Partner is losing battle with cancer and I don't know what to do next

hngrymummy

Cool - I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through.

Don't be afraid to have these feelings, it's normal. You need to be strong for your OH and your daughter, and bottling it up isn't good for that.

Find a support group and speak to them. It will help. As others have said, Macmillan are really good, they cared for my Uncle when he was ill, and were very relaxed about visiting hours. They helped my Aunt with day to day things too.

Please have an open and honest talk with your OH about what she wants to do. If she wants to go for every trial possible, then support her and give her encouragement. My Uncle did not - he was tired of the pain and the poking and prodding. It was heartbreaking, but we had to support his descision. We got comfort from the fact that it was his descision and he told the cancer what he was going to do, not the other way around.

Please remember that you're not alone in this. All your OH asks from you is that you do your best, and it sounds as though you care enough to do exactly that.

LittleTinker

Im very sorry to hear of your wifes illness and the suffering that you all feel at this time.

I urge you to try a macrobiotic diet as soon as you can. Your wife will have to be very positive, almost to the point of ignoring what is happening to her and to only concentrate on the benefits of a new diet.

Our diets are responsible for so many problems we have today.....and they are also ignored by doctors and patients for some unknown reason......instead we have extremley bad nutritional advise given to us and we tend to have the thoughts that diets cant possibly help. They can and they do.....very quickly in some cases.

If you do some research you will find all kinds of macrobiotic foods that do help people with cancer.

Best wishes through this difficult time.

space_rider

Definately see if you can get a referral to your local hospice. She should be able to get proper pain management from the pain team.My friend had cancer and the pain got out of control even though she was taking oramorph, diclofenac etc. She did end up on diamorphine but was on it for around 2 years as she lasted much longer than they though she would. My thoughts are with you and your family.

scotsgirl_3

I'm so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through. I lost my aunt to ovarian cancer last year (she battled it for 5 years and went through an incredible amount of treatment, I recognise the names of all the treatments you mention) and I know how heartbreaking it was to see her going through all the treatment. I would agree with those who say "make memories" - my aunt went to Australia twice, met her grandchildren, etc and she really got every possible bit of joy out of her last few years.

Macmillan were fabulous - she did go in to a hospice at the end, however, don't be freaked the first time hospice is mentioned. She had dealings with them for pain relief quite early on, and when she was getting worse they took her in for a couple of days to sort out her pain medication, then came out to her home every day to check on her, refill her driver of pain meds, and generally offer support. This allowed her to stay in her own home, with her family, until about a week before she passed.

Also, you don't mention what side effects she has had from the chemo - some of my aunts were horrendous. Partly because of these, and because of the type of cancer, she really felt quite unfeminine, and this was something she really struggled with as she had always been a women who was very elegant and took real pride in her appearance. One of her local charities (the maggie centre I think) organised events where beauticians came in, taught patients how to do make up which didn' irritate their skin, how to "fake" the eyebrows had had been lost etc, and there are also a lot of very good hairdressers who have started styling wigs (often for free) which may help if she has lost her hair. I know these might sound like such trivial things when dealing with something so severe, but feeling as beautiful and feminine as possible really made a huge difference to her.

space_rider

Scotsgirl, my friend had free beauty treatments provided by Debenhams at the hospice. She also got lots of free stuff from Clinique.

scotsgirl_3

I think it may have been the same - she definitely got lots of clinique stuff. Sounds such a little thing but meant a lot to some of the ladies.

Sorry to hear about your friend. My aunt also survived for far longer than expected, we were so fortunate to have the extra time with her but at the same time it was heartbreaking to see - I feel so much for OP and his daughter.

meritaten

dont underestimate the importance of beauty therapy - as the above posters have mentioned. the charity I said about before realises the importance of this and has a marvellous beauty therapist! along with reflexogist and other therapists - complementary therapy is available through them - not just for the cancer sufferer - but their family too.
its not just the phone line - another important aspect of the charity is the friends you can make there! people who UNDERSTAND what you are going through having gone through it themselves. they are incredibly supportive and make you feel you arent alone.

Errata

Beauty treatments are a godsend when your've managed to keep some of your hair and what's left is like straw and your skin is totally dessicated.

MrsE_2

Cool_Username wrote: »

I haven't spoken to them no.

I'll have to try and do it tomorrow.

She's upstairs trying to sleep now I've never felt so fu*king useless in all my life she's so brave but there's nothing I can do to help her. I want some miracle cure to help her they've mentioned that she may only have a few years left.

I'm devastated and I can't come to terms with the fact that she may not be here much longer.

Your not useless & you are helping her by just being there for her.

Bella79

Hi cool username

I just wanted to send you my best wishes, i know a little how u feel, a few weeks ago a very close family relative was told she had advanced lung cancer and there was nothing they could do, needless to say our world turned upside down we felt sad,angry,guilt,shock,fear and at one point we horribly thought "why us ?"

We got in touch with macmilen and i have to say they have been fantastic sorting out all her benfits etc so we dont have to worry about her money and benefits, they really do loads for you.

My heart goes out to you its a horrid situation that i wouldnt wish upon anyone, and please if you would like to pm me i wouldnt mind chatting to you

All the best
xxx