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OH has confiscated my cards
Comments
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That's awful and wrong.
That is exactly why women should not give up working - no one should ever be at the mercy of the other person. I personally would absolutely hate it!
How old are your children? I think you should organise childcare for them (if they are young) and find yourself a job. Than you will have your own money and that **** of your husband will not be able to say a word about what you're spending it on! He seems very controlling!From Poland...with love.
They are (they're) sitting on the floor.
Their books are lying on the floor.
The books are sitting just there on the floor.0 -
PolishBigSpender wrote: »That's awful and wrong.
That is exactly why women should not give up working - no one should ever be at the mercy of the other person. I personally would absolutely hate it!
How old are your children? I think you should organise childcare for them (if they are young) and find yourself a job. Than you will have your own money and that **** of your husband will not be able to say a word about what you're spending it on! He seems very controlling!
The OP already works 3 hours a day at home, so she does earn some money herself.
I'm a SAHM and I'm not "at the mercy" of my husband, financially or otherwise as we have a joint account. I must admit we are both guilty of overspending at times, but he wouldn't expect me to be the only one to cut back while he carried on spending.
If a husband is controlling, I don't think it will make a difference if his wife is working or not tbh.
OP, if you need to cut back, then it should be both of you cutting back not just you. He is in no position to criticise you for going for a curry if he goes to the pub. Can you sit down with him and go through your finances and work out a budget so you know how much spending money you have left after bills and essentials?0 -
The problems in this realtionship are NOT financial....(that is a symptom). As soon as you accept that, you will be in a position to do something about it.
It is my belief that the problems run deeper. Even if you sold all YOUR worldly possesions and paid off the £3k debt tomorrow do you honestly believe he will say 'that's great..here's your cards back'...NO I don't think so, as he would lose an element of control that he currently has and will not want to relinquish.
Do NOT believe all his hogwash about how he earns all the money and it is his - He is making you think that and is also making you believe that if you were to split he will get everything and you will get nothing - This is NOT the case. Everything you two have between you is a marital asset and is jointly owned.
When I separated I saw a divorce lawyer and in simple terms I was told this.....(obviously there are exceptions I am sure, but it was interesting to find that my EX had been told exactly the same thing by his solicitor too.....)
All debts in both/either names go in a pot...all assets in both/either names go in a pot This gives you a net marital 'worth'. In general the partner who has the children gets a portion of the pot that they will require to maintain their childrens standards of living and then the left over debt/credit is split between them.
He absolutely can not keep everything and turf you out with nothing. Perhaps if he knew that (or perhaps he needs to know that you know it) he would be a little more reasonable. In all honesty it would be easier for you to get your hands on that money if you were to separate, then it seems you can whilst in the marriage. A court will not chuck a mother and 3 kids out of the family home. A court can force the sale of it but you will still retain enough to start again.
I am not advising that you tell him you want a divorce but I don't think it would do any harm to let him know that you know your rights!!
Perhaps you could let him see that what he is doing is a form of abuse that a divorce court would not look favourably at....leave the web page on your screen....get a leaflet delivered ...etc...;-)0 -
I agree with Mrs JustJohn ...make an appointment with a local solicitor who has a good reputation on family law/divorce separation cases....you should know what your options would be should your marriage deteriorate any further.
As things are, you marriage is going through a fragile stage - and your OH seems to be intent upon keeping you as submissive as he possibly can - do you know if his career is as safe & secure as you assume it to be? Often when someone is under threat themselves, they pass the threat further down the line.
Open your own account - transfer the £200 into it, have the C/B deposited there - and of course, your salary. Any profits from e-bay go there too - and DO NOT TELL OH how much you have there - you may need to amass a "get out of jail free" fund.0 -
he says if I do this then i have to pay childcare out of my wage and he will keep his wage for himself. We will then keep our money separate and he earns way more then I could having been a mum and housewife pretty much for the past 8 years.
What a charming guy! And why are you with him at all, pray tell me?From Poland...with love.
They are (they're) sitting on the floor.
Their books are lying on the floor.
The books are sitting just there on the floor.0 -
The OP already works 3 hours a day at home, so she does earn some money herself.
I'm a SAHM and I'm not "at the mercy" of my husband, financially or otherwise as we have a joint account. I must admit we are both guilty of overspending at times, but he wouldn't expect me to be the only one to cut back while he carried on spending.
If a husband is controlling, I don't think it will make a difference if his wife is working or not tbh.
To be honest, my fianc! is the least controlling person ever, and I would still hate not having any money of my own. I just need some degree of independence to feel safe.
I think the OP should go back to work full time and show the husband she's capable of looking after herself. But to be honest, this whole relationship doesn't look to stable to me.From Poland...with love.
They are (they're) sitting on the floor.
Their books are lying on the floor.
The books are sitting just there on the floor.0 -
He has just messaged me that he has read this thread and that hes not happy about it. Hes making out that its exaggerated - well Id like to see his tell me which bits arent true. More like the truth hurts.
Hes such a hypocrite. He guards his facebook/email etc passwords with his life but has free access to mine. Not allowed any privacy now. And he wouldnt go onto this site for any other reason then to read this.MANAGED TO CLEAR A 3K OVERDRAFT IN ONE FRUGAL, SUPER CHARGED MONEY EARNING MONTH!:j
£10 a day challenge Aug £408.50, Sept £90
Weekly.
155/200
"It's not always rainbows and butterflies, It's compromise that moves us along."0 -
He has just messaged me that he has read this thread and that hes not happy about it. Hes making out that its exaggerated - well Id like to see his tell me which bits arent true. More like the truth hurts.
Hes such a hypocrite. He guards his facebook/email etc passwords with his life but has free access to mine. Not allowed any privacy now. And he wouldnt go onto this site for any other reason then to read this.
So how long will it be before he stops your internet access and asumes total control over what you do/who you speak to?
It really doesn't sound good at all. What would you think if it was your daughter coming to you and telling you that this was the way her partner was treating her?
I've got a pretty good idea how i'd feel, he wouldn't have his kneecaps for long.0 -
not meaning to be nasty but your other half seems like a males genitals!!!!!!!!
oh and if your reading this OH! you need to get a grip and give your wife some space and a life.:A VK :A0 -
for balance it would be interesting to read OP's OH's pov0
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