Does anyone else find it hard to make friends?

kacie

I find it hard to make and then keep friends. The groups around where I live are mostly sporting activities and I'm not a sporty person. I don't have a partner or children to make friends through either.

Littlemadam83

Hi guys,

Thanks for all your really helpful replies. I will now try and go through them all and reply, as I really appreciate the thought you have put into helping us lonely ones (or just me).

Thank you xxx

Frogletina

Wouldn't it be great if we could set up some MSE local groups! I'm thinking of checking out my local WI group this evening, but not sure if I will fit in. I have joined groups over the years hoping to make friendships there as well as enjoy the group, but always seem to be the odd one out while everyone seem to end up making friends and meeting up outside of the group itself.

Makes me feel invisible sometimes and at the moment I am feeling quite low about it

kacie

Frogletina wrote: »

. I have joined groups over the years hoping to make friendships there as well as enjoy the group, but always seem to be the odd one out while everyone seem to end up making friends and meeting up outside of the group itself.

Thats the same as what happens to me

Neeny82

Where are you in the country hun?

I moved away from my friends and family when I moved to a different town to be with my now husband. I was worried at first but I met a lot of his friends partners and quickly found people who I got along with. Obviously it was trial and error as some of his friends partners were not my cuppa but thats by the by now. The ones I did get on with invited me out and I made the effort - even when I felt a little uncomfortable. It meant I then got to know their other friends who had nothing to do with my OH.

I also started a new job here and made some lovely friends through work.

I have actually found that now - 5 years on- I have more true friends here than I had where I grew up. I know I have been very lucky though.

My advice would be to get yourself out there. It can feel uncomfortable but it worked for me.

Lara44

Frogletina wrote: »

Wouldn't it be great if we could set up some MSE local groups! I'm thinking of checking out my local WI group this evening, but not sure if I will fit in. I have joined groups over the years hoping to make friendships there as well as enjoy the group, but always seem to be the odd one out while everyone seem to end up making friends and meeting up outside of the group itself.

Makes me feel invisible sometimes and at the moment I am feeling quite low about it

Did you organise any meet ups yourself Frogletina? I found this happening to me and just invited a couple of people out myself. After that a little group of ladies sort of came together and now we all take it in turns.

Plans_all_plans

I would advise those who find it hard to make friends to accept absolutely every invitation they get TO ANYTHING, whether you'll like the activity or not.

As a mum who moved to a new area I had to start from scratch friends wise and it took over a year to be invited to a night out with other mums. I totally didn't fancy going where they were all off to, but I thought that if I didn't go when asked, I wouldn't be asked again, so I just went for it. It seems to have worked as I now have a group of friends from it. I feel that other mums I know who refuse invites to things cos "they have something else on" or "don't like clubbing" feel more isolated because of it. At least once you get a group around you, you can steer things in the direction you want them to go in, in terms of suggesting things that you want to do.

Have you got old friendships that have lapsed that you could maybe try to reinvigorate?

Littlemadam83

hot.chick - thanks for the website - had never heard of that before. I have had a look and there are none in my town unfortunately as I only ride a Vespa, longer journeys can be cold and scary! There is a photography one nearby that I could join, it looks good. So thank you xxx

Tish P - Sorry Tish, I was probably over exaggerating there, there will be grous where I live, it is just nothing that has ever picked my fancy. I shall have another perusal now though. I am just into really random things and doing them cheaply.

Regarding the incident that happened. I only suffer sometimes from what we went through, although I haven't really thought about it recently. No one died or was hurt, so I don't think the social side has an adverse effect. On that subject though I think I do have some deeper scars and that is rejection. I have never had people come to me to want to be friends (well only one person, and the reason we are not friends is because his GF hates me). Could this be hindering?

natmid - I shall drop you a PM and if we can help each other, then what a great start to our new making friends mission xxx

newcook - that is a truly great idea. I am rubbish at situations like that, I cant be all girly and talk. I am so jealous of people like that though, and that is why you have friends and I dont ha ha. Things like that terrify me, as I think I will be boring, although I have got a lot better.

Alizarin - I am so the same as you with the confidence level and thinking people wont want to befriend me. Good luck with the signing up to new things, if you want help or someone to lean on while you embark on these new beginnings drop me a PM xxx

PerfectPeaches - LOL at "mummy friends". Congrats on starting to settle in well, you made a big move and talk about courage! My husband had 1 friend who has since moved on, so cannot go there. He also has no get up and go when it comes to finding them, and I put in all the hard work when it comes to socialising - GRRRRRR

thecruncher - Twitter sounds like a good idea as I have it on my phone. So I should find people in my area and follow them and comment and stuff in the hope they like me. That's a plan ha ha, thank you xxx

VK-2008 - I have been to the gym before and that didn't work, I am not skinny and no one looked at me to even say anything. I am however starting an intense cardio regime at home on the Wii and you never know, if I go down to a reasonable level then start at the gym things may be different.

jcr16 - That's really good you can be so family orientated, I am very much like that two, apart from I have a husband and two cats LOL. This is the thing, you have people that come to you and really like you. I have a couple of work colleagues like that, but they have their own lives and friends.

red devil - So what is the answer then ha ha. And yes, I want nothing more than to have quality over quantity, even one friend I can confide in.

kacie - what do you do? Do you need friends? Have you actively been looking? xxx

Frogletina - I love your name by the way! And I sooooo know how you feel - that is me!!!! I think we will have to be very lucky to find friendhsip soul mates. That is why I think I got on so well with people in my old hobby. It was such a niche thing that what we had in common was very strong and we were passionate about it. Let me know about the WI, I might look into that?

Neeny82 - that sums it up your last comment I think. I REALLY need to get myself out there, you are right. Even if you feel uncomfortable you will never get anywhere by not doing it

I guess I just feel different to others, I am more quirky in a weird way and I am just not girly and that goes against me

Thank you so much everyone for all your thoughts and advice xxx

PerfectPeaches

Littlemadam

My OH claims he is only down here for work, which is correct to some extent but doesn't seem to want to make "proper" friends as he eventually wants to move back to Newcastle (and I will be back at square 1!).

Personally, I want to make friends for my own benefit, to have some "me" time which when having a baby in the next few months I will definitely want to have!

Fear not, your not on your own with feeling like you do!

Peaches x

pukkamum

I always found the idea of having friends better than the reality. I just find having a group of friends too much like hard work, my life is busy enough!!!!!

My Dh is my best friend and i have no urge to socialise without him, he makes me laugh like no-one else can, we can talk to each other til the cows come home and we pretty much like doing the same things.

I have one 'best' female friend that i have been friends with since college and we have children the same age, so we have a wonderful, supportive relationship but very rarely socialise outside of daytime meet ups with the kids other than the odd trip to the cinema, and there is never any pressure sometimes it can be weeks between meet ups.
I still have times when i think it would nice to have a big group of friends but this takes a lot more commitment than i am willing to make.