OH has confiscated my cards

thorsoak

Well - as he is reading this - what about your side of the story Mr Roxie ... do you think you can show us why it helps to "confiscate" the cards? Does it make you more of a man? What do you think it does to your marriage????

RoseRed

Well I think its time you changed all your passwords so he has no access, along with setting up your own bank account. He is entitled to his privacy and you are entitled to yours. I find it a real cheek that he can go on about his money when you have put your career on hold for the family, you could have had a more successful career than him right now.

Sunnyday

Get a new email account, preferably webmail like yahoo, choose a new password - something that you don`t need to write down but that he can`t guess.

Then change the email address to the new one on your FB account and everything else, afterwards change the passwords so that the confirmation emails go to the new email address. If you do it all in the right order nothing will go to the old email address that he has access to and he won`t be able to find your new passwords.

Get the new online bank account in your name only, make sure he does not even know about it then he won`t go looking. Go over to the old style board and learn how to make your £200 really stretch, you will be shocked to find that you will be able to save from it then it can all go into your new account.

I really think that you need to get your independence back and quickly too. I`m not just talking about financially but the situation that you are now in will do you no good mentally and will also end up having an effect on your boys.

Get yourself a safety net as i think that you`re going to need it.

As for DH reading on here and messaging you, register again with a new username and password - after you have set up your new email address. If your username is just changed then i believe that this thread will just show up under it and it will be obvious that its you, you can always pm people to let them know that its you.

One last thing, always clear the browser history and cookies etc so that DH dosen`t know what you have been reading or anything, cc cleaner from piriform was recommended to me and takes about 1 minute to run so that you don`t have to fiddle with anything if you`re not familiar with doing this. Sorry if i`m teaching you to suck eggs.

One last thing MrRoxieW - if you are still reading then you should be ashamed - very ashamed. Do your friends and family know how badly you are treating your own family? I`m disgusted! IMHO it would serve you right to lose them, whats that saying "you never know what you had until its gone" or similar.

Good luck OP x

SD

thorsoak

I think you need to take this as a wake-up call - you've been married and a SAHM for nearly 10 years? Time for you to re-find your identity and independence. There can be independence in a marriage.

LilacPixie

here is an idea. Why doesn't the OP's husband register on her and post justifying his actions?? Be a man. Or is it he just won't say a word to those he cannot control!

VK-2008 - do you mean a withered testical

Person_one

Roxie, if you're still reading the thread, please ring the Women's Aid helpline before he takes your phone and your car keys off you too.

0808 2000 247

There might not be violence involved but in my opinion (and in the opinion of Women's Aid) there is abuse going on here and they'll be able to advise you on how to protect yourself.

*Louise*

RoxieW wrote: »

So far I have made/saved £300. I have trudged heavy items up to the post office in the rain with 3 kids in tow. I am selling my own bags/purses etc. I pointed this out yesterday and he laughed 'wow. thats not 3K though is it'. I am doing what I can but am still being punished I feel.

I wouldn't tell him if he is just going to be condescending towards you.

And since he is keeping tabs on you and checking this thread...I hope he has taken note of the links people have posted about domestic abuse.:mad:

I am a SAHM and my husband would NEVER treat me like this. It's a little thing called respect. (And he admits he could never do what I do)

elisebutt65

You need to stop EBaying things until you have your own bank acc up and running as well! Why should you pay money into an account you have no access to?

Make sure CB and WTC are in your name and have them put in your account. Re: you having to pay childcare if you go out to work, you can claim up to 85% of it back

MrRoxieW; you should be ashamed of yourself!! Your wife has PND and you are treating her this way!! I really hope she grows a set and boots you out!

ViolaLass

You've said several times that you accept that you've overspent. My question is, have the two of you sat down together and discussed budgets? It sounds like you had a bit of a budget in place before but have you discussed how it needs to change? Does it need to change or do both of you just need to stick to it?

Without the pair of you sitting down and discussing exactly what needs to change e.g. "we need to cut £50 a month from the food" or "we need to halve our clothing bill" or "let's have a cheaper holiday this year" or whatever you decide is appropriate, I can't see how you can progress. These things need to be decided TOGETHER and you should both have full knowledge of all financial areas pertaining to either of you, IMO. He doesn't necessarily need to know that you've spent X on curries this week, but you do both need to know that you have £y per week for entertainment.

You seem to be saying that you've been overspending for a while. Is the £3k debt all you have? The thing that strikes me is that if he can afford to give you £200 a week to cover food, your kids, clothes etc, which seems to me to be a large amount, then it really shouldn't be that difficult for the pair of you to pay the debt off. It's relatively speaking a very small amount.

So the final question is whether your OH's actions are as a result of desparation to get the financial situation under control or a desire to control you. I can't judge the situation without knowing a lot more and really it's up to you to work this one out, but from what you've told us, your financial situation doesn't /seem/ that bad. If it's the former, then he's being cack-handed but talking to him may help. If it's the latter, then that is domestic violence, unacceptable and you should think carefully about whether this is a healthy situation for you and your children.

VK-2008

LilacPixie wrote: »

here is an idea. Why doesn't the OP's husband register on her and post justifying his actions?? Be a man. Or is it he just won't say a word to those he cannot control!

VK-2008 - do you mean a withered testical

yeah! he sounds like that to me