Does anyone else find it hard to make friends?

svjenni

The great thing about this thread is that its made me realise I am not alone, in fact i'm pretty lucky.

Its hard to make friends - I start french class in a few weeks in a new bid to increase my circle.

Mostly i'm friendless because i'm not the best at staying in touch, work seems so mental and when i'm home I just wanna sleep. Will be TTC next year so hoping I will make friends at the same lifestage as me, but that doesn't always work out

I'm afraid i don't have any answers- but it seems this might be pretty normal....

dundeedoll_2

Februarycat wrote: »

I'm in the same situation since my divorce as my social life was with my ex. There is nothing much going on where I live, I dont drive which makes it difficult, also have no close family except my teenage son but he is busy with his own hobbies and 6th form. Have 2 people nearby who I would say are friends but they are busy at weekends/evenings with their families.

Hi all.............think I wrote the above post :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Finding that I'm just stuck in (on here ) and am actually quite happy home on my own BUT know I should be getting out and mixing with people...............so so difficult tho'!

Ps Am in worcestershire

elfen

If I could make friends more easily I would, the only 2 real friends I have (as in planning stuff and the impetus isn't on me to do it) is a friend I made in college (2008/09 - so recent!) and one in uni (2009/10 - again recent and on my course) I get very shy and tongue-tied, and find it hard to talk to people....so I'll join the MSE Lonely Ladies Club

shellsuit

We were messaging and emailing each other loads when we were in the throes of wedding planning.

You would email me and I would reply and things were fine for a few weeks.

Then you stopped replying to me, but yet a week or so later would send me a fresh email, disregarding my previous replies...so I'd reply again to your new emails...and hear nothing back?

This went on a few times till I just never heard from you again, so maybe the difficulty is in how you treat people?

People can't be there just when it suits you, it has to be a 2 way street if you want to turn it into friendship.

Littlemadam83

Hi Shellsuit,

I agree with your points, and should have made more of an effort. At the time it was so hard and I did apologise but @I had been given so much of a workload after redundancies that it was impossible to email you at work.

I was going home and going to bed I was so tired, and then by the time (what a week or so) it was too late and my emails and I had peed you off too much. If we had have been friends enough I would have caled you in the evenings or nipped for a coffee, but being at my PC all day and night was not where I wanted to be. I also didnt post on here, it's not like I just ignored you.

Anyway, you have had the last laugh as it's all gone wrong for me. I dont want there to be hard feelings, i genuinely liked talking to you, but I screwed up by being too stressed with work.

shellsuit

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

Hi Shellsuit,

I agree with your points, and should have made more of an effort. At the time it was so hard and I did apologise but @I had been given so much of a workload after redundancies that it was impossible to email you at work.

I was going home and going to bed I was so tired, and then by the time (what a week or so) it was too late and my emails and I had peed you off too much. If we had have been friends enough I would have caled you in the evenings or nipped for a coffee, but being at my PC all day and night was not where I wanted to be. I also didnt post on here, it's not like I just ignored you.

Anyway, you have had the last laugh as it's all gone wrong for me. I dont want there to be hard feelings, i genuinely liked talking to you, but I screwed up by being too stressed with work.

You were emailing me from work though? I'd reply and you'd either take 2 weeks to reply, or not reply at all.

I know you were stressing about the wedding at the time, but if you emailed me with problems and I'd drafted a lengthy reply with advice/an ear to listen, then it's only courtesy to respond, even just to let me know you'd read it, instead of waiting a couple of weeks and emailing me again with the next situation you were in. And you had been posting on here, not a lot, but there were posts. I had too, but I'm always on here anyway!

I wish you and your hubby all the luck in the world, I just thought I'd done something wrong, that's all. :cool:

pukkamum

reading the above it seems LM that you have the same issues i do liking the idea of friends but not having the time (or motivation) to commit to them.
This is why i only have one friend who i can call on whenever with no pressure etc.
If you want a friend on your terms then that is something you are gonna have to make clear from the start ie, look i am very busy etc so if you don't hear from me it's not ignorance it's just that i'm busy and make sure you reciprocate ie not getting upset if they don't call etc.
Having friends is hard work and unless you are going to make the effort or you find someone with the same attitude then maybe you will just have to accept that you are not the kind of person to have friends.

Littlemadam83

Thanks Pukkamum, and you are right. In the right situation I can give time to someone (and as I said I don't want millions or even over 3 people ha ha).

The friendships that have worked best for me in the past have been local ones where you can meet up every few weeks, and chat in-between them. My colleague for instance sees her multitude of friends all weekend every weekend and emails them all day. I couldn't do that, I have always been a bit of a loner.

I don't begrudge anyone's comments, I even asked an old friend last night why we/he drifted apart and he was honest which was nice and I have taken on board.

xxx

Toomuchdebt

kacie wrote: »

Thats the same as what happens to me

Same here.I find groups difficult as I have 6 children and my partner works evenings.I've been thinking about looking for a job when my MRSA is got rid of, not for the money as it won't make any difference(they'll just take what I earn off Housing Benefit) but to make friends.

Hermia

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

I do think that everyone needs their own set of friends, away from their partners, and I dont think its childish at all, I mean when you need to moan about him, you cant do it to your mutual friends!

Ha ha! I do agree though. I find I need other people to share interests a partner might not be interested in and I find it keeps a relationship fresh as well. Plus I have known too many women end up in a terrible state because their OH died or left them and they had no friends to turn to.

I also find it hard to make friends. A few women I know who moved to the UK have told me that they have found people a bit less sociable here than in their own countries so maybe it's a UK thing! One commented that she found British women tend to isolate themselves when they settle down whereas women where she comes from still maintain their relationships with friends and the wider community even when they settle down.

What I find hard is meeting people who share my interests as I am not very mainstream. I live in the country at the moment and find it hard to meet anyone with my interests. I have joined a few local groups, but find that a lot of the time I just don't have a lot to talk about with them. I joined a craft group and the women just talked about their kids, diets & celebs all the time. I don't mind a bit of that, but I just felt my brain was dying after a while. I am moving back to the city as soon as a job comes up!