Partner is losing battle with cancer and I don't know what to do next

jaybee

So sorry to hear what's happening to you all.

As others have already suggested - please try Macmillan. They are brilliant in all aspects of care but will be able to control the pain. No one needs to suffer pain like that these days.

Take care.

birdlady

Cool Username,

My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I lost my husband 2 years ago to cancer for which there was no treatment and he only received palliative care (morphine). As well as slow release morphine he was prescribed oramorph liquid to top up when the pain was very strong.

For myself the biggest help I got was on the macmillan forum as already suggested, talking to other people who had gone through or were going through similar gave me so much support, both in terms of knowledge of new treatments, and emotional support for myself, I have no idea how I would've got through it without that help. Someone on there may have knowledge of the trial ? There will be lots of people on there who feel as useless as yourself who need company.

Cath

busiscoming2

Coolusername so, so sorry.

I would also say Macmillan are brilliant.

ticklepenny_2

Coolusername, I lost my nan afew years ago and just wish I had spent more time with her. Making as many memories as possible.

Macmillan will be able to provide specialist advice and support.

Minniemavis

I read this post and I can honestly say I was nearly crying. No words of advice I'm sorry but I really hope you are all ok xxxxx

margaretclare

I am so, so sorry. I can only add to what others have said - Macmillan, local hospice, they're the experts on this.

DH has a first cousin who has, for the past month, been aggressively treated in hospital for acute myeloid leukaemia. A couple of days ago he was let out of hospital, was enjoying sleeping in his own bed after a month in a sort of air-tight bubble - he had blood taken just before he left, now he's been recalled into hospital. What does that tell you - not good news.

Errata

My thoughts are with you.
This is the national Macmillan phone number 0808 808 0000 and your GP or the cancer team can make an urgent referral to your local Macmillan team.

picnic

realy could not read and run. My dad died of lung cancer xmas just gone and I was devistated that I didnt get to say goodbye before he went. take every day and make them great, my heart and prays are with you. im so sorry your family are going through this and hope that your miricle comes for you xox

belfastgirl23

Just to add to what the others have said, my father lost his second wife to cancer a few years ago. He said that basically the doctors (GPs and hospital docs) were crap with pain management, their role is to prolong life and they are very reluctant to prescribe any more painkillers than absolutely necessary in case it reduces life expectancy or people become addicted. however the specialist hospice nurses and doctors' role is pain management, they have much fewer concerns about addiction because they're usually dealing with people where the short term is far more important than the long term. They were the ones who helped him get the pain management right for his wife, and in the end he reached a point where he was pretty much managing her pain himself, albeit with specialist input from them. He felt that once they got it right, she was comfortable pretty much till the last 24 hours of her life. As the others have said, you should contact the specialist services as soon as possible and get the appropriate help from them. Macmillan are also fantastic but he couldn't speak highly enough of the hospice people.

You also need to think about and talk with her about both her wishes for the future and her will etc if you find the right time. It's a really hard thing to do but she might be relieved to have some of those discussions. EG do you think she can remain at home etc.

And you need to think about yourself a little as well as her. Do use the forums and lean on people close to you - you need to be strong for her but you will also need people around you to lean on, especially since you also have your daughter to support. She also might benefit from being in touch with other young people in similar situations.

So sorry for your situation and I hope you manage to get things sorted out.

lauren_1

I millionth the macmillan trust, they may have contacts with other professionals such as complementary therapist that may be able to help your partner at this time. A massage or other treatment is very calming, it may not ease the pain much but at this stage its just all about keeping her comfortable, calm and steady now.

As she has a terminal status she will not be contraindicated in anyway now.

You could try your local cancer hospice or speak to her oncologist about it.