his own children occasionally?

Its very sporadic. He only sees them once in a blue moon and doesn't give any financial support,never has done(he has a new family aswell).

Valli

This is what I do - I have a BF who lives 50 miles away. On (the rare) occasion I go to visit him overnight, leaving my soon-to-be 17 YO son at home alone; my daughter, 14, stays at her dads.
I wouldn't even go and leave them both overnight, though I do go out with him in the day/evening and leave them at home.

The title you chose for the thread says it all, IMHO.

alwaysonthego_2

I would report this to the local social services department and let them decide whether the children are at risk. I am sure that they would be okay for a couple of hours under the 14 year old's supervision but for 2 whole days and nights would make me feel uneasy. A 14 year old under the eyes of the law is still a child and does not have the maturity to be caring for his younger siblings for a long period.

Lucy1973

alwaysonthego wrote: »

I would report this to the local services department and let them decide whether the children are at risk. I am sure that they would be okay for a couple of hours under the 14 year old's supervision but for 2 whole days and nights would make me feel uneasy. A 14 year old under the eyes of the law is still a child and does not the maturity to be caring for his younger siblings for a long period.

I was worried that this was what I may have to do:(

McKneff

Personally, I wouldnt hesitate to ring social services. You dont have to give your name, just say you are a concerned neighbour who sees her coming and going and leaving the children alone.

babymoo

This is disgusting behaviour! Children are not able to cope with emergencies should they arise, what would the children do if a fire was to break out in the home one night when they were alone?! I think you knew full well what you had to do before you even posted, its a difficult position to be in but you will never forgive yourself if you don't do anything and some harm does come to the children whilst they are alone.

NAR

Same as babymoo

What if there was a serious accident to one of the children (especially the eldest) would the other kids be able to cope? What if the house went on fire? Maybe they could cope, but they shouldn't have to. IMHO it is neglect over the periods of time you are describing and I certainly would have SS investigate. Could you live with the guilt if some or all died and you could have prevented it?

Lara44

But don't the children live with your FIL? Is he around or are they being left alone?

It is clearly not wonderful parenting either way, but imho serious if the kids are being left alone all weekend by themselves on a regular basis. I would probably report this or try to have word with her. If FIL is in then it is a different story and you should probably step back. Hope you resolve it